Saturday, January 25, 2020
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Please Help Me Save My Relationship From Shame!

Good day ma,

Please help me save my relationship from shame. I am in a two year relationship with my fiance but we stay in different states for now. I got a job in Asaba but my fiance is in Benin. I had to take the job after staying at home for almost 4 years after I did my service with no job.

My fiance was like,I can work there and be coming home every other weekend or so. He introduced me to his friend in Asaba to help me get an apartment. But for the main time,I was to stay with his girlfriend until I can afford to pay for my own place. That was the arrangement until he broke up with his girlfriend.

Of course,I had to leave his girlfriend’s place since they were no longer together. Accommodation is expensive in Asaba and I have not made enough money to get my own place. So,I had no choice but to move in with my Fiance friend. I did not tell my fiance though cos I know he will not like it.

My plan was to beg a lady that works in the same office with me if I could stay with her until I got my place. The lady said I should give her till month end as she was squatting some people that will leave by that time. So,I felt staying with this guy will just be for 2 weeks or less,so no need of telling my fiance.

However,something happened on the third day at his place. He came back drunk that night and forced himself on me. He raped me. I cried and blamed myself but the next day he kept on apologizing and begged me not to tell my fiance. I was confused and telling my fiance will cause more trouble cos I did not tell him I was staying with his friend.

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At the end of the month,my colleague disappointed me. She said I cannot come to her place,that her husband refused. I was devastated. I had no place else to go but remain in this guy’s house. This continued for 2 months. By this time,something had happened between us. It happened one night as we were watching movies together.

We started having s*x. I told myself this was like the first time he raped me but the truth is,he is not raping me. I am shamelessly enjoying it. Or maybe its cos I am afraid he will throw me out if I do not give it to him. I really want to keep my job. But I am feeling so guilty cheating on my fiance and I cannot help myself.

This guy has not said he loves me.We just s*x like lovers. He is quite hard to resist. I need help. If I tell my fiance,our engagement will be over. I still love him. If only I had somewhere to go to stay,am sure I will no longer be sexually attracted to this guy.

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Now,I always come up with excuse why I cannot come home during the two weeks that we agreed. My fiance said he will come and visit me next week. I don’t know what to do. His friend said I should tell him that I will be going on official duty so he will not come…will he believe me…

Or should I tell him I stay with his friend for the interim..maybe he will understand I had no where else to go….will he suspect anything is going on…I am scared…Please help me save my relationship from shame.

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Please advise me.

Anonymous LS Facebook Fan


Photo Credit:Madameniore

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello,

    You need to ask yourself this question: which is more important,your job or your relationship with your fiance?

    At this rate,you have to sacrifice one for the other. It appears you already chose your career or so you are telling yourself. You keep telling yourself you have no choice,no where to go to,so you sleep with your fiance’s friend to keep your job…

    You need to either tell your fiance and quit that job or break up with your fiance to keep your job.

    The second option is also wrong. Having sex with a man cos of accommodation problems is the wrongest reason in the world….he does not love you…you are both not married….you are both betraying his friend( your fiance)…..he will dump you one day when he is tired of you…all you are to him is a provider of free sex.

    So,don’t you want to go for option 1?…tell your fiance…ask for his forgiveness…you may loose him….you may also loose your job but you will be doing the right thing

    Who knows…your fiance might be forgiving ….he may even come up with support for you to get your accommodation…..

    Wish you all the best.


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