Thursday, October 17, 2019
Home Ask Jzhane Should I Propose On Valentine's Day Or Wait A Little More?

Should I Propose On Valentine’s Day Or Wait A Little More?

Dear Jzhane,

Today was supposed to be the day I propose to my girlfriend of 19 months. I love Ada so much but she is very annoying sometimes. I do not know if it is the age difference (she is 29, I am 36). Being in a relationship with her has had its up and downs. Ada is fun and kind but she sometimes gets a loose mouth. What do I mean: she tends to say things that can be hurtful without realizing it. She makes bad jokes and I have cautioned her several times.

Ada blames her mouth to the way she was raised. She grew up in Warri amidst serious and tough life conditions. I can understand that the way she talks sometimes mean no harm but I find them not good especially for a woman. Ada has called me a goat before. I hear her call people things like :Idiot or even laugh and say someone is crazy.

Another thing is she likes to argue. Sometimes blindly. And that makes it hard for her to take corrections. She says I always try to prove that I am right all the time but…I am actually right most times…lol…

So,despite all these,what exactly is good with Ada?…she is fun,humorous, a great cook,gist buddy and very hardworking…I think this is crazy love sha…I also love how brutally honest she can be….I only wish she was more tactful in her speaking….

Ada and I have always talked about getting engaged on Valentine’s day. She is quite a romantic. (women right)…and I planned to propose to her this valentine’s day but we quarreled last week…it was really hurt me the way she said some things. We were talking about something and she had a different opinion and she said: you do not think with your brain sometimes!….yes…(sigh)…I know…I was quite upset and told her her mouth will make me break up with her.

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She responded by saying: That If I cannot accept her for who she is,its better we break up. She admitted that she is work in progress,I just feel she is not working hard enough. I left angrily and I have not spoken to her in almost a week. I actually thought she would call me at some point and we will make up …but she did not..this is the longest we have gone without speaking with each other.

Now,today is valentine. I miss her like crazy. I love Ada but I am terrified that she may never change the way she talks. I just want to know if its ok to accept her the way she is. Her words are sharp and can cut through like razor…but I know she is a good person.

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What should I do…today is valentine,should I still propose?( I do not want her to think I have changed my mind about her making efforts) but my love for her is never in doubt…I just wish she tried a little harder….am I asking for too much?

From Cyril,

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:123RF

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Cyril,

    Thank you for taking time to explain your situation. I think everyone you will meet in life and fall in love with,will not be perfect.

    Ada has a life long behavior which will take some time to change…you have to weigh your love for her versus your distaste for her abuse of words before you take any decision.

    True,people who love us say hurtful things meaning them but the truth is,verbal abuse is as serious as physical abuse and it can damage the receiver as well.

    I think Ada needs help and coaching. And love to become better. This should not stop you from proposing today or any other day.

    You just need to sit her down and explain to her that you will always love her but you want her to commit to getting help and making a conscious effort to becoming better.

    I wish you all the best.

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