I need your advise. I am a newly wedded woman of 32 years and I am very devastated. All my life,people I love have always lied to me and disappointed me. I need someone to talk to because this is causing depression for me.
I grew up with my twin brother and my mother without a father. My mother refused to tell us who our father is. Fine,we had everything a child could ever ask for but not a father. Mt mother kept saying he was a nonentity and no need to know of his existence.
This made me suspect that my father is married man,maybe he had an affair with my mother and did not claim the pregnancy. I have also thought maybe he was not a rich man and my grandparents did not approve of their marriage.
My mother and grandparents are Technocrats,very rich and well known in the society. I have asked them who our father is,they too have remained mute. This affected me alot growing up cos I was teased alot especially as a teenager.
My mother once told me my father was dead. I asked to see his family but she said she does not know them. I just knew she was lying. Not knowing my father made me a very rebellious teenager. I had many fall outs with my mother until the age of 25.
Then I decided to live my life irrespective of who my father was. My brother too suffered. Not having a male figure as a role model was tough.. he got into trouble alot.
I dated several men but none of my relationships lasted. I decided not to get married until I met Kobi (not real name). I met Kofi during my masters in London. A smart Ghanaian. The first real gentleman I would meet in life. I fell in love with him so hard.
Kofi treated me with so much tenderness,love and respect. In three years,we were engaged. I met his parents that lived in Texas. Nice couple. Even his siblings. I felt like I was getting married to a real family,one I never had.
Well,not until 3 days after my wedding. I was still in cloud nine,posting wedding photos on social media. A lady slid into my dm and showed me photographs of a wedding certificate which of course showed that she was married to Kofi about 8 years ago. She showed a court wedding photos as well.
My joy was short lived. I thought this was a bad joke or bad dream. But alas,it was real. Kofi could not deny it. He said he had filed for divorce from her over 4 years ago,one year before her met me. But she refused to cooperate and the court has not fully finalized on the divorce hearing.
I felt the sense of betrayal I have been feeling all my life again. I felt like the ground should open and swallow me. I thought of ways to disappear from this life. I have cried and have no tears anymore. Kofi is begging and pleading to ignore his ”legal” wife…that I am his true soulmate…..
They even have a son. So,I will not be the first to bear a child for my husband…is he even my husband….I can imagine that boy growing without his father like I did…I feel pained…why did Kofi’s parents hide this with Kofi?…They claim not to be aware of an existing wife…are they lying or telling the truth?
Was that what happened to my mother?…is history repeating itself? Why is life so unkind to me? My mom has waded in and tried to bribe the ”wife” to take some payment and agree to finalize their divorce. They are currently negotiating but I feel like this marriage has started on a wrong foundation.
Should I quit,…run away or stay…what other lies await ahead of me…I do not know…what other heartbreaks await me…I have no idea…please advise me.