Tuesday, August 11, 2020
Home Advice This Is A Huge Betrayal But Does This Mean The End?

This Is A Huge Betrayal But Does This Mean The End?

PLEASE SHARE AND ADVICE ME

My story…My name is Pat. Been married for 7 years now and I have not been blessed with a child yet. Then midway last year I found out my husband has two boys with another woman who he is planning to marry.

I confronted him and he says he is not the cause of my not being able to get pregnant and tells me no one can stop him from marrying this woman, “she has my children and I cant abandon my children now”.

I simply told him to get me a divorce and go ahead with his marriage plans to her, but he tells me he can’t let me go and will NEVER grant me a divorce.

He clearly told me that whether he marries her or not I must remain by his side because those children are also mine.So I spent half of last year in tears over this kind of betrayal and my childlessness.

Few weeks ago, I sat down reluctantly with him and had a meeting. I agreed I am no longer mourning over anything I cannot control but all my burdens and battles I leave them at Jesus’s feet. Let him decide whats best for my family and marriage.

Something tells me within to walk away and let him have the woman and her children because I need a lot of prayers to accept this woman and the children oh!

What should I do.

Please advice.

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Madam,

    This is a dicey situation and to be truthful….the decision to take actually lies in your hands.

    Anyone can suggest but at the end of the day,this is your life…

    I do not know how you got married: traditionally or through the courts or religious system?

    Your personal values and beliefs will determine if you want to be in a polygamous marriage.

    To have one’s husband father children from outside is a huge blow enough…and then to be forced to share the same husband with another woman is another.

    I do not know many people who can endure this but I also know some women can endure it.

    So,which of these women above are you?

    From what you have said,you cried and mourned for a long time and you had a meeting to tell him you have accepted your fate. Seems to me that is what you have decided.

    However,your closing statement is a bit confusing: madam,what do you really want? Whatever you want,make sure its a decision that makes you happy and not one that you took because you feel stuck and with no other choice.

    No one can make you do anything against your wish…your future and destiny is in your hands.

    I wish you all the best.

  2. It’s a very tough one though.
    If she walks away. What next?
    I really need to put herself together, spirit, soul and body and seek guidance from God to any decision so she doesn’t make worse mistake.
    May God grant you wisdom in handling this issue.

    Cheers

  3. Hi Pat
    So here’s my story…I was in a situation like yours…I met this guy at the prime of my life…when I was 24…we got married traditionally and then we found out I was pregnant…white wedding was on half…I had the baby and another one 3years later…6 years into the relationship we had planned the white wedding and all plans were in place…vendors, cards had been sent out, ticket had been bought for me and the kids to return home from a country abroad…then the worst happened…I found out he was married with 4 kids and while he visited Nigeria he lived with her and his kids…and here I was with 2kids for him…traditionally I was his wife(second wife)…to cut the long story short…after I confronted him, he told me he’d never leave her and he’d never leave me…he wanted me as his 2nd wife…his family upon confrontation told me it was never their place to tell me he was once married with kids…well I decided I wasn’t going to go through with the marriage or relationship again…imagine all the years I wasted with him, imagine the money wasted for the wedding… Guess what…after I left him…he stopped taking responsibility of the children I have for him…it’s been over 4years now and I don’t regret leaving…my last child doesn’t even know him…I took a chance and left…today I’m a happy single mom of 2 beauties…I have the support of my family and I’m doing really well for myself…my kids are doing well too…so dear sister…the decision is really yours to make…cry if you need to, but get all the support you can get. Whatever decision you make, stick to it and know that there’s no going back!
    God be with you

  4. A relationship built on deception may likely be one that will never bring true happiness to the parties.

    That said, it’s wrong for a man to hide a very vital information such as the fact that he’s already married or he has children. Such a man may have more skeletons in his cupboard that you never know of.

    The bible provides the ground for divorce as adultery.

    I suspect you’re afraid of your future having concluded that since you didn’t get get pregnant (and he already has children with another woman), you may not be able to get pregnant in another marriage. Is this your concern?

    I will advise you to pray. Seek God’s guidance. Are you a firm believer in prayers? My candid advice: seek God’s help.

    If you haven’t given your life to Christ, you can do so now. Ask Him into your life.
    Locate a bible-believing church and start attending.

    Pray. God will tell you what to do. Also, read widely on relationships. Buy books.

    You’ll be fine, dear.

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