Thursday, November 14, 2019
Home Advice Why Do People I Love Always Lie To Me?...Please Advise!

Why Do People I Love Always Lie To Me?…Please Advise!

Hi,

I need your advise. I am a newly wedded woman of 32 years and I am very devastated. All my life,people I love have always lied to me and disappointed me. I need someone to talk to because this is causing depression for me.

I grew up with my twin brother and my mother without a father. My mother refused to tell us who our father is. Fine,we had everything a child could ever ask for but not a father. Mt mother kept saying he was a nonentity and no need to know of his existence.

This made me suspect that my father is married man,maybe he had an affair with my mother and did not claim the pregnancy. I have also thought maybe he was not a rich man and my grandparents did not approve of their marriage.

My mother and grandparents are Technocrats,very rich and well known in the society. I have asked them who our father is,they too have remained mute. This affected me alot growing up cos I was teased alot especially as a teenager.

My mother once told me my father was dead. I asked to see his family but she said she does not know them. I just knew she was lying. Not knowing my father made me a very rebellious teenager. I had many fall outs with my mother until the age of 25.

Then I decided to live my life irrespective of who my father was. My brother too suffered. Not having a male figure as a role model was tough.. he got into trouble alot.

I dated several men but none of my relationships lasted. I decided not to get married until I met Kobi (not real name). I met Kofi during my masters in London. A smart Ghanaian. The first real gentleman I would meet in life. I fell in love with him so hard.

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Kofi treated me with so much tenderness,love and respect. In three years,we were engaged. I met his parents that lived in Texas. Nice couple. Even his siblings. I felt like I was getting married to a real family,one I never had.

Well,not until 3 days after my wedding. I was still in cloud nine,posting wedding photos on social media. A lady slid into my dm and showed me photographs of a wedding certificate which of course showed that she was married to Kofi about 8 years ago. She showed a court wedding photos as well.

My joy was short lived. I thought this was a bad joke or bad dream. But alas,it was real. Kofi could not deny it. He said he had filed for divorce from her over 4 years ago,one year before her met me. But she refused to cooperate and the court has not fully finalized on the divorce hearing.

I felt the sense of betrayal I have been feeling all my life again. I felt like the ground should open and swallow me. I thought of ways to disappear from this life. I have cried and have no tears anymore. Kofi is begging and pleading to ignore his ”legal” wife…that I am his true soulmate…..

They even have a son. So,I will not be the first to bear a child for my husband…is he even my husband….I can imagine that boy growing without his father like I did…I feel pained…why did Kofi’s parents hide this with Kofi?…They claim not to be aware of an existing wife…are they lying or telling the truth?

Was that what happened to my mother?…is history repeating itself? Why is life so unkind to me? My mom has waded in and tried to bribe the ”wife” to take some payment and agree to finalize their divorce. They are currently negotiating but I feel like this marriage has started on a wrong foundation.

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Should I quit,…run away or stay…what other lies await ahead of me…I do not know…what other heartbreaks await me…I have no idea…please advise me.

Uruka

 

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:Powerpictures

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Uruka,

    I am so sorry for all that you have been through. I cannot begin to imagine how betrayed and alone you must have felt.

    But I want you to stop crying and feeling depressed….its not going to be the end of the road for you…..

    All the pain you have had to go through is not meant to kill you…its meant to make you strong and help others who have been through a similar experience. Dry your tears….its time to stop looking at all the bad and see the good…

    Keep calm..let Kofi sort out his divorce drama….give him some time to do that…in that time…think of yourself and how you can move forward…I believe there might still be a future for you and Kofi…depending on how honest he becomes going forward and how things pan out with his supposed wife….just keep calm

    Also, you may not have known your father’s identity…..but God is your father and He loves you unconditionally…..even some people with real fathers in life do not make it as far as you have….live happy and thank God for the gift of life

    Use your pain to tell your story and offer support to those going through the same…

    Healing will come…its a gradual process…you may not have all the answers now but you will one day…and when you do…it will make no difference if you choose to be living now instead of waiting for that probability.

    Forgive those who lied to you: your mother,Kofi….they are humans. They have flaws…and maybe they thought they were trying to protect you by lying to you…do not be too hard on them or yourself….life has to go on…

    You will be fine…you will be fine…it hurts I know….I know….but keep your head up…stay calm and look at the bright side of things….hold on….you will come out on top of all …a victor…not a victim…a winner!

    God bless you.

  2. From ur story ,he didn’t lie to you ,he didn’t just have the heart of leaving u , maybe he felt if he had told u earlier you would not have agreed to the relationship at the first place ,like u said the other lady might be legally married but all that can change within time , if he is really sincere with u, they both finish the divorce pepper ,what every man wants is happiness ,a soulmate.maybe he was looking for the right time to tell u abt her. if he was happy with the formal wife I don’t think he even talk abt marriage with u,just show support ,understanding and patient everything would be fine .,the ball lies in ur hand .

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