Sunday, May 31, 2020
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My Marriage Situation Is Getting Worse & Affecting My Son

Good evening ma,

I am sorry to bother you so late but I need your advice as I cannot sleep. As you know,my husband and I have not been in a good place for some time now. I thank you for all the words of encouragement that you have been giving me since all this time. But it appears that things are not getting better.

Maybe its because my husband is not as educated because nothing I say or try to do seems to please him. We quarrel and fight all the time and now my biggest worry now is that,it is beginning to affect my son. For the past one year,I see that my son has changed and he has become a bully in school.

Maybe because he has seen his father and I fight so much. The other day he beat his sister. I was so angry that I beat him and inflicted some injuries on him. Of course,that annoyed my husband and he reported me to everyone who cared to listen that I am a bad mother.

Now,my son has been punished in school severally for his behavior. He fights in school. He does not listen to me when I try to correct him. He knows his father will not take any action against him and so he keeps pushing my buttons. I know that its the situation with my husband that has caused my son to change but I cannot help it.

His sister,is not like that,I see that his sister looks up to me like role model. I hope I can live up to the expectation. I have done everything humanly possible to make peace with my husband,just for peace to reign.

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Every day,my marriage is like its one issue or the other. Now,for the sake of my child,I am thinking of leaving this marriage as I do not want my children to grow up in this hostile environment. My issue now is that,I do not have any job or money to be on my own. But to keep living with this man is terrible.

Secondly,I am thinking of sending the boy to school in the boarding school. Next term,he will be going to secondary school. Do you think that could help him be a better boy? I am just at loss for what to do. His father does not want peace,he does not care what he is doing to me or our children.

I need help..I am loosing it….


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello dear,

    Recall my initial conversations with you with regards to your marriage issues? One of the major cause of your constant disagreements with your husband is communication. His level of communication and yours do not match.

    You know and understand that because of his level of education and exposure,he tends to misunderstand you and he does not want to feel like you are disrespecting him as the man of the house when you try to talk back at him.

    Its time you realize that you need to take a drastic step to change your communication style and begin to learn how to comunicate in a way that your husband can appreciate. He may be a traditional man,one who believes women should be seen and not heard. That does not mean that you are disadvantaged,that simply means,you learn to communicate with him better by being quiet when there is an argument. What you do,is keep quiet and find times when he is in a better mood to lovingly and politely communicate your points.

    If you do not change,things will not get better. He is a grown man and you cannot change him by challenging him ,even if you think you are not challenging him. He wants a humble wife. Be his wife,be his peace. Stop fighting him. He cannot always be wrong. Let him feel like the head of the home. Accord him his due respect. Pry for him. Fast for him. Let him see a change in you. Prophesy what you want to see in your husband. Stop trying your way to get what you want,its not working.

    And now,your actions have started affecting your children. My worry is,I hope this does not adversely affect them. For the sake of your children,please consider my advice and change now. I hope it is not too late to help your son.

    Your son needs his parents. Your children need to grow up in a loving environment. Start by calling your son and apologizing for not being there for him. Then,begin to nurture your relationship with your son. Become his friend and confidant. Let him feel free to talk to you about anything bothering him. Become his jist partner. Find out about any trouble he may be having in school. Counsel him in love. Do not be hard on him. Give him time to see you as his friend and eventually his mother who loves him.

    Same thing for your daughter. Its time to be there for them. They need you.

    Sending your boy to boarding school may not be the solution too. If the root cause of his troubles are not addressed,he will only get worse when he gets into boarding school. Sending your child to boarding school is throwing your responsibilities to another person to raise your child for you. I have nothing against the boarding system,it works for some people but personally,I think I am in a better position to raise my child with the disciplines I want him or her to imbibe. The school’s role is to support my process,I am not supposed to dump my responsibilities on them.

    As for leaving your marriage,if you do what I asked you to do,with the help of God,there is no need to leave your marriage. Leaving is not the solution. You do not even have any means of livelihood so how do you survive if you live?

    Your best bet is to try and understand your husband and work things out with him. There cannot be two captains in a boat.

    I hope and pray for the best for you and your family.


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