Sunday, July 5, 2020
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Tried Everything But I Think My Husband Does Not Like S*x

Good day ma,

I read this woman’s story. (Click here to read the story she is referring to).Sincerely,I could feel her pain.Truth be told,there are alot of women like me in this situation and there is nothing any one of us have not tried.

With my own situation,I have concluded that some people do not really like s*x. Or some others have low libido and pride will not allow them seek help,at least not Nigerian men. I got married about four years ago and this is my story:

My husband and I dated for two years plus and then,the s*x was like once in a month or so. I did not bother myself because I thought things will change after marriage. I also did not want to be too forward as his girlfriend then,so he will not see me as wayward or something.

Fast forward to our marriage. I got pregnant a month to our wedding,so after wedding,the sx got less and less and his excuse was that I was pregnant. But I was not happy. I tried to tell him it doesn’t matter but we had Sx like only 4 times during my pregnancy.

After I had my baby,he became a 2 minute man. I was like,what is going on here? He will not allow me touch him. He only touch me when he has an erection and before you say jack robinson,he is done.

I fought this thing. I tried to talk to him that me I have feelings too but if I dared talk to him,he will withdraw. I tried to make him take some things that some people recommended but he refused to take them.

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From once in a month,s*x became once in 3 months. I started searching his phone to know if he was cheating but I found nothing. I begged him and begged him,he just kept quiet. I went to see our pastor and even my Aunty. They all told me to be praying.

Ma,I have prayed and prayed. Last year,I met a s*x therapist on social media. This woman gave me some drugs to give him. As usual,he did not take them. She taught me things to do to seduce him,my husband only lasted 1 minute.

I was so frustrated. I cried and cried until I decided to accept my fate. Of course,because of this,getting pregnant for a second child became hard. I was sad but I left everything to God. People thought I was the one with a problem cos I had not given birth to a second child. They would be praying for me,I would just be laughing.

My mother in-law called me early last year and complained. That I should give her another grandchild. I had to tell her the problem. And she ended up blaming me. That I am the cause of the issue with my husband. I told her I am not.

She called her son to talk to him,he refused to go and he even got angry with me for talking to his mother. That was the last time he touched me. Through out last year,nothing like s*x o.I masturbated and started using vibrator to satisfy myself because I did not want to cheat on my husband. Its not the same but what can I do?

Last December, I traveled to spend Christmas with my Aunty. I exchanged numbers with a guy I met on my way and we started chatting. We flirted and met up during my stay in my Aunty’s place and he made mad love to me. I was like a starved animal.

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This guy gave it to me like no one else has done in a very long time. Of course,this makes me feel bad and guilty but can you blame me? Feel free to insult me for cheating but no one can understand what it means to be in my shoes.

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The pain and loneliness…..How can I be married and my husband has decided not to have s*x with me? I did nothing wrong. Even if I did anything wrong,I have begged him to forgive me… I begged him to get help,he refused.

I am just 28 years old. I need s*x…tell me why I should not get it outside when I cannot get it inside. I now even suspect that maybe he is gay cos there is no sign of him cheating (or maybe I have not caught him yet).This year,I am thinking of leaving my marriage. I do not want to keep cheating but what else can I do?

Anonymous LS Facebook fan


Photo Credit:Bustle

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello,

    To be honest,one cannot fully say they understand how you feel or the things you have been going through.

    But here is our take:S*x is very important in marriage but marriage is not all about s*x.

    S*x can pose a serious challenge in marriage but people have to decided if s*x is enough to remain married or take a walk

    Clearly to you,its a big deal and to your husband,its not a big deal.

    It seems you should have had the sex talk before you got married. Clearly,your husband may have low libido and he has no desire to address it.

    So what are you going to do? If you have tried therapy,prayers and counseling and non have worked so far…then your choices are just a few:

    Accepting the situation the way it is,that is one option and keep trusting for a change in future. It is a hard option but cheating is not an option. If you have to cheat,that means, the s*x itself,is more important that the marriage itself…

    There are many people in marriages with similar problems. The truth is that ,no one will come out to tell you what they are going through. What people do is try to make it work.

    Work on friendship in marriage. Review your expectations of each other and stop pressuring your spouse to be like another person’s spouse or to fit into your own expectation.

    What if your husband was incapacitated and unable to give you the kind of s*x you want?

    While I appreciate your frustration with the lack of s*x, I think you need to ask yourself:why did I get married?…for s*x or what?…if it was for majorly s*x…then you may have gotten it wrong…

    Do not misunderstand me…your frustrations are valid but am trying to make you look beyond your husband’s flaws and still try to enjoy your marriage which could be based on friendship,companionship and unconditional love. Perhaps if you worked on these,the s*x might improve with time.

    Keep striving to make things better. But do not pressure him or judge him. Find other ways of making your marriage happy and building a friendship with your husband….do not give up yet….

    Also try talking to your husband differently. Change communication style. Let him feel comfortable around you. Do not judge his 2 minutes performance. Be creative with your communication. Plan a vacation for just two of you. Send him some literature on how to improve intimacy. Watch romantic movies with him. Send him love (even sexy messages) messages once in a while.

    Its sounds like a lot of work but how far are you willing to go to make your marriage work…if you are willing,do not give up yet…


  2. I feel your pain, sister.

    Yes, marriage isn’t all about sex. However, your husband’s passiveness is driving you nuts and that’s the problem. This is why I won’t blame you.

    No one should be blaming you because the man in question has refused to communicate.

    It would have been a different thing if he opened up and you abandoned him. But here you are for over a year plus and he wouldn’t touch you and he doesn’t think it’s wrong!

    Try getting a therapist to call him up on phone. A well qualified one. This would help. Also, be considerate while talking to him.


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