Sunday, August 2, 2020
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My Sister Is Destroying Her Marriage : What Else Can I Do?

Hello ma,

Please post this. I need help with my younger sister. She is the last born of our family and my parents,especially my mother spoiled her rotten. I don’t know why she was treated differently from us. Maybe because she was so cute as a baby. She was not given the same type of discipline that the rest of us her siblings have.

At age 29,she already gotten married twice and had a son and is divorced twice. She was a very wild girl growing up. No one could speak to her. She loved to attend wild parties…date older men,younger men and sleep around. Everyone talked and talked but it was too late,she only got worse.

She was sent to University but she dropped out and started dating an older man with 2 wives. She married him at age 19. Had a son for him but the marriage was terrible. She kept sleeping with men her age ..until the man caught her and divorced her at age 23.

My sister got married at 25 to a Lebanese man who used her as a sex slave. That marriage lasted only one year. She lacks discipline. She does not have control over her lust and greed.Any man who looks like a rich man,she follows.

My parents have given up.My siblings too. Only me have been trying to help her live a changed life. I talk  to her all the time. I pray for her. Sometimes,I feel she is possessed. Sometimes, I have hope that she will change cos when I talk to her,she becomes sober. She tries to stay put.

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She tried to stay on track for the last four years. She met a nice guy two years ago. They dated and got married. I prayed and fasted. My sister assured me that she was ready to settle down and stop messing her life up. They have been married for for almost a year now.

Finally she took in. Everything seemed like normal. Until last month, one of my employees (I manage a chain of hotels) came to me crying. She has a boyfriend who also works with us. She said she and the guy have been having issues cos she suspected he was cheating with her. She finally confirmed it and found out he was sleeping with my sister.

I was dumb founded. I calmed her down,called the guy and warned him to stay away from my sister or loose his job. From what I found out,they have been sleeping together for almost 2 months. And my stupid sister is 4 months pregnant. I am so scared and confused.

Of course,I summoned my sister. I asked her why. She started crying. She always cries when she is caught. That she does not know what came over her. My greatest worry now is:how sure is she that her pregnancy is for her husband? She looked at me like a dumb girl that she is.

My husband and I are really devastated. I do not want to tell my siblings cos they have washed their hands off her. But I am so conflicted with this.My husband says she has to tell her husband the truth but that might mean,the marriage might be over. This man my sister is married to,is such a good man…he does not deserve her.

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Do I tell him or keep quiet to save my sister’s marriage?  My husband says my sister should be the one to tell him by herself….I know she will never do that…but if she continues like this…she will be divorced for the 3rd time very soon.

I have contemplated telling the husband myself and begging him to give her another chance…maybe he will see how sick and damaged my sister is…cos the truth is…she is sick and damaged…I do not know how else to explain why someone will keep destroying everything and everyone that tries to make her happy.

Please everyone…help me pray and advise cos I am confused and tired…I do not know what else to do…

 

Anonymous LS Facebook Member

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Madam,

    This situation is a dicey one. Your sister needs professional and spiritual intervention.

    I would suggest a professional psycho-therapeutic intervention. There may be an underlining mental problem

    Some of the possible problems she has could be: self esteem problems? Abandonment issues? Is she Bi-bolar? Is she needy?…etc. If there is an underlying mental issue…only prayers and theraphy can help her.

    Was she molested or abused as a young girl? The need to have wild s*xual relations could be to hide a gap or darkness in her. There is definitely a void she is trying to fill.

    She needs her support system to be able to defeat this. She needs firm and loving people around her.

    Her husband needs to know that she has a problem. And if he loves her,he will be part of her support system to help her get help. If not,then that marriage is over.But he needs to know.

    Who the father of the child is,its most likely for her husband if she is 4 months pregnant and she has been sleeping with your worker for only 2 months.

    In any case, your sister need immediate intervention: prayers and psychotherapy asap. Theraphy will help identify the issues so that it can be addressed one by one.

    This is like an addiction. She may even be a s*x addict. She needs help to beat this.

    Its going to be a tough one. Please do not give up on her. If she makes it,she will be eternally grateful to you.

    May God give you all the courage and tenacity that you need to fight this.

    God bless.

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