Only Wanted To Help My Son’s Marriage But Ended Up Destroying It

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Dear Jzhane,

I have done something very bad and I need help on what to do.I did not intentionally do this but I was trying to help my son and now I have ended up destroying his marriage. I am a single father of two young men. I was married for 19 years but my ex wife and I had some difficulties and we couldn’t handle it very well,it led to our separation and divorce.

At the time of my divorce,my first son was 16. He was a rebellious Teenager. He took his mother’s leaving very hard. He could not come to terms. His mother remarried and most times the boys were with me. I tried to date and remarry but it really didn’t work out. I am in a relationship with someone but I do not think marriage is in the picture.

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My sons are now 26 and 24. My first son got married to his girlfriend at age 25. I initially did not agree to the marriage because they were so young but he refused to listen to me. Kids these days,do they listen to anyone? His wife was 23 when they got married. A pretty girl. She is from a good home but a little spoilt. They must have been infatuated more than love.

Ever since they got married,my son and his wife has been having problems. I dare say my divorce still has a strong hold on my son. He and his wife were always fighting over childish matters. The fighting became very physical and I got to know as his wife called me when she first got beaten by him. I rushed to their house and took her to the clinic where she was treated.

I tried to mediate and correct my son never to hit his wife but he kept rebelling,saying he was  a man and no one should tell him how to live. He felt he could never take advice from me after all,I am divorced. The young wife did not want to tell her parents too because they could arrest her husband who was my son.

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So I pleaded with her to be a bit patient. Their fights became worse. One night,she ran to my place after they had a fight. I became the one always trying to resolve their issues. I felt really ashamed to have raised such an aggressive son. My daughter in-law and I became quite close as a result of this issues. Sometimes,I would be counselling her and talking to her about my marriage,hoping that by telling her,she would learn from my mistakes.

My daughter in-law and I shared so much between us. The hurts from my marriage and hers. We became emotionally attached. The emotions were uncontrollable. We deceived ourselves that it was nothing. Perhaps,just a father – daughter-in=law affectionate relationship. But the first time we kissed,we couldn’t even stop. It was like magic,like a force was controlling our sense of reasoning.

Anytime they had an argument,my daughter in-law would use that opportunity to come to my place to spend the night. The s*x was mind blowing. It became like therapy for both of us. I was having an affair with my son’s wife. And it made both of us happier. I feel dirty even saying that but that was the truth. Being together helped her cope with her marriage. She became peaceful and less aggressive to her husband.

Maybe because the attention she couldn’t get from her husband,she was getting from me. I knew it was dangerous but I loved it,she loved it. We thought we were saving their marriage and it was supposed to be a little secret of our own. And so it was for almost 7 months. Until she got pregnant!

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Yes,my daughter in-law got pregnant for me. She assured me that we were using protection but she got pregnant someone how. She did not even know she was pregnant until she fell sick and was admitted at the hospital. Her tests showed she was three months gone. My son was happy but I was scared. I hoped it was not mine. But my daughter in-law said the last time she slept with her husband was five months ago. The next time was  a month ago. But her pregnancy is three months.

It was clear that it was mine.Right now,we are both panicked. Confused and don’t know what to do. We have talked about aborting the pregnancy but she is afraid of the risks involved (what if she never has another child in her life,maybe God decides to punish her for her indiscretion). But my fear is,what if…not even what..its when my son finds out…what is he going to do….

My daughter in-law is thinking of quitting her marriage to save me from the disgrace. I am afraid for my son. His mother left him and he became something else….now his wife wants to leave and I am the cause again of this leaving…how am I going to avoid disaster which ever decision we take?

Another thing I am thinking:my son shares my DNA,what if he does not know that I am the father of this baby,will the DNA show any difference,after all,its still within the family…can anyone prove this medically?

I employ you and other readers to help me. I know what I did is as wrong as incest but I swear,it was not intentional,I got carried away and I need help.

Please alert me when you post this. Thank you.

From Mr. Ak

Durban,SA

 

Photo Credit:Video Blocks

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Mr AK,

    You are the father,the adult and you should have known better.

    You have seen how damaged your son is as a result of your divorce,why break him further with this?

    I think you need to remove yourself from your son’s marriage immediately. Go very far away.

    Before doing that,let your boy know what has happened. He should decide what to do. Its his wife,he can forgive her or whatever he decides…

    The woman can decide whatever she wants do with the pregnancy. Its incest anyway you look at it. She can keep it and decide to live with whatever future stigma that comes with it.

    You,on your own,have failed your son again and you should be very far away from him now.

    Maybe one day he will forgive you for messing up his life. Pray that he also gets the help he needs,he may have serious psychological effects from this double betrayal.

    In all,ask God to forgive you,you need it more than anything.

    Regards,

  2. Nana Jnr:
    Exactly, seriously am trying hard to come up with a good suggestion without judging.

    Let me try this

    1. The lady and the FIL shd both go to the lady’s parents and talk to them.

    2. Show enough remorse

    3. The FIL shd stay very faaaaarrrrr away from them, possibly relocate to another city or country.

    4. Take guidance and clues from the lady’s parents

    5. Check up on your son regularly without necessarily meeting up.

    6. Allow time to pass, be a better father this time around.

    7. Be sure to know he’s forgiven you. And apologize for messing up

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