Wednesday, February 19, 2020
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Please Advise Me: Can I Still Marry My Fiance After What He Did?

Hello ma’am,

I need your quick advise. I am in a long distance relationship.My boyfriend is in Ukraine. He will be rounding up his masters this December and we will be having our traditional wedding around that time.

He has been there for three years and its not been easy. He always says he misses me and I miss him too. Just to keep him satisfied,sometimes I send him pictures of myself (nude pictures)..but he says he cannot wait for us to be together for the real thing.

My cousin who is also in Ukraine chatted with me recently and said she did not want to see heart broken,that I should ask my fiance about one Udoka. That it appears he is in relationship with a Yoruba lady in Ukraine.

My cousin even sent me the photo of the lady. I asked my fiance and he denied anything was going on with them. This made my cousin reach out to the lady. She chatted with the lady and the lady confirmed that my fiance is her boyfriend but that they are having issues.

She showed me their chats which I showed my fiance so he could not deny it anymore. He said that he did not date her but that slept with her on a few occasions when he was a bit vulnerable. That now he has told her that nothing can happen between them but she has refused to accept that.

Again,my cousin corroborated the above. The lady said that my fiance tried to break up with her after sleeping with her but she is in love with him and will do anything to get back to him. All these she said without knowing about me.

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My cousin then told her that my fiance is engaged to be married this December and she said my fiance told her but she thought he was lying. Now my worry is that,I just found out that my fiance cheated on me and did not tell me until I found out. And the lady involved still like him and I am not there with him.

To be honest,I fear that they may still be seeing each other. I also now have trust issues for my fiance. Should I postpone my wedding for now? But he will be fully back in December…maybe there will not be any need to worry about the lady again…

Please advise me. My family is aware of the situation,they say I should not worry about the lady since its almost December when my fiance will return fully. My fiance has really begged me to forgive him saying that he really tried but he failed and he has sworn on his father’s grave never to cheat on me again.

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To be honest,I have invested so much in this relationship. I love my fiance. Apart fromĀ  this issue,he is a good man…should I over look this one mistake and move forward?…What do you think?


Rachel (Not real name)


Photo Credit:Parents Magazine Africa

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello,

    Obviously you love your fiance and you are already considering forgiving him. I think he deserves forgiveness too. Long distance relationships are hard.

    My only issue is: you both need to sit down and have deep conversations where you must establish a foundation of trust. Mistakes may happen in a relationship but denying the truth wont help anyone.

    Hopefully,he is not a serial cheater. Cheating should never be an option. However, you have to be prepared for that one mistake. After the first time,its no longer a mistake.

    Pray about this matter. Talk to him. You may need to post pone the wedding a couple of months so both of you can possibly attend therapy together. In therapy, address all your issues and concerns. His behavior (remorse and true behavior change) will tell you if you both have a future together.

    I pray you rise above this.

    God bless you


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