Two Men In My Life But I Am Pregnant For One Of Them


Hello Ma,

Please do not judge me. I have contemplated sending you this message for a long time. I know most people will react to me in a negative way but I have braved it to ask because I do not want to make a mistake that I will regret.

Ma,I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. We are s*xually active. I have had one abortion. I know,I am sorry I did that but my boyfriend refuses to use condom. I love him and he loves me. We plan to get married before 2020,that is after he finish his masters.


Unfortunately,I got pregnant again and he told me to abort it. I refused and I told him that means he does not care about me. Why will I keep having abortions if he has plans to marry me? That made me really suspicious and I was scared and angry. We quarreled and I broke up with him. I thought that would make him realize his mistake but he didn’t.

Do you know I didn’t hear from this guy for two months? I cried my eyes out. I had to tell my elder sister I was pregnant. Our parents are dead,my sister is like my mother. My sister asked me if I wanted an abortion but because I had done one before,I was scared of doing another as I do not want it to affect my chances of having children in future.

So,I decided to keep the baby without my boyfriend’s support. Strangely,I met this guy who was toasting me before and I rejected him at the time. I met him on a flight to Dubai. I was going to vacation and to shop for my baby.

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We ended up spending time together in Dubai. He didn’t mind that I was pregnant for another person. We slept together. Maybe because I was vulnerable,I don’t know but I liked him. He was kind to me.

But We continued our relationship for almost two months after. I am now six months pregnant and dating this new guy,all of a sudden,my ex,who pregnanted me comes back and starts to apologize and plead with me to forgive him and take him back. My sister wants me to forgive him for the sake of my baby. But I feel hurt that he abandoned me when I needed him to.

Eventually,I listened to reason and took him back. I still love him. But he does not know about the guy I dated. I have not told this new guy about my baby daddy coming back cos I don’t know if it will work out if my baby daddy knows about him.

My main worry now is that I do not know whether to tell my baby daddy that I was in another relationship before his dumb ass came back. My sister says I should not tell him.I feel like he should know. I do not want him to find out tomorrow and break up with me again. I know the kind of guy he is,he is very proud.

So,I am keeping this new guy so I do not loose on both sides.I want my baby daddy to know that I was with another guy so he can decide if he still wants me or not. Its my sister that is saying I should not tell him…what do you think ma?

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Kate (Not real name)



Photo Credit:123RF

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  1. Hello kate,

    How are you? You got yourself in a situation and only you and get yourself out.

    I really want to try not to judge you but you must agree with me that you have made some bad decisions and if you continue with what you are suggesting in your mail,you may end up making more mistakes.

    My advice to you is coming from a place of love:

    1.Stop seeing men who have no intention of marrying you. How about you develop yourself mentally and spiritually as you await the arrival of your baby,so you can be a good role model for that little one? Having s*xual relations with someone you are not married to is a mistake. Do not keep going down that road. If they love you enough,let them put a ring on it.

    2. If its down to the two men in your life.Decide who you love most. Who treats you like a queen better? who respects you more….make that decision quick and let the other go. However,any relationship with either of the two,remove s*x from the equation. Get married and stop giving your cookies for free.

    God bless you dear.


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