Sunday, May 31, 2020
Home Advice My Wife Is A Selfish Woman: I Cannot Stand Her Anymore!

My Wife Is A Selfish Woman: I Cannot Stand Her Anymore!

Dear ma,

I need your advice. My wife is a selfish woman and its making me have regrets over marrying her. Every time she hides money away from me. Yes,she earns more than me. When we were dating,she always feel free with me knowing about her finances etc.

There was even a time I was holding her ATM card and she made me feel that she was an open book. However,all that changed when we got married. She began to hide details of her financials.

Thank God,I have my own money. I am into business but as an entrepreneur, things can get a little tough so I rely on her to handle some key bills cos she earns very well on her job. The only problem is that,when I ask her for money to assist me on a personal project,she will say she does not have the money.

But I will see her buying expensive jewelries and unnecessary stuff. I get annoyed at her selfishness but I maintain my cool. Its her money,let her do what she likes. What is now making me see her as a dangerously selfish woman is this:

My car is giving me serious problems. You know how difficult it is to move around Lagos without a car. Especially as I am managing my own business so I need to be mobile. I have spent so much money fixing the car yet it keeps breaking down.

The reality is that the car is old and needs to be replaced but I cannot afford a car on my own. I asked my wife to support me with N2M to get a new car and she refused. She actually suggested I get a loan from the bank.

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As a business man,getting a loan from the bank to buy a car is not the best option because of interest rates that will affect my cash flow seriously. I begged and begged her. She swore that she did not have money.

Only for her to tell me that she wants to do tummy tuck surgery!…First of all, I am not complaining about how she looks after 3 children. But she is so obsessed about her looks. So she has money to do surgery to fix her body. The surgery will cost her almost N1.9M.

I told her she does not need the surgery. She said its her body and her money. Now,I feel resentment towards her. I cannot help it. How can a woman I love and she claims to love me not want to support my business by helping me buy a car that I will use? Instead,she wants to do plastic surgery…

Tell me,if this is not selfishness,I don’t know what to do. I have told her that if she does the surgery,then I will leave the marriage for her. Since looking good is more important to her than my happiness in business. Its ok.

Sometimes,I feel she is even cheating with this her great obsession with her looks or even maybe her friends are influencing her. Must she look like all these Instagram girls? I find this disturbing….

Please advise her and advise me. I am greatly disappointed.


From T. K




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello T.K,

    How are you doing?….Finance is a major contender in successful marriages. I think you should have discussed this in great lengths before you got married.

    As it is,it appears that what you see as important,your wife may not see it as such. I cannot say she is selfish because you mentioned that she helps with the bills in the house.

    So what could be her reasons for acting this way?…could it be that she does not trust you with finances? Have you been prudent with spending? Do you always demand from her and not pay back if you promised to?

    There could be a lot of reasons for her actions. Please sit her down and have an intimate conversation with her. Try to find out the real reason for her actions.

    Also,try and make her understand your vision anytime you need her financial support . Let her see how it will be of benefit to the family with her support.

    Another question is: how do you make your demands….could it be that you maybe trying to demand forcefully and that makes her feel reluctant?

    Do you also give to her? The assumption that she alone should give you because she earns more is wrong. Make financial investments on her as well. That will make her see that you value her and she will not hesitate to support your on vision.

    As for her doing a surgery,well if she can afford it…you should support her. Saying that her looks is more important than your business is an unfair statement. Her total well being is key to the success of your marriage,so if she feels she needs the surgery for the total well being,please support her and encourage her.

    Do not be bitter with her.Ask God to prosper you. Keep being nice to her. Do not see her actions as selfish. If you do,it will continue to create problems for both of you.

    Keep talking to her lovingly. Communicate your vision to her. Support hers as well.

    Do not allow negative thoughts rule you.

    When she sees how noble and kind you are to her,her attitude will change.

    God bless you.


  3. Hi Sir,

    Well done on your Business and all the effort you are making.

    Thinking with a woman’s hat on, ladies like to be pampered and don’t mind their husbands prospering so they can have more time around the house and kids, this does not mean that they would not work, pursue a career or contribute a quota, but their role is supportive. If she started off allowing you hold her cards and contributing so much to the overall finances, it is because when a woman loves, she loves with all her heart.

    Perhaps her trust was broken, she’s expecting by now you should have picked up more, she feels unappreciated, she feels she is being taken for granted, she feels you are not trying hard enough or she does not want you to relax on her finances and wants to take the back seat and allow the discomfort birth something new.

    She has made some effort too – number of kids you mentioned… so you see she has other responsibilities outside work e.g. pregnancy, house chores, cooking even if she has a helper around the house. Its ok for her to treat herself to a tummy tuck if she can afford it.

    Again, well done on your effort so far, be extremely nice to her and appreciate her and look for ways to increase your earnings.
    If she feels your overwhelming love, she could help if she can with the car but You are the man ideally breadwinner , try to take your eyes and expectation off her money , although you are both one in everything. Put pressure on yourself. Discuss with her how she thinks you can do better. Take off bitterness, resentment or unforgiveness as it will block your blessings.

    ‘ But if anyone does not provide for HIS own family, and especially for HIS own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever’ I Tim 5:8

    May God prosper you more and more and bring healing to your marriage, Amen.


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