Tuesday, January 21, 2020
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She Is Making A Big Deal Out Of Nothing:Is This Petty Or Red Flag?

Hello,

Please what do you advise? My soon to be bride just found out something about my ex and she is threatening to quit our relationship just for a very flimsy reason.

My ex is a banker. She and I were together for almost 5 years. During that time,she was the one managing my account. I am a business man,by God’s grace,I also run my own company.

This ex of mine was very instrumental to the growth of my business financially. Being in the financial sector,she helped me get funding that would have been very difficult to get. The facilities I got to take my business off the ground came from here.

Naturally,she became my account officer. You know in banking,the accounts you manage determine your promotion and reward in climbing the professional ladder. So,even though both of us broke up two years ago,she begged me to remain my account officer. Which I agreed.

Now,I am in a relationship with this lovely lady. Everything is going fine. We have done our introduction. Until she finds out that my ex is my accounts officer. And then she flips and says why should my ex still be my accounts officer. I tried to explain to her but she wont listen.

I mean,we have been together almost 2 years. That means,I have not been with this ex for 2 years. I have not even seen her for a long time. We only talk on phone. I have never cheated nor flirted with my ex or anyone. Why would my fiancee be so insecure about my ex?

This became an issue and she says she is backing out if I do not remove my ex as my account officer. I think that is childish and insecure and I told her that. She knows I love her but what she is asking me to do is insensitive to another human being.

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My fiancee is giving me attitude about this and frankly,she says our wedding plans are on hold until I do what she wants….that is taking it too far and its making me wonder what kind of woman she is…

Before now,me and her have never had any serious misunderstanding….this is our first major one…I have given her no cause to every doubt my love for her but now she says allowing my ex to hold on my my account shows I still care about my ex…that is not true.

Will she be a petty kind of wife in future?…I personally do not like drama…I like peace…and she knows it. Please ,what should I do? Is her behavior normal or is this a red flag for our marriage?

Post anonymously please…

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Sir,

    Thank you for reaching out. Well,I think this is a simple matter.

    First,realize that the saying that men and women are from different planets has some hilarious truths to it. What I mean is.when it comes to matters of the heart,men see things differently from the way women see things.

    So, in this case,while you see her reaction as childish and non necessary,she sees an ex who you were with for 5 years..someone who helped you build your business…and is still somehow seeing your inflow and outflow…knows your financial capability as a threat to her.

    With exes….the feelings NEVER really die…people just repress them. So,please speak to your ex…and move your account from her. You can still keep the account in the same bank but managed by someone else.

    I think your current wife to be,her security and peace of mind should be more important to you than an ex who may loose a few accounts.

    People who feel insure in relationships feel that way because their partners put them in those positions,whether knowingly or unknowingly.

    Trust is earned in relationships. …not demanded….if you want her to trust you,then leave no room for her to even doubt you for even 1%.

    I do not think this is a red flag..I think its petty a little bit but very important for your relationship to survive. And guess what,there is an element of petty in every human being. It shows up when they are being out in conditions they are not used to.

    Let your woman know that with her,every other woman comes second ok…she will adore you for the rest of your lives.

    Its not even a do or die affair. Please fix this,you will both be fine.

    (A few men may differ on the above suggestions but that is how it is,at least from a woman’s perspective…..lol)

    Remember this as you go into marriage: happy wife…happy life!

    God bless you.

  2. Hello sir, thanks for sharing. Women to a large extent are much smarter than most men believe. Women sees very far ahead especially in marital related issues. Your wife to be is simply trying to fortify her marriage. She is not Petty. Turn the table around, your ex will do the same thing. Your ex managing your account will make your wife feel highly vulnerable. If she must manage the account for any reason which i don’t advice ,it should be done thru a proxy. Women are in constant virtual war and they owe no one any apology about it. Building a happy home is a worthy investment, key into it. Thanks

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