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My Wife Is No Longer Interested In Intimacy: I Knew This Would Happen

Hello Livelystones,

My wife and I have been friends since University days. We lost touch after service year. But fate brought us together three years later. She was not married,I was not. We became romantically linked.

I discovered when I was a teenager that I had a small organ. I became worried and used all kinds of remedy but nothing worked. It affected my self esteem for a long time. It made me stay away from ladies. People thought it was because I was a born again christian but I was just too ashamed.

During my service year though,I lost my virginity to a lady in my place of assignment. The lady did not mind that I was small. She was just into me. But  broke up with her when I found out that she sleeps with pretty much anything and anyone.

When my wife and I reconnected,I wanted to tell her about my organ but I felt if she loved me enough,she would not mind. At least,I could still perform. She was actually shocked when we got married when she saw my size. I explained to her that it didn’t mean anything but she felt betrayed.

Every time,I try my best to satisfy her by ensuring we try several different s*x styles,just so that she does not feel disadvantaged. By God’s grace,we have 2 children. I thought everything is ok until my wife started going to this new saloon in our area. Most ladies went there cos it was fanciful and all that.

I noticed my wife would go there and spend the entire day there. Thereafter,she began to come home with different products saying a woman she met in the saloon was selling the product for small p*nis. I warned her that she should leave all those products as they don’t work but she wont listen.

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Now,my wife is giving me attitude after six years of marriage. That I am selfish and I do not want to get a solution to my problem. I ignore her but she seems not to care. Now,I am beginning to suspect that she may be seeing someone else or is planning to if she has not started. Its been like three months and we have had not had s*x.

She no longer cares. When I touch her,she pushes me away. And even insults me. I am a 35 old man. I have suffered alot as a young man. I feared this would happen to me but I was also hoping the woman I married would be understanding but I guess I was wrong.

I am no longer happy in my marriage. I cannot talk to anyone about our problem because I am ashamed of my situation.Maybe I should just let her go and start life afresh?Please advice me.


Roy (Not real name)



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Roy,

    I think the major problem here is communication. You should have communicated with yoru wife before marriage. That way,she could have had the opportunity to either walk away or make a choice to stay despite your situation.

    As it is now,you cannot blame her totally. Yes,she should overlook your flaws and stick with you as marriage is for better or worse but only communication can help you here.

    Talk to her. Listen to her. Know her frustrations. Agree to her suggestions. Let her know you are willing to put your ego behind and try and get some help for her sake. If it doesn’t work,at least she knows you made the efforts.

    Do not dismiss her feelings or begin to suspect her. Just keep talking to her and pray with her every time. Let God lead you both…

    There may be new options that you are not aware of…be open minded…make sure you do this for love and let her know your insecurities,so that she can help you manage them.

    Also,let her be mindful of where she gets her information from. All facts must be checked. And be ware of vices,those who may want to take advantage of the situation. BE VERY PRAYERFUL.

    Be the best man you can be…that is all you can…and commit all to God.

    You will figure this out and all will be well.

  2. Hello Mister,

    First of, it’s not all about size. In fact, as far as you are not medically impotent (and you are not, cause you have two children from natural sex already), satisfying a woman sexually is less about the size of the penis. It’s more of the intimate bond between you both (which is largely built up off the bed-zone). Even coming to the bed-zone, satisfying her has more to do with a rich foreplay and touches to her most sensitive parts than mere penetration/thrusting of the penis.

    In your particular case, the matter is aggravated because of your individual beliefs and this has seemingly crushed both of your psychology when it comes to sex. You believe _na by size_, she also believes _na by size_, so from the very first day you already psychologically believed you could not satisfy her (this is evident in the fact that you were seeking _solution_ even before marriage) and she also believed same.

    Suggested way forward:
    ✅ seek godly counsel from mature relationship and sex therapists;
    ✅ explore the solution she brought home (by explore, I mean read about the product and seek medical info as to the safety, potency and side-effect of same);
    This will help her see that you are making efforts as well; and if the products are not medically safe, tell her and show her the facts so that she does not think that you are just pushing away the responsibility… though, she needs to beware the lady at the salon- the lady appears to be helping but your wife neither knows her real intention nor her true personality, your wife has got to be careful;
    ✅ try as much as possible to bond with her (this may be difficult considering the current situation but she is your wife of 6 years you said, you must have discerned her and known some things she really likes which will be an access point to her emotions- do those things and win her back);
    ✅ when next you have the opportunity of having sex with her (& subsequently too), engage in a good amount of foreplay, there are ways of making your woman reach orgasm even without vaginal penetration;
    ✅ pray, brother, pray. I do not know your spiritual standing but God is the sure source of solutions to all issues (including this); turn to Him.

    I await your testimony.


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