Please advise me. I am totally confused,and I dont know what to do.
I have been married for almost four years now. We have been trying to conceive since we got married but it is yet to happen.
Last Year,after plenty arguments,my husband and I started fertility treatments. During the process,one if the tests showed that my husband has zero sperm count. That means,he does not produce sperm,that means he cannot father a child.
We were both heart broken and we started looking at other options we could acquire to help us have children. We were looking to adopt and we had started looking into the possibility when my mother in law invited me to see her in Owerri.
I went to see her and she told me not to adopt another man’s child when I can still have my own. She said that there is nothing like having your own child. That the adopted child will never feel like your own especially when they grow up and begin to ask questions
I was wondering how she meant we should have our own child when it was clear that my husband,her son is impotent.
It was at that point that my dear mother in-law told me that she has a plan for me to have our own child if I sleep with a man that she would arrange.
I was shocked to my spine. I told her that her son would never agree to it but she said he doesnt need to find out. But my husband knows that he has zero sperm count…she said we would make it seem like a miracle. That I would start going for prayers and deliverance in a prophet’s church in our side ,then a few months later,I will get pregnant by the man she will arrange for me. That way it would look like a miracle and my husband would not feel bad.
Ma,I know my mother in law is coming from a good place but this her plan is making me uncomfortable. I have so many questions:
- What if someone finds out one day what truly happened? What if my own husband finds out?
- What if someone starts to blackmail me for this?
- Is this not lying and calling God a liar by faking a miracle?
- What if the child grows up and finds out?
- what if one day the child is sick and needs blood transfusion and the father find out through that?
My mother in law has said,I should leave all the questions to her ,that she will handle everything when the time comes.
So now,I need advice people,should I do this or not? After all,this seems like a type of African surrogacy or even getting sperm or egg donor which is done very well in the western worlds.
I know that being a parent is when you raise a child irrespective of the fact that you may not be the biological parent. Not to talk less of this case,the child would be from my womb,my blood…just not my husband’s.
Please,please,what do you advice. I want to find peace in the decision that I eventually make.