This Man Is All I Dreamed Of But I Am Stuck In My Relationship


Dear Ma,

Please help me. I need advice. So,I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about a year and three months. Our relationship is not perfect. I feel like my boyfriend can do more to make our relationship better. He cares for me but he hardly shows it. In fact,I did not want to date him initially because I saw him as a bit proud.

He calls me,but if I do not call him,he will not call me. Also,he does not spend much on me. Maybe cos he is not that rich but spending on a girl you love is not in the amount but in consistency. I have tried to communicate my love language to him several times but he seems not to get it. Or maybe he just refuses to .


For me,I am the type of girl that likes attention. I like to go to movies like once or twice a month. That does not cost much. I like small surprises that do not cost much. I even try to show him example by doing the same for him. I buy him ties or socks or boxers or buy him like KFC for lunch. Like random surprises. Still my boyfriend does not get it.

So,its been a case of I have been managing him. But recently,I got a new job and I met a new guy in my office. This guy is very cool,fine and very polite. I mean,I was amazed at his kindness to not just me but to every body around. He is really liked by all. People used to tease him that his wife will be very fortunate to marry him.

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Me and him are friendly. It came naturally. He seemed to get me easily. Before long,I unconsciously started comparing him with my boyfriend. This guy does for me what my own boyfriend does not do. When he goes out for lunch,he buys me lunch. He is always checking on me. Asking about my well being,etc.

He took the entire team to watch movies several times. He offered to drop me off as I did not have enough cash on me that day. Since that day,he would drop me off from work now and again. He buys me random stuff too. I jokingly told him that I have a boyfriend o. He said its fine,that he is not interested if I am not interested. I asked him what that means,he said he likes me but if I am not available,its fine by him.

Hmmm…ma,since that time,I have been battling inside of me. This guy sef is a very good christian o. He always go to church,even mid week service. I was sick last month,I couldn’t come to work for two days. He sent me fresh flowers and get well card. No boy has ever bought me flowers. My boyfriend couldn’t even check on me when I was sick.He was busy at work even though he called only once.

Ma,this new guy called me last week,said he wanted to talk to me. I agreed and went to see him in a restaurant he picked. A very nice place. See how he treated me like a lady. He was so nice. He then went on tell me that he has been waiting for me to give him a sign to date me but he respects that I am in a relationship.

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He said that he cannot continue to wait as he knows that my boyfriend is not treating me as nice as he is. He pledged to love me forever if I allowed him. Ma,I told him to give me some time. But that time may not change anything. I know I need to make a decision: to either continue with my boyfriend who treats me like average or go with a guy who goes above and beyond for me.

I have done my background check on this new guy. Everyone says nice things about him. He says he just loves how intelligent I am and that we are alike in so many things. I want him too. I have kissed him once. That feels like cheating.I am sorry but I am drawn to him. I cannot stop thinking about him…I want to say yes to him…

But how do I break off with my boyfriend? I have managed him this long. I cannot say the things I have being enduring is the reason for breaking up with him. Am I being unreasonable ma? I need your advice…what do you think I should do ma?

From Preye,



Photo Credit:SantaBanta


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  1. Hello Preye,

    Your situation is not strange. Some ladies are actually stuck in relationships likes yours but because they have no other choice,they settle. You are not married to your boyfriend,you do not have to settle if you are not happy in the relationship.

    So,here is my advice. Have a serious heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend,let him know how you feel and what you think he ought to be doing about it. You both have to connect emotionally. You both need to understand each other’s love language. If there is no compromise to make each other happy,then there is no need to keep ”managing”.

    So give your boyfriend the talk and see if he will make amends. If he does not,then let him go and study this new guy for a little while before going ahead with him. Make sure you are not settling as well…make sure he is genuine…do not fall for his smooth operation..make sure he is the real deal.

    Spend time to pray about this,let God guide you.



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