Wednesday, February 19, 2020
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People Think I Am Crazy But I Found Love In The Tough Place

Good evening ma,

I am Evelyn by name (not real name) . I am a 32 years old living in Lagos with my girlfriend. We share a self contained apartment. I actually came to Lagos two years ago for a better life.I was in Ilorin before then doing marketing job that was not paying.

My friend helped me get a Teaching job here in in Lagos which I am using to manage myself. At my age,I get alot of pressure from friends and family on when I will get married,I always try to remain focused as no serious man has come for my hand in marriage.

I was in a few relationships before,it did not work out. I have been trusting God for my man,the one He prepared for me. A year ago,I was going out early in the morning to get to work before 7am. I was at the bustop when someone attacked me and snatched my bag. I started to raise an alarm and a few people came around to my aid.

Some area boys came too. One of them called Big Sam (not real name) came and asked me a few questions. I was shocked at how good is English was. He took my details and said they will catch the attacker. And two days later,big Sam returned my bag and other stolen items to my place. I was shocked,I asked him how he got the items back,he replied: this is my area.

From that day,big Sam and I became friends. I found out that he is a graduate from LASU. He comes from a politically active family and he works mostly on  the streets like a streets kingpin. He also runs a few street businesses. I asked him why he decided to live like this: he said that is how he was raised. He has traveled outside this country but being a grassroots person is what makes him happy.

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I found that he is a very smart person too. From being my friend,I began to like him. He also began to develop feelings for me. I just did not like his lifestyle. He moved with politicians and street boys called area boys. He has a good apartment and cars but he is just a rough guy.

Big Sam is never one to shy away from street fights or violence. He was feared in the area but I also know he has enemies. He was always being protective of me and anyone close to him.I tried not to fall in love with him but that is tough. I am from a very reserved upbringing.  My room mate did not understand what I found attractive from this loud and dangerous man.

Its been almost 9 months of dating a streets kingpin. Its been full of ups and downs but I have never been so in love in my life. Big Sam has a 5 year old son from a previous relationship. He adores this boy and it was easy for me to like this child too.

Big Sam is keen on marrying me. But I am scared of his lifestyle. He promises to send me abroad after our marriage but I am the kind of woman who would like to stay with the husband. The bigger problem is how do I even convince my family that this is the kind of man I want to marry.

Clearly,our lifestyles do not match. BS is from a large political clan….everywhere he goes,people know him and his family. Every where there is fight and clash,he is there. I fear alot for his safety. But he keeps saying its his destiny and no one can kill him before his time.

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We want to go and see my parents in Ilorin. I told my senior brother and my mother already about BS but he and my mom out rightly refused. My friends already think I am crazy. I love Big Sam…he treats me well. He can be very loud and angry sometimes but we always get over our issues very easily. He sometimes feels I look down on him cos of his lifestyle. Its a crazy love situation for me but it makes me quite excited.

Please I need some tips on how to convince my family to please give us their blessings but I also wonder if this is not a mistake I am making?…can I really fit into this kind of life…please pray for me and advice me.






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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Evelyn,

    If you found love in a man that is like your Big Sam and you are still with him,what advice should anyone give you that would change the mind of a 32 year old like yourself?

    I do not know your guy …only you know well enough….he clearly makes you happy right…have you really given this a long and hard thinking and praying that it deserves?

    He also sounds dangerous…..have you weighed the consequences of how his dangerous lifestyle might affect you future?Is he the man who you can picture growing old with? The man to father your children?

    His lifestyle may not change…have you found peace with that? Of course,there are women who will marry men like Big Sam but they probably have settled in their minds that they can live with their choice…can you live with your choice?

    Your family may not accept him now but ultimately,at 32…its your decision. You are the one going to live i that marriage with the man and his lifestyle. Your family will only come to accept him later when they see that the marriage is working out.

    So for now,do not expect an acceptance of your guy…maybe your father might accept or not..but your mother and brother….not yet….you are the only one who knows him more than anyone.

    Think long and hard and pray about this…if you feel peace and confident…go ahead…but if you do have doubts….step on your breaks.

    We wish you all the best.

  2. My dear, go ahead and marry him his the man for you, Mark my words, he’ll change because of you…. Guys like this or relationship like this so have a positive end. Though you’ll need to be a tough and thorough christian now so it will work out for you and for your marriage


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