Friday, October 18, 2019
Home Advice We All Make Mistakes But Is Love Ever Really A Mistake?

We All Make Mistakes But Is Love Ever Really A Mistake?

Hello House,

I have been a silent member of this group for a while. I learn quite a lot from the discussions here. But it also makes me a little nervous because I been keeping a secret for sometime now. I kept this a secret for the good of everyone but I have a question for for everyone to help me answer:We All Make Mistakes But Is Love Ever Really A Mistake?

Here is my story (Do not use my real name please):

I am married,almost 8 years now. Back when I was dating my husband,we were having issues because it took him a while to let go completely of his ex. I think he loved her too much but the girl wanted a rich man. So even though they were broken up,he was hiding to see her. I did not know at first but when I found out,I wanted to leave.

But he would beg and beg me,and because I loved him,I went back to him.One time,he was sneaking to meet her in a hotel almost everyday,I had enough so I left. He didn’t come begging as he used to do. I was heartbroken. His younger brother then was in university used to come to our house  cos we were all close that time.

His brother had issues in school and was afraid to tell anyone so he would come to my place and hide so his people wouldn’t know he was sent away from school. He stayed in my place for almost six months before he found a place.

We didnt plan it but we slept together. The first time we regretted it but we were both single and having issues that time. S*x was like an escape or comforting thing for us to engage in. Eventually he went back to school and as God we have it,His brother and I made up like 8 months after.

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We got married not to long after. We agreed to keep our brief affair a secret. But after marriage,anytime his brother came to visit us,I found myself lusting after him. I had to start making trouble so he could leave the house for the sake of my sanity.

His brother stopped coming to our house. Occasionally he would come but he never spent the night over. One day,he came to see us,after he graduated from school. His visit went into the night and his brother,my husband insisted that he should sleep over. I tried to remain calm.

Next morning,my husband left very early. I got up early to get my twins ready for school bus by 7am. As soon as the bus took the kids,the younger brother pounced on me and even though I tried to resist,we ended up making love in my room before he left. That was like 2 years ago. It didn’t happen again. I think we both avoided each other now because it was obvious we could never control ourselves around each other.

He finally got married late last year.We have not done anything ever. But it was hard for me. I realize I do not love my husband. I love his younger brother. But my heart condemns me every time. When I am making love to my husband,his younger brother is on my mind. I think he feels the same way but he is married now and we are trying to stay committed to our marriages.

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My husband has started to misbehave again. With the same ex. I found their smses exchange. They actually met up two months ago. This time,I did not confront him. I think I now understand what it means to be in love with someone else and be married to another.

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Life is too short. I have been thinking: what if my husband is allowed to be with his ex and I be with his brother? Is there anything wrong with that? Please advise me…maybe I should tell my husband he is free to go to his ex so I too can be free to go to his brother.

I sent his brother a message a few days ago: I told him,I would do anything to be back with him. He didn’t respond until today: his response was: Same here. I know he still loves me. But following our desires makes me afraid a little…but really what do we have to loose:my husband gains his ex who is the love of his life back and I gain mine…..

Only their spouses loose but surely they must feel or know their spouses love someone else?…maybe that would do everyone alot of good…I just need advise on what to do….shouldn’t I at least try ?

Tess (Not Real Name)



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Tess,

    Hmmm….This is a big question. I also would like to read what others think?

    But here are my thoughts:

    You married under a wrong foundation
    Your husband did the same: married you under wrong foundation
    Perhaps his brother did the same…I do not know how he feels about his wife…

    You have tow options:
    1. Talk to your husband and see if you guys can work things out,put the past behind you…stop lusting after other people….OR

    2. Talk to your husband,if you cannot work it out,let go…but I am not sure it will work with the other people you both think you may be in love with: it might just be that you and your husband are both in love with an idea of a person not the real person

    Is your marriage not worth working out? For the sake of even your children? Think and pray hard about this.

    What about the spouses of the other people you think you love? Do you really want to break other peoples home because you want to satisfy your own feelings?

    What do you think God thinks about your feelings for other people apart from your spouses…do you not prefer to honor God than your feelings?

    Marriage …good marriages are not sustained by love alone…its sustained by making good and great choices…definite friendships….family first…

    Think long and hard…may God guide you.


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