Friday, September 20, 2019
Home Advice No Man Can Have You If I Cannot Have You:My Baby Daddy!

No Man Can Have You If I Cannot Have You:My Baby Daddy!

Hello Ma,

Please I need your advise. I have a baby daddy. I got pregnant for him during a short fling. He never promised me marriage but I prayed and decided to keep my baby. That is one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. I have a 4 years old boy.

Ever since I met my baby daddy,he always messes up my chances of meeting a new guy. He would be so nice to me sometimesĀ  dream that things can work out between us. But then,he would say he has a girlfriend or fiancee ,etc.

I had to make up my mind and tell him to stop giving me mixed messages. But soon as a new guy shows up in my life,he starts to come around and professing his love and this confuses me and even scares always other guys.

My father had to call him and warn him to back off. I had enough. God brought me a good man. This man,I told him everything about me and my baby daddy. He decided to love me all the same. Everything is going well for almost 7 months until my BD came again.

This time,sent a nude picture of me to my boyfriend. I sent to him some nude pics during one of my moment of weakness with him. This seriously put off my boyfriend cos my BD told him he even has videos which is even a lie. I went to his place an threatened him. He said no man will have me if not him.

I do not know what this man wants from me. He claims to be in a relationship. Apparently with another baby mama. But he still wants me. I will not lie,he makes me weak. I do not know whether its loveĀ  or obsession cos I try my best to resist him and when he tells me all the sweet things I keep falling for him.

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He is also a good father to our son. My son loves his dad and wants us to be a family together.

Is this a curse…he does not want to marry me but he would not leave me. Right now,I know he is sleeping with me and his other baby mama but I am helpless. I want to leave. My father is angry with me. I want to let him go. What do I do?

Some days I feel so depressed and I do not know what to do. I am now 37 years old.. I want to be married.My BD provides occasionally for us I want more than material stuff. Someone suggested I use jazz so he can marry me. Maybe then he can pick me?

I thought of relocating but I have a very good job here and it took me years to get to this level of my career…where will I go that I can find a job like mine? Even if I go,he will follow me cos he said he will never let his son out of his sight.

I truly need mature advice from people who understand my unique predicaments. No insults please.

Thank you.

 

Meg

 

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:Eskimi

 

Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Em…

    Hello Meg,

    You love a man who does not want to make you his one and only woman?

    Dear,that is not love….its more like lust…he lusts for you..tells you what you want to hear…prevents you from making head way in life…isolates others from loving you genuinely…is this the kind of life you want?

    No woman can be 100% happy in a polygamous relationship…the fact that he is not planning to marry you means he is getting goods for free and you keep giving it to him gladly.

    My dear….stand up for yourself…you deserve much more….you are smart,intelligent and beautiful….do not let anyone make you feel less deserving.

    Cut this baby daddy off. You can do it….anytime he tries to woo you, tell yourself you are better than a baby mama….you deserve to be chosen and wedded.

    Block him on your phone and all social media platforms….get a police restraining order…let him visit his son under supervision of a third party..never be alone in the same room with him.

    You need to stand up for yourself on this one…pleasure is for a minute…what do you really want for a lifetime?….total happiness is within your reach girl…stop settling for halfs…

    Just make up you mind that he is your past….he has no hold over you if you do not let him

    God bless.

  2. Mr. Adetona on whatsapp response to the above story:

    The past is in the past and you can’t forge ahead with wrong continuous decisions

    .you have to make that hard decision to first give him space…it is not meant to be easy…you need to reboot your life…

    Draw a line and give him 6 months to make a permanent decision… He will either graduate from Baby Daddy to Husband or let him be out of your life for a reasonable period 4 years…at 37, I think you are not getting younger… Cut off from him totally ( no other room show, dont depend on his financial support, no phone conversation, facebook, whatsapp, etc), then he will know you mean business…BD is playing with you because he sees you as option…become a NO NO to him…if he commits to you- fine, if he goes- good luck

    Keep any potential marital relationship a top secrete (else the BD will be like a monitoring spirit preventing you from moving on)…nobody fights what they don’t know..

    Take the boy to your parents or under a trusted care, so he won’t use the boy as inroad to monitor your settling down.

    He must not know about any of your new relationship again, else this monitoring aspect will continue until all your useful time is over…

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