My Wife Accuse Me Of Being Selfish But She Is The Mother Of Selfishness

2

Hello ma’am,

Please I need your advice. I am newly married. Well,not so newly. My marriage is 9 months plus. I love my wife and I know she loves me but we have an issue and I feel like we need to talk to someone about it but she does not believe in bringing third party into our marital issues. In fact we agreed before we got married that we will never allow another person get involved when we have issues.

We have an issue and we do not seem to be able to resolve it by ourselves. I don’t even want her to know I am writing to you so please hide my identity. Since we got married,my wife and I have been quarreling about sx. The problem is,I think she is selfish when it comes to sx. Anytime I want to have s*x with her,she will always complain that she is tired.

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Fine,she works and so do I. She works in Ikoyi,I work in Lekki. So most times we both are tired after traffic at the end of the day. I am a very considerate man. I do not force her when she says she is tired. But after resting,like say early in the morning,if I make advances,she will still say she is tired. And this really frustrates me.

The only time she is not tired and wants sx is when she is on her ovulation period. Ah,when she is on,she cannot wait for me to get home. Even if I am tired,I must oblige her. I feel she is selfish. She just wants a baby. Not me. What about me? Why does she not care about my sxual needs?

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I know we have been trying for a baby but even me,I am not excited cos even now that the baby is not yet here,my wife does not have time for me,imagine when the baby now comes. So am I only good enough for baby making? I want to make love to my wife. I want to have fun and exciting s*x but once she sees that I am in the mood,she starts telling me of how stressful her day,of course,sending me signals that she is not in the mood.

My wife does not seem to appreciate that I have needs so I have decided to ‘lock up’. Anytime she is ready,me too,I will be ‘tired’. Now,she feels how I feel. Instead of her to learn and adjust,she will start crying when I reject her advances. Last night,she cried and said I do not care that she is not pregnant yet. That I want my family to come and trouble her for not getting pregnant,nine months after wedding.

This woman eh. I seriously do not understand her. Why has everything got to be her way? And if its not her way,I am the bad guy? I need advice o. Someone has to talk sense into her. Marriage is not all about sx I know but I know that sx is an important aspect of marriage. Until my wife decides to consider my needs,I pretty much will continue to lock up. If she likes,let her cry a river.

Abi what I am doing is that bad? I am only trying to get her attention. She should stop the emotional blackmail. Its 50/50 or 100/100….I cannot do a one sided thing. Please advice me if you think I am handing this the wrong way. If so,what else should I do?

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From Anonymous LS Telegram Fan

Photo Credit:Redbook

 

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Sir,

    Thank you for your email. I think your problem is what some newly married couples who do not go through pre-marital counselling face.At counselling,both of you should have discussed s*x,your s*xual preferences,etc.

    In any case,you both need to talk to someone. I highly recommend it. Its not one of those situations that you can continue to deal with by yourselves. I say this because I have counselled quite a few couples about this. They never are able to fully resolve this by themselves.

    Your wife needs to understand you…she needs to hear your needs…she cannot do so with your current communication style…you need to change your communication style to her on this matter.

    Maybe you need to speak softer or be more romantic and she needs to be more nurturing and desirous of you…

    Some people,until they go to counselling,they do not realize this is a real problem. It could put a lot of strain on your marriage. And if your marriage foundation is not strong enough,it could be the cause of the collapse of your marriage after a number of years.

    I advise you to change your communication style to your wife. I think you need to seduce her. Get her romantic gifts,send love notes. Create an environment where she can relax and make love to you.Help her with domestic chores. Cook for her once in a while. Bathe her. Touch her…be present…be caring and kind to her

    And I highly recommend that you see a professional counselor as well. It will be of great help. You will both receive professional help to help you both re-connect with your emotional needs. You will be made to participate in exercises that will help build your s*xual attraction towards each other.

    You just need to be patient and willing to learn. You will both be fine eventually.

    God bless you.

  2. You have talked so much about having your needs met which is sex. Have you thought about having her own needs met, do you even know what her needs are?

    From my little experience, when a woman starts denying her husband sex, it may be because he isn’t meeting her needs. She tells you she is tired after you both get back from work, have you tried finding out what makes her tired?

    Do you help her with the house chores at home or you just leave everything for her to do?

    From what you wrote, the issue goes beyond sex. It is either she is not the type that likes sex, or she may not be enjoying sex with you.

    When you guys are having sex, do you consider her sexual needs as well and try fulfilling them or you are just interested in satisfying yourself like most men do?

    Did you people discuss about sex before you people got married?

    You need to talk to your wife. Talk to her in a loving and calm way, try to get her to tell you what the problem is, why she does not like having sex with you.
    I believe if you go sincerely, she will open up. And when she opens up, don’t blame her, judge her or condemn her for feeling or acting the way she did. Just focus on fixing the problem so you can have a healthy sex life.

    Know that in every relationship or marriage, there is always one party holding that marriage or relationship. So you can decide to be the one to hold your marriage and make it work.

    Denying her sex or paying her back will not help the situation or solve the problem.
    Find out what the problem is and fix it.

    Both of you may have to see a counselor.

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