Good day ma,
I need your help and advise.My husband and I are having issues. We are both Leaders in church. We are Deacons in church. We help other people,counsel them but no one is aware that our own marriage is on fire.
We have been married for 13 years with 3 children. The problem started like 3 years ago. My husband became more and more busy with his business . I started noticing he was so tired with all these responsibilities that he did not have time for me.
I started complaining that he was not giving me enough time but he did nothing to address the gap that was happening with us. I complained to our Senior pastor,who is like him. That one counseled me to be a support to him instead of complaining.
I got fed up and started to focus on myself and the children.That was how I started masturbating. Now,it has become a horrible habit that is killing us. I did not just start masturbating. Any time I made advances to my husband,he would deny me s*x and say he is tired.
I became suspicious that he is cheating with someone. I started praying to God to save our marriage. I prayed and fasted several days. He would be chatting with the so called ladies that he is counselling. I never seen his phone but his obsession with his phone and the many times he was home later made my suspicion stronger.
He also sends money to different girls. It cannot be just gifts. He is like the father christmas of our church. Anyone who needs anything goes to him. I am happy that God blessed us to be able to bless others but that money now is like a curse.
In the name of helping people who are needy,people now take advantage of my husband. Abi,he is the one taking advantage. I know he must have slept with some of these girls. Cos,there has been a few rumors here and there. And the girls around the rumors don’t even greet me in church.
Even when we managed to have s*x in like once in a month,it was like a chore. He would come in less than 10 seconds and sleep off. I got really frustrated. I read books on how to communicate better with my husband and I applied some of the things I learnt but none worked.
There was a time,I started making some health foods and drinks to try to help his quick release but my husband refused to take them. I think he just expects me to accept my fate and suffer in silence knowing that I cannot divorce him.
God knows that I am tired. I cry so many times and I wish I could even cheat sometimes but because of God,I will never cheat. The only thing I have is masturbation. I do it so much that I feel so guilty and dirty. I cannot even bring myself to tell anyone of my problem. I feel so ashamed.
And I watch porn too. God save my soul. What am I going to do? If God does not make my husband desire me anymore,how will I control my needs? Its not that I look ugly. I am not boasting but I got a great body. I eat healthy and exercise too to maintain my looks. I get alot of looks from other men when I am in the malls yet my own husband does not look at me.
I have begged him to forgive me if I wronged him in anyway. But sincerely,I cannot think of any way I have wronged him. I am emotionally tired. We have money,we have friends,children and every other thing people wish for. But our marriage is just a big mess.
Please help me….
Anonymous LS Fan