My Wife Damaged Us When She Compromised Herself To Help Me

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Good evening ma,

Please post this story for me. My friend came to me for advice,he wants to end his marriage of 11 years. He came to me seeking my opinion whether to go ahead and dissolve his marriage. He is very hurt. I do not know what to say to him. That is why I brought this to lively stones.

My friend got involved in some shady deals about five years ago. He trusted the wrong people and ended up going to prison for four years.  When he went to prison,his wife was devastated. They did not have much support as they had spent most of their money on the lawsuit. The wife even lost her job . She had to go into petty trading to survive when her husband was incarcerated.

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During the time the husband was in jail,the prison life was very tough for him. He was getting into trouble in jail with the system. One time,he was beaten so much that he fell sick. The prison warden also would not allow the wife see her husband.They did not have a lawyer anymore. Generally things were very bad for the man.

The prison wardens started to take advantage of the situation. The wife was told that if she wanted to see her husband,she would have to make them ”happy”. By that,she would have to do s*xual favors for them. And she was warned not tell anyone or her husband would be killed in jail. Out of fear,she complied.

My friend’s wife was allowed to see the husband as long as she kept the wardens happy. Somehow,rumors started to fly and got to her husband that his wife was cheating on him. He confronted her but she denied it. This woman went through a lot just so she can keep this man safe in jail.

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Four years later,my friend was released. He was happy to be home and his wife too was very happy. They started to try to build their lives back. But in an act of wickedness,the wardens sent pictures and videos of my friend’s wife when she was servicing them to him. My friend was devastated. He wanted to kill his wife. But she began to explain and cry,telling him he did it for him.

It took alot of begging from so many people,family for him not to kill her. But their marriage has never been the same. They have been having difficulty over the last one year. He wants to divorce her but he also feels responsible for their problems. He blames himself for the things the wife did. But he could not love her like normal.

Last week,he came to me to say,he has been seeing a lady for a month. He is not happy in his marriage. He wants to start afresh. But he feels very bad that he may seen be as abandoning his wife after all she went through for him. But he says,anytime he looks at the wife,all he sees are the filthy prison officers ravaging her body.

My friend needs help. His marriage has two children. He wants to build his family but he cannot move past what happened with his wife. Now,he seems to be in love with someone else. He wants advice on what to do. Should he move on and continue to wait to see if his marriage will ever be restored or is it over?

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Please advice my friend as I really do not know what to tell him. He and his family have suffered so much..

Thank you.

Jackson,

Kenya

Photo Credit:Financial Times

 

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Wow!

    This is pathetic. The wife went over and above to support the husband. I mean,that is way too much.

    I wish he never found out…they could have been able to start their lives all over again.

    I think and advise your friend to put himself in his wife’s shoes. If he was the one,wouldn’t he do something like that for her. For a spouse to be locked up is one thing…not being able to see them could be very hard.

    I think he should forgive his wife. She did what she thought was best for them. He was not there for her…she must have felt helpless.

    He should not divorce her. Have they tried counselling? They should remember their love before he went to prison and hang on to those good times. He probably would not have made it out of prison if not for the wife.

    This is sad but they need prayers and counselling. They can an should fight for their marriage. It will take some time but his wife is his soul mate,she loved him so much she had to sell her body…I mean,he even owes her…he should do whatever it takes to fall back in love with her.

    Its for better and worse…she stayed with him at his worse…isn’t it time for him to do the same for her?

    Tell your friend to see a therapist now….ask him to be patient….this too shall pass.

    God bless.

  2. If your friend cannot forgive his wife and move past her mistake, then he should divorce her and let her go. That woman has suffered enough. She doesn’t deserve to go through another suffering of being rejected by her husband, the man she sacrificed so much for. The torment she will go through and the pain she will have for being rejected by her husband will be worse than the pain she will go through if he divorces her. So let him free her and spare her that pain and torment by divorcing her, so that she can find healing and move on with her life.
    I hope your friend will be able to live with himself after divorcing her, knowing she had the option of abandoning, but she didn’t.

  3. Thanks for sharing this. My candid advise is as follows 1) it is rather unfortunate that the wife bent backwards in a bid to save the life of the husband based on what you told us. Considering the way the prison system works, what you narrated could be very true,depending on other socioeconomic factors. 2) though not commendable that she went to extent, considering the peculiarity of the preexisting situations she could and should be given a great level of appreciation and forgiveness, particularly from the man in question who is the ultimate benefactor of her sacrifice. She literally gave all that she had, her honour as a woman to save him from death in prison. She should not be tormented in any form,for indeed she is a heroine of love. 3) Why did somebody forward the pictures to the man after his release from prison? The answer is simply to deny him further the joy of a settled home, To look for an opportunity to continue to separate from the wife and continue his imprisonment psychologically and externally. The person or people that sent the pictures wants to take back the wife from him. Though he is no longer physically in prison, they want to rupture and deny him the full joy of his freedom. 4) He has not complained of any misdeed from the wife,except the issue of sleeping with the prison wardens in a bid to save him. He should not give in to the plans of who ever sent those pictures to him. He should mentally and internally forgive his wife and go out of his way to appreciate her. He should know the value of what he has. The wife stood by him. Do you understand the stigma that is associated with the prison institution? 5) Pl inform your friend that there are spiritual laws guiding this world,irrespective of what you think or do. If he abandons his wife for another woman ,the sacrifice that the wife made for his life and safety will speak against him. The new union he is fantasizing of will eventually crumble after a time. He had already started going out with another woman and probably sleeping with the new woman, the same thing he is condemning the wife for? Let him retrace his steps,love his wife fully ,build a new future and the mental pictures of his wife sleeping with wardens will eventually fade away. 6) He should not declare himself a failure to the pleasure of his enemies. Both of them should build a new life centered on Godliness and prayers. They should jointly seek God in repentance and allow the grace of God to give them a new lease of life. The future is indeed bright for him and his family. Thanks

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