Sunday, August 2, 2020
Home Advice Second Wife Or Single Mother- Which One Is Better For Me?

Second Wife Or Single Mother- Which One Is Better For Me?

My ex husband and I were married for 11 years. I got married at the early age of 20. He was 31. He sponsored part of my schooling cos we met when I was in 200 level. All through the 11 years,there was no peace in the marriage.

There was pressure on me to get pregnant. I thought it was school pressure that prevented the pressure but after I graduated,no pregnancy. That made my husband become mean to me. He accused me of being an adulterer. That I had so many abortions that is why I failed to conceive.

Mark you,my husband was the one who disvigirned me.I took all the insults. He started cheating and neglecting me. When he came to me,it was to rape me and call me all kinds of insulting names. I became miserable. Going from prayer house to prayer house.

My husband eventually kicked me out after 11 years.I rented my apartment after staying with my parents for 4 months. I met a guy who used to be in my school but different department. We dated for a just one month and I missed my period. I was pregnant.

I was shocked cos I thought I was truly barren. I told the guy I was pregnant and he told me to abort it. That he has a fiancee which he did not tell me when we met.  I told him I wont cos I been without a child for 11 years. This was God blessing me,I can not remove God’s blessing to me.

He eventually accepted I should keep the baby. Now,I thought things would be different but he spends much time with me even though he has a fiancee. He says he cant stay away from me,he loves me so much. I love him too. I just do not know why he wants me even after all this.

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He is planning his wedding yet he spends the night with me every Tuesday and Friday. His fiancee is also pregnant. I do not like men who cheat so I told him we have to stop seeing each other yet he refused. He said he is marrying the fiancee cos its a taboo in her place to be pregnant without being married. That he will leave her after the marriage.

I did not agree with his plan so he gave me a ring to show how serious he is…he also said I will be his second wife. But that after a year or so,he will leave the other lady cos he does not really love her like he loves me. I think he is crazy. I do not want to be a second wife. But I see he is very serious.

He takes good care of me and gives me money but I do not want to be a second wife. My parents are happy and they already call him in-law. But the fiancee is not aware about me. She is due like 4 months before me. I am finding it hard to live with myself.

I discussed with my parents but they say I am just being stupid. That no man will marry me with another man’s child,so I better settle for my baby daddy. That its better to be a second wife than being a single mother. Please advise me. I never in my life imagined I would end up as a second wife…

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I just hope everything works out….What do I do….I am really confused…


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. The question is are you aware that he’s got a fiancee and about to settle down with her before you allow yourself to get pregnant ? If they answer is yes, then you made a big mistake which you must know there are consequences and pains that goes with it. But if your not aware about his marital status but accidentally got pregnant is a different things altogether. In this case God has decided to smile at you, and in as much as the man is committed to your well being and that of the child coupled with your parents support. Your case is not far from David, bathsheba, and Uriah. Solomon is the product and he still reigned and waxed strong.

  2. Hello,

    In answering your question,i wonder if you want to deal with the truth.

    Finding your self in unpleasant circumstances is one thing…deciding to leave the unpleasant circumstance is another.

    Fine, you did not know this dude was engaged…now you know…what else do you need to know that he is not the one for you…his fiancee is as good as his wife.

    Please do not make thing worse….do not reduce your self worth by sharing another woman’s man

    He told you he does not love her…do you know what he is telling her?

    What if he is playing both of you? He just wants to eat from both women and have fun.

    A man who cannot be satisfied with one woman will never be faithful to you….who knows,there maybe there women he is also messing around with and telling them same thing he is telling you.

    Do not be a second wife…that relationship was founded on deceit…you suffered in your first marriage…do not make a worse mistake.

    As for being a single mother…its not a stigma…life happens and you can still live a happy and fulfilling life. Top of my finger,I can count 10 single mothers who are very successful in this life and have re-married…even when they were not so young.

    I think you should gather whatever self respect that you still have and leave this man alone…he is not worth the trouble.

    Have your baby and live a responsible life going forward….

    God bless you.


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