Thursday, February 27, 2020
Home Advice My Wife's Former Employer Violated Her,Will I Find Out The Truth?

My Wife’s Former Employer Violated Her,Will I Find Out The Truth?

Good Day Admin,

Please keep me anonymous. I am married to a Togelese woman. She and I have been married for two years,we are expecting to expand our family anytime God decides. I cannot say things have been easy but we are coping. I am an officer in my office while my wife sells food and is a little catering on the side. Initially,she used to actually work as a house help before we got married. I didnt want her to continue in that line so she quit and we have been managing by God’s grace.

There is a family that my wife used to work for when she still doing the work of a house help. They were quite helpful when we got married. They gave us N50k and some gifts. My wife goes to see them once in a while since we got married too. Sometimes,because of the closeness,she assists them occasionally. When she comes back,she shows me food or gift they give her so I consider them like family.

Four months ago,my wife came back from their house where she went to visit them on day and she told me that something really bad happened. According to my wife,the husband of the woman she used to go and visit rped her. According to my wife,she had come to visit and found out that the man was home alone cos he was sick. The wife and kids were not around. She had wanted to leave but the man convinced her to help him boil water for his bath. seeing he was sick,she didnt mind. She boiled the water and was about to leave when the man pounced on her, held her down and rped her.

I was so livid. I was angry. But my wife was begging me. She cried and told me not to do anything about this. She was embarrassed enough. She also pleaded that she didnt want to break up family as the woman has taken her like a sister and she would be terribly hurt. Even though I didnt like idea one bit but after thinking about it for a day or two,I decided to let it be. My wife was depressed and I wanted her to stop feeling the shame of been violated.

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A week ago,I was on the bus to Agege. The person who sat beside me greeted me and said he was an employee of the place my wife used to work. On further inquiry,I found out he was working with the family that the husband violated my wife. He was a former security man for the family. I wanted to discontinue conversation with this guy but he asked me about my wife,saying I hope she has changed. I asked him what he meant,he said he didnt want to pry but he wanted to know if after what happened my wife had changed? I asked him why would my wife change,he said that he would like to mind his business. I kept urging him. He refused. I then said ,well if there is anybody that should change is that goat that cant keep his hands to himself . I told him that the man was flirting with my wife that is why she stopped going to their house.This guy laughed so hard and told me I must be a fool. At this point,he got to his bustop and got down. I was going further but I came down and followed him.

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I stopped him and asked him to tell me why he laughed cos he obviously knew more. seeing I was pressing fore more,this guy said that my wife and her former boss have been lovers even before we got married. Everyone in the house knew except his wife. That my wife used to brag about the gifts the man would give to her after they had had s*x. According to him,my wife and the man would secretly meet after she got married. But four months ago,the man’s wife caught them red handed. According to him,that is why my wife has not been showing up at their house anymore. I stood there looking at this guy. He told me to be careful. According to him,my wife is something else. I thanked him and I could not think properly through out the rest of my journey.

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When I got home,I told my wife what I was told. She acted so surprised and denied it so vehemently saying that not what happened,I then asked her if I should go and ask the man’s wife what happened,then she said no that the woman would only lie and support her husband. I mean,I was like,ok but lets ask her first. My wife is against me asking the woman,saying she wants to put the matter behind her. This has caused her trauma,saying she wants to let it go and forget about it. She is asking me to trust her and forget what happened. According to her,people are jealous and want to ruin her life. She claimed that security guard never liked her too.

I am at cross roads,I would like to forget this incident for my my wife’s sake. But at the back of my mind,I keep wondering if my wife is saying the truth? I think the bigger challenge is ,I am scared of what I might find if I go and confront them,what if they indeed confirm that my wife was actually sleeping with her former boss? What would I do then? Would I be able to handle this? What do you advice,do I find out the truth or just let it be for everybody’s peace of mind?

From Anonymous,


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Sir,

    I have to tell you that this is such a complicated story. I would rather you let it go.

    The reason I ask you to let it go is cause,if you dig deep,you might find more hurt.

    The situation is embarrassing. You just need to caution your wife to be very careful in future. Let her know you have your doubts but for the sake of peace,you would let it go.

    Let God give you peace.

  2. Honestly if you are sure you want to forgive your wife and move on just do so. further inquiries into this matter might reveal things you dont want to know about.


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