Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Home Advice Will My Friend's Advise Help Me Save My Marriage?

Will My Friend’s Advise Help Me Save My Marriage?

Hello ma,

Good job you are doing with Lively Stones. I got recently attached to reading from you everyday. Well done ma. May God bless your efforts. Now,I have an issue and I need you to post this anonymously.

I have been married for three years going to four now. My husband and I dated for almost 6 years before we got married. We are still hoping to get pregnant and have our children soon by God’s grace.

To be honest,its not been easy waiting very year to get pregnant and nothing happens. I am married to the only son of their family so the pressure to have a grandchild is much. Medically,we are both doing ok…no medical issues but My husband has started misbehaving cos of this.

I started noticing this a year ago. Then he started coming late from work. And we started arguing cos I was seeing signs of cheating but he would deny it. Then I confirmed it around November last year. He has a side chic.

Ever since I found out,my heart has been heavy. I cried and was miserable for weeks. He apologized and said he was just depressed about the delay in us having children so he got distracted. I forgave him and then we tried to work on our marriage.

Ma,Last week,I saw a missed call on his phone and recognized the number of the side chic. I confronted my husband and he said the girl is the one trying to get him back. He showed me text messages of her begging him to allow him be his baby mama.

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So,you can see this chic’s goal is to bear a child for my husband and my husband seem to be really troubled about this. I don’t know what to do. I went to speak to my best friend about this and the advice she gave me shocked me.

My best friend Rose(not real name). We have been friends since childhood. She is married with kids and their marriage seem happy until she told me how she did it. My friend said its normal for men to cheat and since my situation is childlessness,that many girls will be all over my husband to have children for me.

Rose advised me to take drastic steps to avoid another woman getting pregnant for my husband. She told me her husband cheated when they were dating before marriage. She found out and got help traditionally.

What she mean is that,she got a native doctor to help her. So,my friend adds a substance in her husband food to make him loyal to her. That since they have been married,the man has not looked at any woman apart from her. I was shocked at my friend’s revelation.

She is from the Niger Delta part of the country. She explained that the portion is harmless. That it is common practice from here she comes from. That most women have been using it for centuries. It only ensures the only woman the man will have sexual urge for is the one who out the substance in his food. I told her I could not do so cos I am a Christian.

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My friend too is a Christian and she sees nothing wrong in what she is doing. She is advising me to do the same if I do not want to risk loosing my husband to side chics. And ma,seriously,apart from that lady,ladies always seem to flirt around my husband and I dont know how to deal with it.

I see my friend’s family. They look very happy together. They have children. They are rich. The man adores her. I am seriously tempted to do what my friend says I should do but my conscience is troubling me. But my friend says its completely safe,that I have nothing to worry about.

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Her mother even called me. She told me not to be afraid that she too used it for her marriage. She gave me confidence to use the portion.  I do not want to loose my man. I do not want another woman to bear a child for him before I do. That would kill me.I could never bear that.

I am scared of telling anyone else about this,that is why I am sharing it here. If you are from that part of Nigeria and you know about this portion,please let me know if its true that it is safe. The name of the portion is Kopnomiii.

Please advise me.

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello madam,

    Thank you for reaching out. You are right to be disturbed about the situation with your husband. What you both need is prayers and therapy. If you both love each other,you should make an attempt to get professional help to save your marriage.

    What therapy will do for you is arm you with information on how to address the problems that you face now in your marriage. Information about how to deal with side chics and remain faithful to each other in your marriage,the options open to you to have children (adoption,IVF,etc) and how to build a trust worthy firewall marriage.

    That your friend,you need to ignore her advice. In fact delete it from your memory. No one has the right to manipulate another person just to make them faithful. Love is beautiful,natural and transparent.

    That it worked for your friend does not mean it will work for you. You know the devil gives gifts but he always comes to collect dividends on the gifts he gives in the end. Be smart…flee all manner of evil.

    So my dear,focus on prayers and therapy. That is the best thing to do.

    There are many couples who have been childless for years,some 10,some 18…and they are still happily married. Some have adopted children. Do not allow the devil use this as an excuse to come into your home.

    Children are a blessing from God. God is the giver…He will give you beautiful children. Do have patience and in the mean time,explore adoption.

    Remember,this maybe a trial of your faith. Just hold on and do not get tempted to sin while you are holding on.

    God bless you.

  2. Good evening ma, you are a strong woman for sharing this with the forum. Before now I used to read only and pass without commenting but this your story touched me to write. Please ma I begging you in the name of God don’t go with your friend’s advice. In fact you need to cut ties with that woman she is evil. That its working for her does not mean it will work for you. By the way how are we sure that it is working for her really. You know the devil will not tell your the intricacies of his gifts until your hands are tied. I know of woman who was once in your shoes and she did so because of a friend. Unfortunately she killed her husband with it. At first it seemed that all was right until her husband started misbehaving like olodo and that was how he died. She had to confess after his death because her conscience started troubling her. Once again I am begging you if you want your husband to live long don’t try it. All you need is prayer and more communication between you and him.

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