Wednesday, February 19, 2020
Home Advice My Parents' Happiness Or My Happiness:What Should I Choose?

My Parents’ Happiness Or My Happiness:What Should I Choose?

Hello ma,

Please advise is needed. I am in my 300 level studying pharmacy in Uniabuja.(Not Real school name). I am someone who has always had a mind of her own. My parents know me for that. My course of study is 5 years. By then, I will be 25 years old. I am just 23 years now.

The thing is,my parents are pastors. They raised me to be very pure and holy. I want to honor them by keeping myself as a virgin too. The only problem is that many people have been coming for my hand in marriage.

My friends,some of them are married,some even younger than me. Yet,my parents insist that I cannot get married until I finish school. We have been on this matter for over a year now. I want to get married,I am not too young..age is just a number…I feel I am ready and matured enough to be married.

There is this man,a Doctor coming for me. I love him and I really don’t want to have s*x with him cos of my promise. I want to remain a virgin. But being in love with someone,you cannot marry cos of your parents is very hard.

Now,I am beginning to think my parents are selfish. My mother married at 28,I don’t have to be that age now. My elder sister are over 30 and no man is coming for them. I think that is why they are discouraging me from getting married,so that my sisters can marry before me.

Well,I don’t believe life is turn by turn. I believe if you see opportunity,go for it. So,I love my boyfriend very much. I want to get married this December or new year before march. Whether my parents agree or not. I do not want to have s*x outside marriage so why can’t I marry so I will not fall into temptation?

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I need your advise. I am not the first 23 year old to marry. Besides,I am marrying a doctor. What if he cannot wait for me to graduate before marriage? You know how girls are,seeing a bachelor,with a girlfriend that wont have s*x with him,they will be tempting him.

I can still marry,have s*x and finish school all at once. Why cant my parents see reason with me? They are too old school.gone are the days of waiting for your older ones to marry first. Please I want my happiness. I know if I go against them,they will never be happy with me but what should I choose:my happiness or their own happiness.

Please post for me,I will be reading the comments. Thank you.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello dear,

    You are right,age is just a number but maturity is very key. I think your parents may be right. The fact that you sound so desperate should give them cause for worry.

    You may think you are mature by 23…but you will not have to try so hard to prove that you are mature if you truly will be easy to see and then your parents will be ok with that.

    If the Doctor sees you as valuable…he will not chase other girls….he will wait for you for the next 2 years.

    Your being a virgin should be a personal choice to honor God and your body…it should never be about your parents…that is why you do not see the value…because you think you are keeping yourself for your parents.

    Calm down my dear. Life is not about the first to do anything…discipline yourself and focus on your education. Marriage is good….if you are mature emotionally and spiritually.

    If you get married today,you might start having babies,are you ready for that kind of commitment and sacrifice…it might affect your schooling… will affect you financially…..are you financially independent?

    Is sex and marriage the ultimate for you?…How about adding value to yourself….do things at the right time.

    Note: if you truly feel you are ready for marriage…no one can stop you but you have to be ready for the life of a married woman…its a totally different ball game…have you thought about that?

    You have been patient so far…2 more years will not make a difference…if the Doc cant wait…dont worry…someone else will.

    If the Doc cant wait,it shows he too is probably not matured…be careful…do not rush into marriage…

    How long have you even known this guy?….

    Not to scare you but I think you need to set your priorities right…what is more important to you: your education or marriage?

    The good news is: you can have both….only at the right time.

    God bless.


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