Playing the Ostrich with S*x: Is This Subject Over Rated?


The subject of sex has been with us for as long as human being have been on earth.  We all know that the wrong use of sex has created more problems for humanity than any other causes of life’s challenges.  In spite of this overwhelming and glaring truth, we have continued to play hide and seek with the subject by allowing illicit sex to continue to fester on the altar of freedom and modern living.  One institution that should have been in the fore-front of discussing sex and educating the youths on its dangers is the Church; yet it is rarely discussed as it is considered a taboo.

It is important to stress that sex was created by God and for a reason.  It is good and not evil.  Nothing created by God is bad; as a matter of fact, after all of God’s creation, He stepped back and praised Himself by calling it GOOD.  Sex was created for enjoyment, an icing on the cake of marriage and for procreation.  Sex is wrong when it is abused.


When you don’t use drugs as prescribed, it is called “drug abuse”.  When a child is treated wrongly by an adult by trying to steal their innocence, it is called “child-abuse”.  When sex is used for the wrong reasons, it is of course SEX ABUSE.  Therefore, sex outside the confines of marriage is definitely an abuse.  With due respect to modern day advocates for freedom of any kind – sex outside marriage is an abuse.


Sex is common-place today and abused because as society advances, we become more SELF-FOCUSED than God and others-focused.  The true meaning of love is now lost and it is replaced with feelings and emotions that must be satisfied here and now.  Hollywood, Nollywood, Bollywood and all the woods puts it in our faces daily.  We describe beautiful ladies as “sexy”; the  dress has to be so and even household items like refrigerators and the like are called “sexy”.  Sex is everywhere we go.  We dress to “kill” because if we don’t have sex appeal, we are considered not to have the right “swag”.   Sex is now on the same pedestal as love – that is how love has been misconstrued.  If you “love” someone, then you must sleep with them.  When you are done lying with them, “love” dies.


When you engage in premarital sex, which I called “illicit”, it is a reflection of lack of honour and the absence of respect for your body or the one of your sex partner.  You loss some value every time you have sex outside marriage.  Your personal values are eroded each time non-marriage sex takes place.

Respect for sex itself is lost when you enter marriage with a history of illicit sex.  We must not forget that sex is that activity which consummates marriage itself; if it is devalued before marriage, then marriage losses its real taste.

A man can have think-less, thoughtless and emotionless sex.  A woman gives her all when she engages in sexual intercourse.  That is why women are more broken when a relationship ends especially if the partners have been sexually active.  Between persons heading for marriage, sex between them has a potential to break trust, inadvertently licenses indiscipline and reduces expectations towards the wedding date.

The list of dangers of illicit sex can go on and on.


People who think sex is “love” get disappointed after series of sex escapades; they feel empty and the lady or guy who means so much begins to look ordinary.  This is why I strongly believe that sex is over-rated.  Let’s look at this from this perspective: the average sex act is 30 minutes – that is being generous.  We have a 24 hour day; if you marry someone on the basis of a thirty minutes activity, what would you be doing with the remaining 23 hours 30 minutes?  Have you figured that out?  Sex wanes with age between couples; at 60 to 70 years, the drive cannot be as high as when they were 25, 30 to 40 years old.  If you do not have any relationship outside of sex as a married couple, what would you be doing at that age when sex isn’t the real deal anymore?


In our relationship with the opposite sex, we must begin to develop a non-sexual relationship based on clear values.  Let us endeavour to find out who the person we are dating is on the inside.  What is their purpose as aligned with ours?  What is our lives really about and how can we connect with a partner who sees life from the same perspective?  If only we can let sex be the icing on the cake of our relationship, albeit marriage, then life and society will be a lot better.  A relationship or marriage based solely on emotions and sex will always end up in frustration.