Emmanuella is a young lady who reached out to me. I want LS family member to pray for her,advise her and encourage her. I know many young women in this same dilemma. This is close to my heart. She could not sleep. All she needs is love.
Emmanuella: I am Emmanuella. I was told to contact you.I need help… 😔😔😔😔. I have an issue.
Jzhane: Hello Emmanuella. How Can I be of help?
Emmanuella: My feelings are dead. My hatred for men increases day by day.I get easily irritated…..I hate…. Am too mean and uptight for a lady.
Emmanuella: I am single sha. I dunno. Guess its the way I grew up.I am not a saint though but…. I am too strict on myself. Am not living my life. I feel dead and empty. I really need help.
Emmanuella: I am gradually turning into a beast of my own self.I just see myself that way…. And it keeps going on and on. I just feel it. Am not like the regular kind of girl. Am so different….. Compared to the live of some people…. Mine is kinda empty.
Jzhane: How did you come about this?
Jzhane: My dear…its a natural thing for a mature or teenage human to have feelings for someone of the opposite sex
Jzhane: If men irritate you…that means something is triggering that
Jzhane: Aha….keep talking
Emmanuella: I had a violent and abusive childhood. They kinda freak me out….. I challenge than a lot
Jzhane: Ok…And what happened..What did dad do?
Emmanuella: He has always beaten and sexually abused her since I had sense.Witnessed a few…. Men complain that am too stiff, to uptight, too authoritative
Jzhane: My dear…I understand you. I was once like that. My dad was mean to my mom. I hated men too. I didn’t even cry when he died. I talk about it freely now cos its necessary for the healing process
Jzhane: I didnt want to date anyone
Emmanuella: Healing seems far from. Me. I might be talking to a guy now then I just see my dad’s face and the next thing I change and say the wrong things. Am so done……. 😭😭😭😭😭.Am in pains
Jzhane: You can heal dear. Just know one thing…your dad loved you but in his own crude way.Unfortunately he was not raised properly to take care of a woman. Maybe he felt the way to show love is by beating or buying gifts. My dear…trust me…he does not know better
Jzhane: Hurting people hurt others
Emmanuella : It has affected me socially……. People scare most especially men. He hands off my education
Jzhane: I know. But being born again also helped a great deal. It helped me forgive my dad. Even when I could still imagine the horrible things he did to my mother and me
Emmanuella: Since my 100l till now… Am hustling for myself. In my 300l now. My life is me.The hatred is too deep. Am wary of men
Jzhane: You see. You sound just like me.My dad never cared for me. But he would spend on outsides
Emmanuella: Yes. Exactly. He spends outside. 😳😳😳😳
Jzhane: This condition you have…Its Gods holy spirit that can completely heal you. But it’s a good thing you have asked for help
Emmanuella: I go to church…. I pray. I engage in the things of God
Jzhane: You need to know your father did what he though was best….He is still you dad even with flaws.
Emmanuella: But still……. It comes back one way or the other ☹
Jzhane: What church do you go to? Are you born again?
Emmanuella” ******** mission…. Enugu
Jzhane: Dont feel bad. God has you in mind. He built you to be strong that’s why he allowed you to go through this.
Emmanuella: Yes I know. Am way too strong that am scared of myself
Jzhane: Just be strong and courageous
Emmanuella: No matter the circumstances…. Even if I go out of my way…. I jump and pass. But how will I build my relationship. Life. I don’t have a relationship
Jzhane: Its ok to be too strong. But you can work on yourself. Try learning how to trust…Learn how to be vulnerable. Every man out there in NOT like your dad.Relax…do not be too hard on people…or yourself.
Emmanuella: Trust is another issue
Jzhane: Start by saying the right things about yourself
Emmanuella: I also have a beastic anger. Ok. I act before I think. And keeping things to heart… Worsening thing
Jzhane: Say to yourself:I am a loving person.I refuse to allow fear hold me back.I have the ability to trust people.I do not have the spirit of anger.God is bringing very wonderful people my way
Jzhane: Say this
Lord:You know my heart. I want you to heal my heart of every hurt and pain. Help me to love the way you created me to love. I will not fear…Even if I make a mistake..lord help me…protect me form making a mistake that would cost me so much
Emmanuella: I just said that.. Done already
Jzhane: Start saying the things you wish you could do. Say them to yourself…vocalize those words
Emmanuella: Ok. Will do that now
Jzhane: You will be fine. Just make sure you start saying the right things to yourself. Forgive your dad. If you don’t…you will keep struggling and suffering
Emmanuella: Forgiveness is hard. ☹☹☹☹
Jzhane: It’s for your own good dear. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to harm yourself and expecting your enemy to die.
Emmanuella: Will try
Jzhane: Everyone deserves to be forgiven even yourself. You and I are not perfect but God forgives us.We need to forgive too. You can do this…You can…forgive him. And forgive anyone who will hurt you in future
Jzhane: Life is too short to be holding grudges or bring angry or bitter for too long. You are robbing yourself of joy. And being free to love
Emmanuella: Ok.. Let’s continue tomorrow..my head is full… Need to sleep….