My Mother & My Husband Refuse To Get Along On Anything

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My mother and I have been very close right from time. Maybe because she has me at an older age. She had had my brothers and apparently stopped giving birth but I showed up in her forties. And being a girl.she was over joyed. She spoilt me silly. My brothers loved me too. Our father past on when I was 7,so I do not really remember much of him. I knew I was close to him too.

My brothers schooled abroad but my mother wanted me close. I went to Unilag and my mom knew any boy who tried to date me. I was her precious little girl. We were buddies actually,I was her jist mate,her prayer partner,her stylist,everything. When I met my husband three years ago,my mom thought it was just another relationship.

However,when it became clear that Tade was serious about me,my mom didn’t like it. Tade too was taken aback by my mother’s possessive nature but I thought that would change when my mom saw that we were going to get married. I was wrong. My mom began to act funny and weird. She became mean to Tade and started saying he was not good enough for me.

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I insisted that Tade was good enough for me and my mom had no choice but to support my decision. She loved me too much to want to stand in the way of my happiness. But what did not change was the fact that my mom and Tade never seemed to see eye to eye. Tade too became strange. He knew I was close to my mom and he did everything possible to ensure my mom knew she was now second place in my life.

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My mother is not backing down either. She uses any opportunity to let Tade know that she raised me single handedly and she deserves respect and to be in our lives. When the argument gets heated,my mother starts crying and starts to say things like: I wish your father was alive…this really gets me…what am I missing here…was I wrong to insist on marrying the guy she does not like?

Tade would freak out if he saw me talking to my mom longer than 10 mins. He would go like: cant you understand that you are now a married woman? Why do you have to spend all the time gossiping with your mom on the phone? His words hurt. I found myself struggling to be fair to my husband and my mom.

My mom accused my husband of trying to build a rift between me and her. When I had my first child,my husband refused for my mom to come and stay with us to help out. He insisted we hire a nanny,no parents were allowed to stay with us more than one week.

I have been married for three years now. I am pregnant with my second child. I am experiencing a difficult pregnancy so I insisted that my mom come around cos I need all the help I can get. My husband did not like the idea but he did not have a choice as I was desperate. What I have noticed now is that since my mom moved in,my husband has been spending so much time away from home.

He says he is trying to stay away from my mom. I find that disturbing. I do not know why my mom and Tade cannot just be civil for my sake. Tade thinks my mom is possessive. My mo thinks Tade is controlling. Yes,their personalities and egos have refused to compromise. They both love me but they cant stand each other.

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I do not want my husband to continue staying out late. I am pregnant,my emotions are running wild,making me suspicious that Tade will soon start using this excuse to start cheating on me. He hardly eats at home too cos I am too weak to cook and he will not eat my mother’s food. Two days ago,he did not even come home until 2am. I cried and cried.

Anything my mom does in the house,Tade complains. He tells her straight to her face that she cannot spank or correct our son. Mother will not have it. She tells him,you cannot dictate to me about how I discipline my grand child. I cannot wait to have this baby so that peace can come back to my home,when mom leaves but I cannot tell you how much this situation is troubling me.

I know my mother is a little extra. But its hard to change a grown woman. Your own mother for that matter. I dont know what else to do. I want the two most important people in my life to get along….what am I going to do?

 

From Eunice,

Apapa

Photo Credit:BFI

 

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1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Eunice,

    What I am going to say might surprise you. I think you should ignore your mother and husband. They are two grown adults who should know better. If they cannot stop hating each other,ignore them and concentrate on having a safe delivery.

    Talk to your mom. You maybe close but she needs to help you build your own home. You and your husband needs space but do it respectfully. Recall that you are her baby,she needs to learn to let go..yes,she will be in your life buts not as much as is detriment to your marriage.

    The ice breaker on this might just be your mom.Let her break the ice….she should reach out to your husband and try to be understanding…I know its hard cos she might think you and your husband are children and should reach out to her not the other way round…but sometimes,its wisdom that wins…

    let her make him understand why you are close to her…let him see that perhaps its because your dad was not around…also,your husband needs to show empathy..he needs to understand and accommodate some of your mom’s excesses…thats what families do.

    Pray for guidance…pray for help and strength…let God guide you.

    For now,don’t get worked up…breathe,,,relax…all will be well….

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