Saturday, December 7, 2019
Home Advice Our Love Shattered In Many Places:Can We Ever Mend This?

Our Love Shattered In Many Places:Can We Ever Mend This?

Tunji and I met when I was in 200 level. He has been my best friend,been through ups and down together. My family took to liking him. He was like they already saw him as my future husband.

When I got to final year, we started dating and got engaged after graduation. By then, Tunji had moved to Lekki cos the company he was working with gave him an apartment in Lekki. It was a bit difficult seeing him all the way from Egbeda so I had to go live with my Auntie

Auntie Kaka is my mother’s cousin actually but I call her Auntie. Tunji used to come visit me there. Auntie Kaka and her family welcomed him and treated him like family. So,I went for NYSC. Things still remained normal.

Tunji used to call me everyday and visit me every two weeks in Kogi where I was posted. He later became very busy at work and started coming once a month. By the 4th month,he stopped coming. He was on a project that did not give him anytime. He worked on weekends. But we continued speaking on phone.

I came home on the 6th month. I discovered Tunji did not like coming to my place. That is,my Auntie’s place. He gave one excuse or the other and said I should come to his place. I did not mind cos I had no reason to think he was lying to me with his excuses.

We spent time together before I went back to my base. Life went on. I then asked him when are we going to start making wedding plans.Because he has said we will be getting married after my service plan. So,I figured,we should start planning since I had only 3 months left for service year.

Tunji asked me to draw up the plan and start talking to my family for introduction and other stuff which I did. My introduction was fixed. I asked him to go and speak with my mum so she could tell him all the necessary things needed.

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A few weeks to my Introduction,my mom told my Auntie about it. She said my auntie told her that Tunji cannot marry me cos she found out that he has been dating her husband’s niece that is living with them since I left for NYSC. My mom shocked,called me to tell me what she heard.

Of course my mom was angry and quarreled with my Auntie for trying to snatch her husband’s niece snatch her daughter’s fiance. Auntie siad she found out initally and told Tunji to break it off and he promised to never do it again. She said she did not tell me cos she did not want to break my heart.

Everything scattered. The family was thrown into confusion. I called Tunji to ask him …he denied it and said it was the girl trying to push herself on him.

Things became tough. I wanted to believe Tunji. I felt anger towards my auntie and her husband’s niece who is like 6 years my junior. I am 28,she is 22.I never in my life thought such a thing could happen.

While we were still discussing this,my auntie revealed that her niece is pregnant for Tunji. And that the family is making hell that he must marry her cos he got her pregnant.That was the thing that finally broke us up.It was the worse break up of my life. I lost my best friend and husband to be to my 22 year old cousin.

Everyone blamed my auntie but she claimed she was not aware initially. But when she found out,she did not tell me. She did not send her neince away. Now,her mother who is my Auntie’s husband elder sister is claiming he either accepts the pregnancy or they will file for rape cos she is 22 and he is 35.

Tunji said the gilr kept pressuring him,seducing him. That was why he stopped coming to the house.

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But why he did not tell me?..he said he did not want to be the one to scatter the family. So she started coming to his house. Seducing him.Swore that it would be a secret cos she only wanted him to be close to him but she kept seducing him

Long story short,Tunji slept with her. Only once according to him but she ended up getting pregnant but Tunji is denying the pregnancy. He is demanding a DNA test but the girl’s mother said no.

Now,all wedding plans are on hold. I am too messed up right now. I told Tunji is over but he is begging me to stay and fight with him cos he is innocent. He swears he is not the father of the baby but he slept with her. And those people have refused for DNA test until she gives birth.

Even if I can forgive Tunji for sleeping with her …what if the baby turns out to be his? Should at least wait until the baby is born so the DNA test can be carried out. I cannot live with that. Trust has been broken.So I told him no. But ma,I am pained and heartbroken. I cannot stop thinking of Tunji. He has not stopped begging me.

What should I do? Should I take him back? Should I keep trying to forget him? My child hood friend gave me your contact. She says you counsel people. Please counsel me. I do not know what else to do.

This matter has split my family. Some of my family members want the marriage to continue …cos they love Tunji …but some other family members hate Tunji so much now. They see him as a traitor.

Tunji mother,has prayed for me that no one will steal what I worked hard for. She loves me and calls me Iya Okomi. She does not want me to leave. But what do I do with a situation like this?

Anonymous LS Fan

 

Photo Credit:Shattered Heart

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. Hello,

    This is quite a messy situation. Whether or not someone tried to seduce your fiance…truth remains he failed the ultimate trust test,….

    The worry should be :if he did this before marriage…what he could he possibly do after marriage.

    The decision is really up to you….you can wait until after the baby is born…have a DNA test…if the baby is his…then what? You leave or stay?…you leave…that means you wasted another like 7 or 8 months…

    Except you make up your mind to forgive him irrespective of the outcome of the DNA test….then both of you need to sit down and talk about the issue of trust and if that would be an issue in your marriage.

    You can both see a professional counselor together too. Pray about this. Let God guide you. But be careful not to let your emotions becloud your judgement.

    This is very messy…personally…I would not continue with that marriage…but its entirely up to you…you know how vested you are in this relationship…you determine if its worth giving a second chance.

    Wish you all the best!

  2. Tunji allowed your Aunty’s niece to visit him in his house, yet he claim she seduced him. She wouldn’t have had the opportunity to seduce him if he hadn’t created the atmosphere for it. It is even worse that he doesn’t want to accept responsibility for his fault.

    She was seducing him and he did not deem it fit to tell you. That shows he is not open and transparent with you. The question is, why he will allow your Aunty’s niece to visit him in his house when he knows she wants to seduce him. The actions of Tunji shows that he is not to be trusted.

    Truth is, God has already shown you the kind of man you are about getting married to.
    If you dig deep or carry out further investigation, you may even discover he is sleeping with other women.

    Now you know the kind of man he is. My question is, will you be able to live with him like that. If you can live with a man who has no discipline and you don’t mind him sleeping with other women, because he will still do it again, then you can go ahead and marry him.
    If I were to be in your situation, I won’t marry him.
    Above all, we are only humans. We can’t see tomorrow. So pray to God about everything and let God lead you.

  3. Hello,

    Forgive but let Him go. This incidence will cause pain in a marriage that has not even started .

    Stay close to God and let Him lead you, He will bring someone else .

    All the best

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