Sunday, July 5, 2020
Home Advice Our Marriage Has Been Over For Years:What Is There To Hope For?

Our Marriage Has Been Over For Years:What Is There To Hope For?

Please post as anonymous. I need advise before I start loosing my mind. I have been married for about 8 years. I have been earning much higher than my husband until he even lost his job 4 years ago.

Thereafter,he has not been working. I give him money monthly as pocket money and I run the home. By God’s grace,I am very comfortable so I am able to provide for all our needs. Then,we agreed that he would be taking care of the children until he gets another job.

However,I discovered he is not planning to get another job. He says he wants to travel abroad. Why travel abroad? I have a good job here,why leave to go abroad and leave your family. It became quarrel everyday until I gave him money to process his papers and travel.

My husband traveled to US since 3 years ago and has not returned. We talk on phone but most times he will say he is working so he cannot pick my call. I visited US a year after her traveled and we quarreled before I left cos he was living waywardly. Partying and clubbing and going to work. I had to leave him to go stay in the hotel before I left.

Its like he just wants to flex life and not be serious. I find his behavior very annoying. Now,I feel like I am alone in the marriage. Last year,we discussed him returning home at least to see the kids. Last minute,he did not show up. The kids miss him but its like he does not miss them.

Me,I am like married to a ghost. I have feelings and needs. I have spoken to his parents and the elders of our family,everyone keeps telling me to calm down and pray and be patient.

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Just yesterday,I told him that this his nonsense will not continue this year and he blurted out: that he wants a divorce. I thought I heard wrong but then,I was not too shocked. He has been living all by himself and I guess he is no longer in love with me.

I have cried my share of tears. I told my people and they say I should be patient. But after 4 years,I think I see the handwriting on the wall. I blame myself for supporting him to go to the US. Maybe he wants to marry a white girl to get citizenship. I dont know and I dont care.

All I want is to give him the divorce. I know its a bit too early to conclude but I have been alone for 4 years. I do not know what else will change this year when he has finally said his mind. Its anew year,I want a new start.

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I want to file for the divorce…there is no point but everyone is saying I should wait…but waiting is making me loose my mind..what is the point of waiting when its obvious what he wants…am I asking God to change his mind when he has never really been much of a husband to me in the last 4-5 years?

Please advise me. I am young,34…I need a fresh start…one without this heart ache or drama.

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello,

    First, I would advise you take a deep breather. I empathize with you…this must not be easy to go through.

    But marriage is for better or worse. I do not think your husband is in his right state of mind. He may not have been much of a husband for several years but if there is any part of you that loved him once,now …you have to have a little faith in that love.

    This may not be easy but life my dear is spiritual and the spiritual controls the physical. Maybe ..just maybe…you need to hold on just a little longer.

    He says he wants a divorce…well,see how that pans out. Do not be the one to initiate it if you truly still care about him. If he goes through with it,then you cannot force him to stay with you.

    This is probably alot to take but you have to keep hoping for the best for your marriage. Its not over until its over.

    The reason I do not want you to throw in the towel is because I have seen marriages on the verge of breaking up …get turned around and works out just fine. You got to have faith no matter how small.

    In the mean time,hold your head up…stay afloat…do not get frustrated…in the end,all will be well.

    Do not take matters into your hands,let God take control and things take its natural course.

    You will be fine in the end.

    God bless


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