Thursday, November 21, 2019
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I Thought He Was Lying Again When He Said He Wanted To Marry Me

I just happened to read a beautiful love story on AkkarBakkar and got tempted to share my own. While it doesn’t fit the ‘fairytale-perfect’ definition, for me, this is my perfect and beautiful ending.

It was the summer of 2008 when one day I was out with my friends. He was there with a mutual friend and I didn’t even know his name, but due to a misunderstanding, we had a major argument.

Fast forward three years, to 2011. I was going through a pretty bad post-break-up phase, when I suddenly received a message on Facebook, a very casual message, along with a friend request. It was the same guy. I had forgotten about the fight, but when I saw the guy’s name, I felt guilty (because I had sort-of known by then that the fight was a set-up for reasons I still don’t know). Anyway, I accepted the request and we had started chatting a bit here and there. We then exchanged numbers and the chatting became more frequent; he was also going through a terrible break-up phase with a girl he was with for about 6 years.

We had started meeting often, and that’s when I realised that he doesn’t fit my definition of a ‘boyfriend’. I despised his thinking, mentality, and his outlook towards life. I always wondered what kind of a girl would fall for him. We were poles apart.

But little did I know that some months down the line, that girl would be me. The more I got to know him closely, the more I fell for him. But I knew I couldn’t give in because he did not show any signs, plus I knew what he was dealing with in his personal life. I just enjoyed his company, and that was more than enough. He helped me deal with my post-break-up phase to an extent that he became the reason why I wanted to give relationships another chance.

So one fine day, while we were out for a drive, he held my hand and that was when I realised that maybe, just maybe, he liked me right back. And the same day he confessed that he did and wanted to be with me.

It went great for a month. And then his ex-girlfriend came back in his life with a plethora of problems. He told me he wanted to help her because she was losing it mentally. I agreed. But I also knew I had put my relation in a soup by allowing him to go back. After a month of him ignoring me and constantly being there for her, I asked him to choose between the two of us. He came back to me. But behind my back, he had continued, what we can call a ‘fling’ with her, and I had got to know about it only when we broke-up after 9 months.

The month leading to our break-up was tough for me. By then I had fallen for him deeply and didn’t want to let go because I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope up this time. But I had to. I had no choice.

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He had asked her to marry him and told me that he would not be able to keep me happy. I cried, begged him to stay. But I knew, no matter what I would say, he wouldn’t stay.

I became the same type who he would date in between of his break-ups with her and then go back to her, leaving the other girl in the middle of nowhere. I had a terrible time, though. I had started drinking, smoking; I would be alone in the room, crying to myself all the time. I had distanced myself from everyone, including my family and best friends. Everyone had literally had enough of my depression mode, but I loved him.

Even after his betrayal, I loved him truly, madly and deeply. And I wanted him to be happy, so I never messaged or called him after the break-up. But we did have each other’s numbers and I would constantly check WhatsApp to see if he was online. That was an indication for me that he was doing fine.

It was New Year’s when he messaged me, 6 months after our break-up, wishing for a new beginning for me and apologising for spoiling my previous year. I had heard from his friends how serious he was about marrying her, but his best-friend throughout these 6 months had assured me that his relationship with her wouldn’t work out. She wasn’t the type his family would accept or he would be happy with in the long-run. But he had left me to be with her, so I always believed that that’s where he belonged.

Meanwhile, my parents had found a match for me, and after ignoring it for a very long time, I gave in. I agreed to meet the guy, but I didn’t have the courage to when the day finally arrived.

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I stepped back because I couldn’t do this to the man I loved, even though it was one-sided and he was happy with someone else.

Now fast forwarding again by two months, I was out with my colleagues for dinner after work and his best friend called me saying he was coming down to meet me. ‘He’ had come along with him. And seeing him after eight months, I felt good and heart-broken, both at the same time. We didn’t talk. It was me talking to his best friend and ‘he’ talking to him as well. No direct conversations between us.

However, after he left, he had put up a status on his BBM which read ‘The best thing about me will be you.’

The heart-broken and duffer me thought it was for that girl and I immediately put a retaliatory status, two lines of my favourite song by Pink Floyd – ‘I took a heavenly ride through our silence, I knew the moment had arrived… For killing the past and coming back to life!’

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He freaked out reading this and immediately messaged me asking what it meant, to which I had replied that I had loved him, all along, and still did. But I needed to move on. Make a career for myself, do things I like and just enjoy life. At Around 12.30 a.m., he called me saying he wanted to get back to me and that he was sorry about everything.

A part of me wanted to believe him, a part of me didn’t. He told me he wanted to get back to me for ‘good’, he wanted to be with me ‘forever’, and he wanted to get ‘married’ to me.

I stepped back the moment he spoke about marriage because that’s exactly what he had told his ex while we were together. I spoke to my best friend about it and she was the one who told me, “Why don’t you give him a second chance? Maybe he has changed. Maybe there’s happiness in store for the two of you now. Give it a shot, so that you don’t have any regrets later.” I found sense in this pravachan and I said ok.

He told me how his ex-girlfriend turned out to be, and how shitty she had been making his life. He had got back to her only to end things properly this time. I was happy to hear when he told me how much he longed to be with me while we were apart for 8 months and how much he missed me. He had also put up statuses for me several times.

Since then, our relationship has evolved. It went through several ups and downs, but we always stuck together through thick and thin. There were several instances when she tried to come back, but he ignored and never looked back. This time, he was sure. Sure about us.

He put in efforts to be with me, to make me happy. He did little things that would just reassure my faith in our love. And, well now, we’ve been happily married for six months, after dating for 5 years.

We had to convince our respective families as came from different castes, but they had realised that we could be happy only with each other. Since our happiness mattered the most to them, they gave in.

So yes, here we are, happy with each other. He takes a stand for me in his house and also, makes sure I wake up with a smile every day no matter what the situation is.

Author’s Note:

Love will always find its way, if it’s true and if it’s meant to be. Never stop believing – neither in yourself nor in the power of love. And always remember, life has plans for you. Just go with the flow and don’t give up.

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. I was involved in a similar relationship about 9 years ago. It was love at first sight, for both if us, our relationship was a fairy-tale and quite explosive in the bedroom (if you know what I mean *wink*). But he had recently broken up with a girl her dated for about 6 years. She was a virgin so he has never been with her sexually, they were in love and planned to get married, until she developed interest in another guy, a medical Doctor. He left her after months of trying to win her back, and that was when we met. I didn’t want to believe I was his rebound, because the relationship was all too perfect. Then he asked me to marry him, I was overjoyed, until we went for medical tests and discovered we were both AS. It was devastating for both of us, and while I was still trying to deal with it, he went back to her. She had been trying to come back during our relationship, but he held on to me. The genotype mis-match made him think it was a dead end and he went back to ‘familiar territory’. I was heart broken. I knew we couldn’t get married but I wasn’t ready to lose him, not to her anyway. Only 3 months later they were engaged to be married, I was mortified. I cut him off from my life and blocked him on all social media. I had no idea he was trying to contact me all these while, until he DIED. Shot dead by armed robbers. I was in shock. Losing him for real hurt more than I ever thought it would, so in a bid to get a part of him back, I decided to unblock him on FB . . and that was when I saw all the messages he was sending to me . . and on his WALL. . . . for all his friends and fiancee to see. I’m married now to a wonderful man, with 3 kids, but I still consider him the love of my life!

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