Friday, September 20, 2019
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This Lady Is About To Give Up:Is There Any Hope For Her Marriage?

Good morning ma,

Please share this story for my friend. She is crazy and I don’t know how to help her again. I have bee counseling her for so long but now I think she needs professional help. Me and Dina (not real name) have been friends since university. I know when she had her first boyfriend and I was there every time she had broken up with her boyfriends. We pretty much share each other’s secrets.

Dina is married to Ola. They been married for 22 years. Their marriage has had its turn of ups and downs,but on the average,they are doing ok. Their kids have grown too. Their kids are in boarding school abroad. I do not know if its mid life crises but for the last four years,its like Dina and Ola have been finding it hard to understand each other.

These couple have everything going for them,they live quite comfortably. But I think from what Dina said,they are growing apart as they grow older. Dina is 43 years old and she is tired of her husband. She complains that he does not pay her attention as much as when they were younger but Ola says he is doing everything he can and Dina does not appreciate him enough.

This has been going on for the last couple of years and I have been trying to calm things down for them. Until last two months,Dina drove to my office and demanded we go out cos she wanted to tell me something. I asked why we cannot go to her house or mine,she said because she wants to tell me a big secret.I knew then,there was trouble.

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We drove to a restaurant in Ikoyi. And then my friend blurted out: Franca,I want to divorce Ola. This was the first time I saw how serious she was. I asked her why she has come to this conclusion. She said,she and her husband now live like strangers and they do not have any emotional feelings for each other anymore. And she is attracted to her MD who is a divorcee.

I held my head in tiredness. Dina said she and her MD have been flirting with each other but could not go further because she is married and did not want to cheat on her husband. But after trying to sort out the lack of emotions with her husband without success,she has decided too move on. According to her,she and her boss are going to the US for a month vacation and she intends to sleep with him.

I begged and begged Dina. She just looked at me and said its over. That Ola does not do anything to try to repair their marriage and she is tired of waiting. They had not had sex for almost one year. They tried counselling in church but Ola did not commit to counseling. Dina feels Ola may be hiding an affair cos she cannot understand why her husband of 22 years will not find her attractive or make love to her anymore.

As I am speaking with you,Dina is preparing to travel for summer vacation but her husband is not aware she is going with her boss. As her best friend,she made me swear not to tell anyone but my conscience is killing me. I cant even tell my husband. I do not know what to do. I had to tell my husband: he said I should tell Ola but Dina made me swear not to betray her…

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Please advice me and my friend.I told her about lively stones,she just laughed and said no relationship expert can help her …..that her marriage is past redeeming…

I asked her to wait for a divorce then before going with her boss but she says there is no need to wait as she knows this is her destiny. She appears to be head over heels in love with her boss. She has even started chatting with the MD’s family,who seem to have accepted her. I am not sure she told them she is married though…

My friend leaves for the US next tomorrow…what am I supposed to do…please advice me…

 

Franca

From Instagram

 

Photo Credit:MadameNoire

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Franca,

    Your friend sounds like her mind is made up. What could make a 22 year old marriage pack up just like that?

    What I see is that Dina and her husband have stopped fighting to save their marriage. I only wish we could get Ola’s side of the story…this is not good…this marriage survived 22 years …it can survive if only the two people married can decide to try

    I see that Dina feels there is no emotional connection: well,if that is the only issue,that is not so hard to fix…

    If they could come together,they can fix their emotional issues. They need to find what they need to connect again….maybe its to take vacations together…maybe its to do fun things together…maybe its to spend time together more…pay each other company…

    The husband needs to woo the wife again…send Dina love notes at random occasions….work on communication…the sex may not be that good but they can try other sexy ways of turning things around…

    This is the main reason we say that love and emotions is not enough to sustain a marriage….you need faith in God….faith in one another….belief in one another…solid friendship

    As for you….I agree with your husband….you need to tell Dina’s husband. She may have made you promise but she is asking you to be an accessory to sin by your silence.

    If they have tried all the above and still feel the marriage is irreparable…then let file for separation…they cannot be indulging in adultery until then.

    I am praying they can fix this…please pray for your friend…22 years is not a joke…as long there has not been infidelity or domestic violence….I think they still have a shot at saving this marriage…

    My hope is that when you tell the husband what his wife is about to do,he will do everything in his power to stop her and fight for his marriage.

    God bless their home.

  2. I expect your friend to enquire and know why her MD is a divorcee. Whatever made him not to hold on to his own marriage is waiting to throw a spanner at this adulterous relationship. After one month with the MD and the ‘love and emotions’ have fizzled out, she may only be left with regrets.

    God made marriage for all seasons of life.

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