Tuesday, August 11, 2020
Home Advice Will There Be A Marriage Despite Our Love:Please Advise!

Will There Be A Marriage Despite Our Love:Please Advise!

Good day mama,

Please advice me. I am in a relationship for almost one year. Initially,he did not tell me but later on,like 4 months later,he told me he is a divorcee with a kid. I was shocked and that made me leave him.

Its been five years after his divorce but I was not happy he did not tell me at first. But later on,we began dating and he really makes me happy. I have met his kid,a very smart boy. The ex wife has moved on and is engaged to someone else,I think.

My issue now is,even though I have been dating this guy,its been a year and he has nit said anything about marriage to me. I know he says he loves being around me and loves spending time with me,would love to spend the rest of his life with me but he has not really asked me to marry him.

I feel somehow but I want to ask him what his plans for marriage. In fact,I already asked him and he said he will definitely get married again but he is not sure. His answer is: it can be this year or next five years.

That he wants to be 100% sure before he marries again. That he made a mistake before,he does not want to make another mistake. While I appreciate his concern,I do not feel comfortable with him not being sure of when we may be able to get married…I do not know if I can keep waiting for more than 2 years.

And another thing is:I have not been able to tell my parents that he is a divorcee. Especially my dad. I am afraid of how they will take it. They know that I am in a relationship with him but I told him not to tell them about his past so they will not use that to judge him. He agreed.

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Growing up,my parents made me see divorce as a bad thing and that the bible does not allow divorced people to remarry,that its a sin for a divorcee to remarry. I also never saw myself as one to marry a second best. I wish like every other girl to be the first and only in my husband’s life.

On top of that,he has a kid who will be his first before my own children. I know this is really not important anymore cos I love him so much. My heart beats when I think of him nit being in my life but how will I change my parents perception of this?

However,he is saying its a year,that we should tell them. But I know my parents,that will make them see him differently. Especially since he has not even said he wants to marry me categorically.

My guy and I talked about this. That I am not proud of him. And me,I said he is not giving me assurance of anything. I am sad and confused. He dropped me off yesterday and did not speak to me. This is a new year,I need clarity,is there any future in this relationship?

I love this guy,will he marry me? I want to be married at least this year. He says he is not sure. Should I tell my parents about his past and that he has a kid…they will surely have something to say about that..

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Or maybe its a sign that things may not work out between us…I am scared mama. I love him so much but I don’t know what to do…

Please advice me….I remain anonymous.

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Photo Credit:Mydomaine

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello,

    The first thing I like to address is this: your perception about him being a divorcee….I think you need to get a little bit enlightened in that area. You seem scared or misguided by the fact that he is divorced.

    There is nothing wrong with being with a divorcee. Especially if his ex has moved on. What you should concern yourself about is,perhaps find out why his former marriage did not work out and hopefully,he has addressed that so that is not happening in his next marriage?

    Could it have been a communication problem?

    Compatibility issues…infidelity..integrity…trust…finances…family or people influences?

    He needs to open up to you what really happened…perhaps you can see why he is so hesitatant to propose to you…and apprecaite that he has said he sees himself getting married to you but he needs more time to be sure.

    I think one year of dating is good…you can give him another six months or one year…if he is nit sure by then,you can walk.

    I also think the fact that you hid his past from your parents is giving him cold feet. He also sees that your parents might not accept him…that may be another reason for him not proposing…

    I think you need to tell your parents about his former marriage and his son. Even though you would be the one marrying him,your family needs to learn to accept him or things might be difficult for you all later.

    The earlier you addressed the above issues,the better. Your guy needs to see that you and your family are receptive of him.,…maybe then,he can give you the assurances you need.

    And you have to absolutely sure that you have moved past your former mind set of seeing a divorced person as second class. You need to love him and love his son as if he is your first son and show no favoritism when you start having your own kids (i.e,if you end up getting married).

    Be very sure…that this is what you really want….you have a lot of work to do on yourself….and your parents …before you can marry this man.

    I wish you all the best.

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