Good Evening Ma’am.
I got your contact from the group chat were you counsel people on marriage and relationship the Godly way.I currently live in Ibadan (Not real location),Oyo State.
Ma, my marriage has hit the rocks as of today and I don’t know what to do. I need help.
It’s a very long and not so straight forward story and I don’t know where to start from.
I’m a 35 year old Accountant. I got married 4 years ago and yet to have children, I’ve had two pregnancy losses with my husband since we got married and we’re hoping on God to bless us this year.
The problem with my marriage is my husband.My Mum never liked him before we got married infact she called him a riff raff, someone not up to my class, she also said he doesn’t have money to take care of me and many other things like that… I was in love with him then and he was a great friend so I prayed and went against my Mum.
Fast forward to 4 years later all I feel for this Man is hatred and disgust. It wasn’t always like this.He was nice, kind and caring. He still is. He tells me everything and we gist like small children even till now but we’ve been having so many conflicts too frequently that they leave me emotionally drained.
My husband likes keeping malice and I hate it. I love communication but he’s not ready to change this bad habit of his.He used to have a vision but as it is now he seems to have lost it. He has failed in his business severally, is not accountable with money and now likes to leave the life of ‘anything goes’.
I’ve been supporting financially and even doing more than I should just to help our situation and help him stand on his feet but he seems to have lost it.We’ve made some resolutions or rather plans for the New year that will help our family to grow spiritually, emotionally, financially and otherwise but as it is now he doesn’t want us to work in agreement.
The relationship with him is tiring because I cannot stand his malice, I’ve told him that severally but he doesn’t want to stop. I see that he has become so relaxed and irresponsible since he can see me footing the bills.
I’ve tried to let his family on this and work with him but he seems not willing to and I cannot continue anymore. I’ve gone to an elder in my church this morning to tell him that I want a separation from my husband but he encouraged me to pray and not make a hasty decision in my anger.
I’m tired of praying. I want a separation. The marriage is becoming financially and emotionally draining with my husband’s behaviour. I want him to think of his life when we are separated so that he’ll decide if he still wants to remain married to me.
Also I need him to have more motivation and inspiration to actually succeed in his business.Then also, he’s an extrovert and likes hanging out in the evenings while I’m an introvert who likes stay in indoors, rest I and reviewing my day to plan a better day for the next day.
He just seems so opposite of me. How can I get him to be more serious and cut down on all these Hangouts. He suggests we go out together occasionally but I don’t see any reason gisting outside with friends after a hard day’s work.
Infact I don’t know when we are going to resolve these conflicts between us. I just feel he’s highly irresponsible and He should be more of a leader in our marriage. I keep on asking him his plans so that I can allign mine with his…..
I need to him to change.I know people say it’s impossible to change someone and yes I know that too but I need him to see that these little faults of his are big deals to me and I cannot stand them.
He too may say I have my faults because when he started flaunting our agreements I shouted on him over the phone that and me locking the door made him to start keeping malice with me yesterday but I don’t want this year to be like previous years. I want him to limit the outings and come home in time so that we can bond together and plan our future together. He says I nag. I always complain bitterly when things go wrong.
We talked about the above many times but it seems we’ve learned nothing ourselves. He’s keeping malice with me and I’ve shouted some more at him when he came back home but he didn’t respond back.
My marriage really needs help.If my husband could be a little bit responsible and communicate with me I will be happier not this current malice he’s keeping with me already.Everything coupled with the fact that he’s not doing well in business currently is making me feel I didn’t hear from God on this marriage and that my Mum was right with every negative thing she said about my husband before we got married. I just feel so hurt and emotionally drained.
Why wouldn’t he stop this malice and let’s communicate? Iron out our differences and grow from this so that we don’t keep on having these CONFLICTS? I’m tired.
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