Friday, October 18, 2019
Home Ask Jzhane Unbelievable-My Husband Chose His Best Friend Over Me

Unbelievable-My Husband Chose His Best Friend Over Me


I am at my wits end. I have been married for about six months now and I cannot believe that someone my husband trusts so much is the one causing so much trouble for us. Ade is my husband’s best friend. They are very close. He was our best man too. He is like his twin brother practically.

While we were dating,there were things I saw and thought that would end when we got married. The fact that Ade had access to everything including bank account of my husband was weird. He even used to call me,my wife…I thought that was cute and I used to joke that they shared the same umbilical cord. But now,the story is different.

Since we got married,Ade is always in our house. Making matters worse is the fact that he is currently out of a job. He eats in our house which I do not mind but he insists that he gets the same number of meat as my husband. He even asks for money from my hubby as if its his right. My husband would give Ade money first before considering my own needs. Sometimes,especially weekends,he brings his girlfriend too and they both finish any food I have at home.

In summary,Ade is infringing on our space and I am tired of it. What made this a wake up call for me was the fact that I came out of the bathroom about two weeks ago and I was in my room dressing up when Ade burst into our room without knocking and saw me stark naked. I was livid with anger. He did not even apologize. He just went,oh…nice arse.

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I confronted him and told him that was not cool and he laughed and told me to relax. That was the beginning of my problems. From that day,Ade began to flirt and touch me in areas I did not approve. He would laugh as if it was a joke and I reported him to his friend. I expected my husband to be mad but he said I should just avoid Ade. That he was probaby just being friendly with me. I could not believe my ears.

What I cannot believe is that my husband is completely blind to see the kind of discomfort his friend is bringing to me in my matrimonial home. The last straw was yesterday morning being Sunday. Ade actually came out of his room naked and walked into the kitchen where I was making breakfast and tried to hug me from behind. I screamed. He was obviously hung over from partying on Saturday night. The stench of alcohol on him was so strong.

I ran to my room and told my husband and he got up to go meet Ade. He met Ade now wearing a boxer who denied what ever touching me. Unbelievable. Next thing,Ade says these words: Guy…its like your wife doesn’t like me o. Since you guys married,all she does is look for fault and is trying to break our bond of friendship.

My husband apologized to Ade. By this time,I was crying. My husband was not even moved. Instead,he called me into the room and scolded me more. He said,I should forget about trying to break his friendship with Ade cos before I ever came,Ade is the only family he had. That Ade would give his life for him and so I should stop peddling lies and trying to break them up.He said,he swore to himself that no one would ever come in between him and Ade.

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I could not believe what my ears are hearing. My friend who reads your blog advised me to send you this so you can advice me. She advised me to set Ade up and let my husband catch us in bed red handed. Thing is,I do not know if that will work cos my husband almost insinuated that I am the one actually flirting with Ade to make him throw his best friend out. He insinuated that if that happened,he would choose his friend over me.

What did I do to the Ade that he is bent on making me unhappy? Now,he has succeeded in making my husband believe that I hate him and want to break their friendship. Worse of all,my husband thinks I am a liar. And he would rather believe his friend than his wife.

This hurts so bad…what can I do please?


Mrs R from Lekki

Photo Credit:Mom Junction

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Mrs R,

    It is clear that your husband’s best friend is trying to manipulate him. You have to be very smart to deal with this.

    Change your approach. Get down on your knees and pray about this. Pray and break every influence this man has over your husband with prayers.

    You also need a witness. Do not try to set him up by throwing your self at him…that may make things worse

    You can install camera in your house if you can afford it…or a recorder (from your phone)on you anytime you are talking to him.

    You also need to speak to someone that your husband respects. Maybe his parents or pastor. Show them your evidence too.

    You have to be extremely careful though….and prayerful.

  2. …let your husband catch you in bed red handed? Bad idea. If Ade can make your husband think you’re the problem he won’t have a problem convincing him that you put him to it..especially since you’ve been complaining about him…come to think of it what if he also has same intentions towards you? I mean, he must be missing the times when he had sole access into your husband’s personal life.

    You made the mistake many ladies make thinking it’ll get better after we get married, it doesn’t. Any issue that is unresolved before marriage will usually get more pronounced afterwards. Stop thinking like the victim here, or you’ll continue to be till Ade accomplishes his aim which you do not know yet.

    I can understand how you feel about your space being invaded after your marriage. Its never palatable. Following ma Jzhanes advise will help you a lot. A couple of pen cameras that you can change memory cards for every few days may be less expensive, or even finger cams. You may not even need to do much more than standing your ground physically, by not letting Ade into your personal space, and spiritually with God. Its either he gets a job and leaves, and or, he will by himself do himself in. The hold he has on your husbands mind needs to be broken off in prayer. It may not be spontaneous but you’ll have been well on your way to winning this battle. I’ll be praying for you too.


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