Wednesday, February 19, 2020
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When is borrowing too much?



I have been in a relationship with this man for almost two years. The relationship is tending towards marriage. I love my fiance,he is funny,hard working,God fearing and kind.

The only problem I have is that this guy has a habit of borrowing. I was raised to be okay with what ever I have,I dont like to borrow. My fiance can borrow from me,his friends,colleagues,church members ..I tire o.

He tries to pay back sometimes when he borrows but I would rather he does not. I have also tried to tell him that this makes me uncomfortable and he says its not an issue that even rich people borrow.

Ma,this concern of mine is making me think that going ahead to marry this man might make me miserable in marriage.

My greatest fear is that he may borrow and not be able to pay. Or that people will be laughing at us when he borrows all the time. For example, four months ago,he borrowed some money from my cousin who lives with us. He borrowed fifteen thousand naira from the poor boy who is a youth corper,promised to pay by the end of the month. He didnt pay until four months later. It took alot of text message reminding. I was really ashamed.

What should I do ma?




From Bariga,


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Well, what you cant cope with during courtship ,may destroy your marriage. There is no ‘i will manage ‘ . If you don t like it and the person feels cool with what he or she is doing ,then back out coz two cannot walk/work together except they agree.

    • I cannot agree less. What you cannot live with, that is tolerate. Don’t deal, accept. Because he is not going to change late

  2. Firstly, it is not wrong to borrow but why does he kps failling pple, i.e unable to meet up with the deadline fixed by him?
    Secondly, I think something is wrong with him. Borrowing from all works of life. A time will come where someone close to him will disappoint him to his detriment becos of his own failure to kp to terms.
    In all, I think it is inappropriate of him.

  3. Borrowing is not bad as long as you plan to pay back but when it becomes a habit to borrow from every peter and Paul that’s when it becomes a problem. if you cannot cope with his borrowing habits now this is the time to take a decision on if you will be able to leave with it when you eventually get married. Bear in mind that it is definitely going to cause you some embarrassing moments eventually so decide if you will be able to deal with or not.

    • On point. “BORROWING IS NOT BAD ” that is if it even for a good course like business and investment.But when it habitual! Be ready to pay the price. Embarrassment every where.

  4. hmm don’t even no what to say of this man of borrowing… borrowing life. sorry to say but its annonying. even women we still caution them to those act of borrowing from their friends, now you a whole Man one to be an head of a family now going from houses to houses “BORROWING” very bad. well sister the ball is in your court….

  5. Hmm, I can imagine your frustration, pele.

    So, what should you do?
    First, sit him down and let him know the dangers of the excessive borrowing (from your discomfort to the perceived/actual shame to financial distress in repayment, etc.), if he is as God-fearing and loving as you think he is, he will hear you out and act upon it. This step is important cos he first needs to see the wrong in what he is doing. Once he sees the wrong in what he is doing, then we can discuss about breaking the habit.
    I also advice you both (if you haven’t) to attend some premarital/intending couples counseling sessions- I believe one of the core topics that will be discussed is finance; that should spark his awareness on the issue.

    Now, once you’ve crossed that first hurdle, you can take the practical step below to help him break his habit:
    Financial planning by way of budgeting and prioritizing his needs (expense items). Work with him to draw up (monthly or so) what he financially needs to expend on, as well as his expected income. From time to time, join him in monitoring the actual expenditure as against the budget. He MUST draw up his budget for a period based on his own earnings within the same period and not on borrowed funds.

    Truth be told, on this matter, it’s more about what he has to do more than what you have to do. Really, he should meditate on this: The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender (Prov. 22:7).

    Try the advice above (having thought it through) and pray for him also. If all else fails, please think and decide whether or not to go into marriage with him. Marriage is a life-long institution which should be enjoyed, and not endured (I believe you get the context in which I make this statement).

    Summarily, be loving, be prayerful and use your head!


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