I feel depressed, abuse emotionally and it setting into frustration.I’m so confused more than ever,I need to talk with someone.I have prayed, but I seem not to have have answers. Its really long story and I don’t know where to start it. But I will need you to understand me so will know what to say or advice.
I’m a one woman man,I had a dream as a young boy to have a loving home. To love my wife above anything in this world,even myself. But with the conditions that she submit,respect and loyal to me. So I started the journey.
I’m 43 now,still not married and even more confused than ever.It all happen 17 yrs ago. I meet a lady home I prayed and believe to be my wife and the mother of my unborn children, as I didn’t not want many kids but just two alone. Before then,I was dating matured ladies but they end up being married by another since I was not financial strong,but in my head and dream,I needed a wife to grow with and build our home.
Due to the heartbreak, my sister advised me to look for a younger lady and start my dreams.So she recommended one of our tenant daughter for me.I saw her and like her. I started developing interest for without meeting yet,and pray to God to help me out, as it was very important to me. I finally meet her and she accepted me,we started the relationship,it was fun as I felt I had achieved what I wanted.
Our both parent knew about us and accepted us too. After a year, issue set in. I’m a very active man when it come to s*x,but as in needing it too much,maybe once or twice in day.
She had yeast infection before I meet her,of which I spend money trying to treat it. I loved her and wanted the best for us. We started having issues with lovemaking as she never wanted it any longer.
To her was due to the pain,but when ever she hurts me,she will come have sx with me without considering the said pain she said was stopping her from making love with me. It became so serious that she wasn’t needing me any longer,except the days she wanted to please me. As at that time I couldn’t look at any other woman or even thinking of sx without another. She was all I could ever think and wanted.I did introduction and started planning for marriage.
I went into raping her most night as I couldn’t control myself.My most regrets. But funny enough, she never complained in the morning,she acted like nothing ever happened.That gave me cause to think about my life.I tried to talking to her but no way,as in she said nothing was wrong with her.But I keep raping her for the night I couldn’t control myself
I couldn’t no longer feel OK about it. I call on our both friends to come in and asked why.All the people I called made no sense as she told them that there was no problem.She was in her late 20’s. Eventually we got separated. I couldn’t bear to do the raping thing again. But she always wanted me back.
Before I left her,one of the last rape,she took in for me. And it was a boy. So I made up my mind I walk away,leaving the house and properties for her,paid the rent. I went to start a life afresh. Not long a lady who was married and to her the marriage was not OK from the very beginning. No she give birth and I took care of my son for a while before I left.
So I meet this new lady,we where friends. This is a new person I meet after leaving the mother of my son.So meeting this new lady was somehow how fun,as she appeared to have understood me and blended with me. As at this time,I lost my job and things became hard,but I was always sending money for my boy up kept.
A new life started for me. She appeared has an angel to me,being so nice,caring,loving and willing to do anything for me. We talked deep and I open everything to her,I believed that she was open to me too. She was financial comfortable and showed me her financial strength and asked if I be faithful to her.Taking her kids as mind and loving her unconditional, there is nothing she won’t do for me.
As this time before I meet her,I was looking for a committed relationship to start building again. So when I meet her and she said this,it was easy for me as I was not a flirt and needed a serious relationship. So went it fully,God help me. To me I felt if you show a woman love and care as it was not hard for me to do so,for that being part me,she won’t have any reason to cheat or lie to you.
So I never check or asked questions as per what,where or how she was doing what she was doing.She asked me to give her time to sort things out with the father of our kid’s, in area of marriage as there was nothing of such. To her the man never wanted her,but she forced everything.
I have come to know her,as manipulator,lair and a cheat. I started noticing this about four years ago. When ever I catch her either confessing love to another man or woman and threatened her to walk away.I ‘m aware of the men and I run into her chart with a lady,making plans to meet in hotel and make up.She will cry and called my friends begging me not to and that she won’t do it again.
So many nonsense has happened. I care a lot about her.She keep saying that she is not sure of me marrying her,so she can going ahead and do her thing. But,the reason I have not married her is because I’m afraid of making a life time mistake. I have been taking care of her and her kids. We built a house together.I have put in my life and everything in this relationship.
Now,She is saying that she is not interested in marrying again.She is now neck deep with men,but guest what!!?,most of this men are married men. I have pleaded with her but She says she is not feeling me and she can’t take in again.Personally, I felt I was giving her time to make up her mind as per being with me and stop the shameful act. I felt she needed to understand me and what I wanted from her.
Apart from the cheating, she I controlling, She want want everything to be done there she want it. She undermine my rights. There are many face to this issues.
But its this woman that I love. I am even the one raising her children when she goes about gallivanting with other married men. This lady feel I deserved her cheating on me.
The only way to get back at me for keeping her this long is to mess her self up with married men.
For the years we have spent together,bonded me more. I know with her deeds and ways,it will harmful to me if I marry her. But this understanding came after I had fallen deep into her.I will walk away in time,just need to gather the strength. I still need to feed from people like you and men of God too.
She condemns me before her lovers,telling them how she stood my me and what she has done for me and that I’m ungrateful.This has affected me in all angles,I just lost my job last week due to not being able to focus.I’m not a bad person,I had no bad or wicked intention to her or any one.All I wanted was to be happy.
My question now is:If I can’t patch things with the mother of my son,should I go back there?Would you advice me to go back to my son and his mother,as I have abandon them for this long,can it work?I need a life now.How do I coordinate?
This woman,I love her. I do not even have the strength to leave her. I am so deeply in love with her. I treat her children with more love than I treat my son. Someone said I need emotional stability. What do I do? I need help and prayers.
From Anonymous LS Fan