Please help me post my story. You can use any name but not my name please.
I am married to a man from Middle belt in Nigeria. We met at work,we work in the same company. Its almost three years of marriage now and I am pregnant with my second baby. My husband’s elder brother came to stay with us when he was briefly deployed to Lagos. He is in the police force,I dont want to mention his rank but he is a senior officer.
This my husband’s brother began to display certain behavior that I am not comfortable with. He will just come inside my bedroom without knocking. He does anything he likes without asking. He said,in their culture ,that men are free to see any woman in the family as their wife. So if he chose to sleep with me,he has a right to do so. I thought he was joking but my husband confirmed it. I told him that can never happen with me. My husband said something unbelievable,that he has slept with his brother’s wife,that there is nothing to it. As long as the husband gives approval,any man in the family can sleep with any woman married into the family cos it is seen that the family paid the bride price and so,the woman came into the family and any man can sleep with her.
I couldnt believe my husband. As I was dressing up after having my bath one evening,this elder brother comes into the room and starts to try and touch me.Me,a pregnant woman!. I refused and started to fight him and I eventually ran out of the room almost naked. My husband kept telling me to relax that its not a big deal. That it is better for a man to sleep with a lady in the family when he has an urge instead of going to seek a prostitute. I am from South South and this culture is strange to me. I was not told during my courting and I will never allow it. This issue is bringing problem with me and my husband cos he says that I am disrespecting him and his elder brother for refusing to allow him sleep with me.
I honestly dont know what to do about this. God knows that I will never agree to this barbaric culture of theirs but the kind of problem that it is causing my marriage is too much to bear. My husband has stopped eating my food. I called my husband’s sister who is friendly, to help me. She said it is their culture but most people dont practice it cos of Christianity nowadays. She said its not in her place to come into his brother marital issues that I should talk to me husband and plead with him. I have been doing that but he wont listen.
Well,I am beginning to think I would rather leave than allow any member of his family sleep with me. Do you think I am over reacting? Should I consider leaving this marriage or should I be patient,maybe they will leave me alone after sometime? This man is going to be in Lagos for as long as only God knows,how do I survive this?