My Husband’s Family And Their Twisted Culture Of Adultery

12

Hello LS,

Please help me post my story. You can use any name but not my name please.

I am married to a man from Middle belt in Nigeria. We met at work,we work in the same company. Its almost three years of marriage now and I am pregnant with my second baby. My husband’s elder brother came to stay with us when he was briefly deployed to Lagos. He is in the police force,I dont want to mention his rank but he is a senior officer.

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This my husband’s brother began to display certain behavior that I am not comfortable with. He will just come inside my bedroom without knocking. He does anything he likes without asking. He said,in their culture ,that men are free to see any woman in the family as their wife. So if he chose to sleep with me,he has a right to do so. I thought he was joking but my husband confirmed it. I told him that can never happen with me. My husband said something unbelievable,that he has slept with his brother’s wife,that there is nothing to it. As long as the husband gives approval,any man in the family can sleep with any woman married into the family cos it is seen that the family paid the bride price and so,the woman came into the family and any man can sleep with her.

I couldnt believe my husband. As I was dressing up after having my bath one evening,this elder brother comes into the room and starts to try and touch me.Me,a pregnant woman!. I refused and started to fight him and I eventually ran out of the room almost naked. My husband kept telling me to relax that its not a big deal. That it is better for a man to sleep with a lady in the family when he has an urge instead of going to seek a prostitute. I am from South South and this culture is strange to me. I was not told during my courting and I will never allow it. This issue is bringing problem with me and my husband cos he says that I am disrespecting him and his elder brother for refusing to allow him sleep with me.

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I honestly dont know what to do about this. God knows that I will never agree to this barbaric culture of theirs but the kind of problem that it is causing my marriage is too much to bear. My husband has stopped eating my food. I called my husband’s sister who is friendly, to help me. She said it is their culture but most people dont practice it cos of Christianity nowadays. She said its not in her place to come into his brother marital issues that I should talk to me husband and plead with him. I have been doing that but he wont listen.

Well,I am beginning to think I would rather leave than allow any member of his family sleep with me. Do you think I am over reacting? Should I consider leaving this marriage or should I be patient,maybe they will leave me alone after sometime? This man is going to be in Lagos for as long as only God knows,how do I survive this?

Laifa,

Ikate,Lagos.

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12 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Laifa,

    This is serious. I have never heard about such a thing before.

    You need to pray about this seriously. Also seek counsel from a Lawyer,I would try and do the same and get back to you….a woman should have right over her body whether she is married or not..so forcing you to sleep with someone else is infringing on your rights…

    Please be careful and prayerful especially with your condition.

  2. Do not allow anybody aside from your husband sleep with you, even if it means a temporal separation until your husband comes to terms with it, fighting for your life or leaving Him completely if they insist.

    It is not even safe health wise.

    Please raise this with your Pastor to speak with your husband too.

  3. @ Laifa , also be at alert ( physically and spiritually) so they don’t put something in your drink, sweet talk you or use a charm on you to subdue your will.

  4. I would advice u leave that house for noe,who knows u mite be drugged if u refuse. Involve ur Pastor, put everything in prayer n also seek legal.counsel. that a very barbaric act all in d name of culture, pls don’t scrum to their demand. God will intervene

  5. Don’t succumb to thisbbabric act pls. I would rather you leave the marriage than commit such atrocity. Pls its your Christianity before any babric norm.

  6. Waaaaoooooooo! this is strange to my hearing. pls God first in all ramification. I always advocate against divorce(separation). if it warrants you divorcing him, pls, do that legally. The God Of Isaac, Abraham, and Jacob will see you through this in your favour. Amen!

  7. In addition, it is also wrong for your hubby to have slept with another woman who is not his wife. in fact, i think you are in the wrong place. it is either he repents totally from that barbaric tradition of a culture, or call it off.

  8. Hello ma,
    I don’t think u are over reacting. Though, I have heard of such custom, to me it’s barbaric. I would advice you to be patient a little while. Who knows, the man may leave you alone if you keep refusing. If not, not, you could go stay with ur family, at least till u put to bed. Maybe your husband will come to his senses if u stay away for a long time. It’s well with you.

    It’s

  9. Come to The Lord’s Chosen Church @Ijesha Lagos. God will deal with your husband for you. He will be the one begging you to your terms.
    The God of Chosen answers prayers.

  10. I have heard of this barbaric culture…my dear a temporal separation is not a bad issue idea as you prayerfully address it. May God see u through. all the best

  11. Hello dear, This is barbaric and it quite that this is still been practiced today in our country. Kindly talk to your Pastor about this as you also pray about it. If the pressure become much, i advise you move out while your pastor prevail on the matter. All the best

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