Good evening ma,
Hide my name please. I really need advice. Its about my fiancee. I have been friends with her since 2010. I like her alot but she was in a relationship so I had no choice but to keep my distance.
However,her then boyfriend used to cheat on her and they used to fight and break up and make up every time. When they break up,I used to be the one that she will run to. I will comfort her and tell her she deserves better. She will be swearing that she will never go back to him.
But guess what,she will still go back to this guy after the guy begs her. Maybe buys her a few gifts. It was like that:up and down. Break up today, make up tomorrow. I used to wonder what hold this guy has on her. Well,eventually,they had a big fall out. She eventually left him for good.
She left really battered emotionally. I think that is where the problem is. Her self esteem and lack of trust began but I had no idea. After like a year,I approached her to let her know how I feel about her. We started dating and I began to realize how much she lacks trust.
She became a monitoring spirit. Calling me,where are you. Going through my phone. Asking me of every on my contact. She was short fused…easily angered. This her attitude bothered me. As her friend,I tried several time to talk to her about it. She will cry and blame it on her past experience.
Because of that,I tried to forgive her and overlook her behavior but it kept getting worse. She would call me if I told her I was coming and I came late a little bit. She would go gaga. And then,any small thing,she would break up with me. telling me its over. I would beg her and before you knew it,the former cycle continued.
For me,that is not a healthy relationship.I warned her if she continued like that,she could push me totally away. When she realizes herself,she would cry and cry. And I do not like seeing a woman cry,talk less of a woman that I love. I really do not know what to do.
I thought that if I engaged her,she would feel a little reassured. We got engaged last two months. She was happy. I was happy too. All was going well. Until two weeks ago when something happened. My ex whom I am friends with. At least she has moved on to another man,came to Lagos and she stopped by to see me.
I was surprised cos she did not call me but she explained that she lost her phone and my number. Unfortunately,my fiancee was around,so I did not even allow her stay. From the gate,I chatted with her and explained the situation to her and she left. She was even laughing at me for being with such a possessive woman.
Not knowing that my fiancee was watching us from the curtain inside. As soon as I got in,all hell broke loose. All my efforts at explaining fell right on deaf ears. She got very dramatic and left my house after throwing my ring at me. Calling me all kinds of names,cheater,man whore,etc.
She refused to see me when I got to her place. She blocked me on every medium. I was truly surprised and exhausted. So,I decided to let her be for the time being. I did not hear from her for a whole week. I got to her place and was told she went out. I waited until 9pm. When she came back,she was dropped off by her former abusive ex.
You can imagine my shock. I asked her why she suddenly went back to this guy,she said,since all guys are the same,she better stick with the one she knows. I told her good bye and deleted all her details with me. I have been trying to move on since then.Until last Saturday,she came crying and begging.
This girl tire me. I love her so much but she got issues. I told her that. She says she knows she has issues and that I am the only one that understands her and can help her. She said she went back to that guy because she was so upset but she knew she was wrong. She knows I love her. She knows I have a weak spot for her.
What do I do? Should I accept her back? How will I continue to live like this? She has sworn to change but has she not sworn before? I do not want to loose her but she also needs to work on her attitude. All I want is love and peace. If you were in my shoes,what would you do?
Jared (Not real name)