Tuesday, July 7, 2020
Home Advice They Are Separated, How Do I Make Him Choose Me Over Her?

They Are Separated, How Do I Make Him Choose Me Over Her?

Dear ma,

I am a single mother of two children. I have been on my own for the last eight years. I got involved with a man who married me traditionally,he went abroad and since then,I didnt hear from him anymore. I heard he got married to a lady abroad so his people came to my people to say that they are no longer interested in marrying. My parents returned the ride price. That was eight years ago.

Ever since,I have been in and out of relationship. None of them really worked out . I think men are scared of responsibility when they consider that I have two children. I must confess,its not been easy though. Financially, its been tough but I have been trying my best as a caterer. I had to move houses last year,I got a two bedroom apartment for the cost of N350k. I didn’t have all the money but the landlord told me to bring whatever I had that he would take it but I have to please him for helping me. I was happy. By pleasing him,you know,he meant sleeping with him. I did that ,I thought it was just one off. I am ashamed but I didnt have a choice.

Later on,after moving in,I found out that my landlord is separated from his wife and children. The children come to visit him once in a while though. So,my landlord and I have been together. He says I can stay in the apartment as long as I like that he will not collect money from me again.

The issue now is,his separated wife is trying to come back. I feel somehow saying this but I am in love with my landlord. I dont think I want him back with his wife. The decision belongs to him though but I have been praying that this man would choose me over the woman. But from his body language,it seems like he wants her back. The woman came in last weekend and spent the weekend with him. I was filled with jealousy. Well,I thought it was over but right after she left,this man came again to meet me for two rounds of s*x. He says he doesnt want her and  I know he loves me too. But she is still trying to come back .

Also Read >>  Just A Year After My Marriage -What Happened To Us?

The woman left him for another man when things were rough for him and now is trying to come back,I dont think she deserves him,He clearly still wants me and I do really want him.How can I make him choose me over her.?




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hmnnn wonder shall never end. If they just separated,i mean he didnt divorce her. I think she has 100% chance of coming back. The signs are there that he loves her, if he is still sleeping with her. You should start managing your feeling for him else….Genuinely tell me if not for the accommodation will you accept a man like him? I leave the rest to you

  2. Dear Gloria,
    You are worth more than what you have put yourself.
    Please let the man go!. He is separated,not divorced! If he wants you,let him sort himself with his wife and come for you.
    Dont keep putting yourself under pressure hoping a married man will leave his wife for you . No matter the issues they are having,they are still married.
    If you are scared of being able to afford your accommodation if you break off from the man,maybe its time to find a smaller apartment. With 2 kids,you can manage a smaller place.
    I hope you do the right thing today: kids are involved (his & yours),adults have to make better decisions,your kids are watching you.
    God bless you.

  3. Dear Gloria,

    You have just narrated that you are committing adultery, you are your landlords mistress and now living in his house for free.
    Sadly, He is using and ‘damaging’ you.

    He is still a married man and has the right to meet with His wife.

    ‘But since s*xual immorality is occurring, each man should have s*xual relations with HIS OWN wife, and each woman with HER OWN husband’. 1 Cor 7:2

    🔴 Please make peace with God, and do right by Him, find a ‘clean’ way to move out of that house, pray earnestly if you would like to be married again BUT decide not to have s*x anymore with anyone until they marry you completely and are ‘single’.

    It will not be an easy path, but if you hang in there, God will intervene and reward you in the end.

    All the best.

  4. @ Gloria, have you tried establishing contact with the Father of your children through His family to provide a monthly allowance towards the upkeep of his children ?
    Are you committed in your local assembly? Is there any support you can get from there?


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