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The See-Finish Syndrome and how it’s killing Relationships

After some time of knowing your partner, you can begin to take them for granted.

The see-finish syndrome has entered the relationship, and there is a staleness attached to their love, that shouldn’t be there. Some people can say it is being comfortable and vulnerable with your partner…well good and nice, but it could also spell the death of your relationship, if this over -familiarization is taken a bit too far.

I’m going to be speaking from a guy’s perspective. That’s all I know how to feel, and anyways, I have the perfect foil to tell this story. You see, one of my close buddies, the last member of my inner caucus just told me how his girlfriend of two years has taken to “organising his life.” Those were his exact words.

According to him, his babe now runs the show; from what he eats, to where he eats, his clothes, and even speaking on his behalf, after which, she would look at him and expect him to nod his affirmation. He said he sometimes felt like he was a zombie, who was expected to follow where it’s master leads.

He told the story of how their outing over the weekend had been micromanaged down to the pizza they ate after the movie they watched, which, of course, was her choice. He said, he had wanted to order something else at the eatery, when ‘her royal majesty’ decreed they were having pizza, since that was what they had the last time they went out.

“Must I eat Pizza every time?” He asked me. Abeg, na who I go ask? Do I look like his babe?  He ate the pizza grudgingly, and paid for it with even more grudge, but his babe was happy.

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The issue is, they weren’t always like this. Before now, his babe was always asking his opinions about every and anything related to him, and to her own life, but she just changed tune, since the beginning of this year. Now, she tells him what to do, and does things the way they have always done them, regardless of any need for change. The see finish syndrome has set in.

After three years together, my Nelly and I can almost be referred to as an old married couple,  except we are not married yet. But we know each other’s routine so well, that I feel offended when she is not doing what she’s supposed to be doing at a time.  It’s as if she is not allowed to be spontaneous, and do other things.

I can not also count the number of times I have gotten her call, and the first thing she asks me is, “Where are you? Why are you not in so and so place?” And there goes the start of a usually long conversation, about why I’m where I am, and not where I should be.

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And there are times I want to tell her about my day, and from the other end of the line, she is rehashing everything that I told her during the day. And the times, I actually see her, she would get a drink and sip, while I talk.

Yes, she makes the appropriate sounds, smiles, and even pat my head, when it’s the Eeeyah moments, but I can’t sometimes help but feel as though she knows the exact word that would be coming out of my mouth, even before, I say it, and that she is just indulging me, and not really listening. Now Nelly, you know why those calls have become less. I think you know what I want to talk about, even before I start.  Telepathy or see-finish syndrome?

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I don’t even want to think about what the See-finish business can do to the s*x life of married couples. (Don’t bother with the side eyes). Imagine doing the same style every time…just how boring can that get? I don’t even want to think about it. This is an absolutely intolerable situation, especially in the bedroom.

But guess what, if the See finish syndrome enters a relationship, in any aspect, it will likely infiltrate everywhere, and that’s why its better that things do not degenerate to such an extent.

What the see-finish syndrome can do to you is dry up the spontaneity in your relationship.

You put your partner in a box, and won’t let them out. That’s such a shame, as people have a huge capacity to grow and be better than they currently are.

If you get stuck in your see-finish attitude, you just denied yourself the best of your partner, as you’re still operating in your past knowledge of your partner. Brace up, embrace the new and enjoy your relationship.


After years of floating in the dating wilderness, Obiora is happily engaged to his soul mate. He has been on both sides of the breakup spectrum, meaning he has dumped and been dumped. He has felt heartache raw and stinging, and has learnt a lot of lessons along the way.



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


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