Tuesday, August 4, 2020
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My Husband’s Best Friend Is Coming In-between Our Marriage

Dear Ma,

Please I need your advice. I met my husband about five years ago. We dated for a year plus before we got married. He has a female best friend who he calls his mentor. The truth is,this woman was his boss for some years and he looks up to her like his mentor.

At first,I was taken aback when he said she is mentor and best friend. She taught him most of the things he does as an HR manager today. My only consolation at that time is that she was married.

Being married gave me relief but I still found their friendship strange. Although this lady was very nice to me. She took me like her sister and became like a big sister to me too. To be frank,it was hard not to like her.

All the initial fights I had in marriage with my husband,my husband would go to her and she would always or most times take my side. I felt comfortable with her. She welcomed us into her home too. Her husband was kinda ok with us. He was the traveling type and did not talk much really.

Things were going fine until I started noticing a few little things. Like,if I had a misunderstanding with my husband,especially on things I feel its intimate,my husband would tell his best friend . I felt somehow about this.

Ok,for example. My husband wanted to try anal sx and I was not into it. Do you know he said Jules (that is his best friend’s name) says she has that with her husband. I felt like,why are you discussing sx with Jules. I did not like that.

Another area I felt this woman was getting too close for comfort was how many times we had sx.  He said Jules and her husband have sx everyday. I told him I will try but I work very far in Lekki and we live in Ogba….most times,I am tired when I get home,s*x is the last thing on my mind.

The last straw that broke the camel’s back is when Jules was now telling my husband how much to give to me. That gone are the days when men give women money. That since both of us work,that he should not give me money except it for the kids or school fees. That she Jules feeds her family with her money and she does not see why I cannot do same.

I also found out that any new thing my husband is doing,she is the first to know before me. Like my husband was shipping in a car and I did not know but she knew. She also knows about my husband’s investments but I have no clue.

When I complain,my husband will say that I do not know most of the things this woman knows,that she is very intelligent ….and that I am not that kind of woman…that I dont know business or give smart advice like her..so he consults her…can you imagine?

I am tired of having this woman around my husband. I am jealous of her and she is coming in between me and my husband cos any small thing,he will say Jules this …Jules that…the only thing I don’t know is if they are sleeping with each other.

In my anger,I asked him to go and meet Jules since she is better and me and he said he would if not that she is married. That statement stung. I felt like confronting Jules and telling her to leave us alone.

Or maybe tell Jule’s husband. Maybe he can talk to his wife. I  eventually got the courage and talked to Jules. Usually,she would take my side. This time,she said I should stop being insecure before other women will take my husband from me.

I was shocked at her statement and asked her what she meant. She said…go ask your husband. I dared her to tell me if she had liver. She said she already had my husband once . Long before I got into the picture. But he is not her type that is why she is not with him.

The look in her eyes told me she was not lying. I asked her why deceive me that they were just friends…she said they are just friends now but its my husband who cannot let go of his crush on her. That she is happy with her husband but my husband dotes on her.

I left Jules more confused than ever. So,if she knew he has a crush on her…why not leave him to focus on me as his wife…it dawn on me that she too was enjoying the attention. I do not know if they are intimate but what Jules told me has changed everything.

When I confronted mu husband,he said whatever happened with Jules was long before I got into the picture. So,why still call her his best friend,he said cos she is the best friend he has ever had.

My husband told me to stop interfering in his friendship to Jules otherwise he will deal with me. I found that statement ridiculous. I dont know who to tell …but I feel something must be done. My mother is praying for us. But this one is more than prayer…how do you expect me to do nothing when I have my suspicions about this woman and my husband.

But then,what should I do to change that…I cant tell anyone cos his only and true best friend is this Jules..who is at the center of everything. I told my leader in church and he is asking me to be patient,prayerful and diplomatic,so as not to take drastic action that might make things work.

Should I talk to Jule’s husband? Maybe he can talk to his wife? I also know Jules’ relative. I met her in their house one time,should I confide in her to advice me?

I just need help and advice…what should I do?

 

Anonymous Post

 

Photo Credit:Madamenoire

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello,

    This story is pretty annoying but I will try to be as professional in my response.

    Its ok to have the opposite sex as your best friend before marriage…after marriage,your spouse should be your best friend….any other best friend is second best friend after the spouse…spouse takes first place…period!

    So,its really offensive that a married person refers to another person of the opposite sex or same sex as their best friend.The comparison will breed insecurity and that would cause a rift in the marriage.

    Its not surprising to learn that this man has a crush on his female best friend…frankly speaking ,he is in love with her. That is why he cannot do anything without consulting her. He has given his wife’s place to this Jules woman.

    So,what is to be done?….you and your husband need to get professional help…its either he makes a deliberate effort to cut her off from your lives or be rest assured that you do not have his heart,another woman does…if you can live with that….fine..if not..that is simply emotional affair and its cheating!

    Jules needs to be rid off…she is no longer welcomed in the family….she is the enemy and not a friend. If she was innocent,she would have encouraged the husband to focus more on the wife instead of her.

    Its unfair to be in a marriage with someone but you love someone more than them. Its really unfair. Your husband needs to show he wants you more than any woman in the world!

    Love is a choice…so this man has to make a deliberate choice to love his wife the way he loves Jules and even more…and get Jules out of his life completely.

    I also recommend prayers and fasting. Maybe your husband is unaware of what he is doing,let God take control and free his heart towards you.

    Plus,you need to take a stand…have a heart to heart conversation with your husband….after a while…a choice needs to be made…its you or that Jules woman.

    If he chooses Jules….then he was never really meant for you…if he is truly your husband,with prayers and counseling…he will choose you and love you more than Jules.

    I think you need to take the bull by the horn…pray decisively….go to counseling with your husband….and you both need to cut off evil Jules before this gets out of hand!

    My two cents!

  2. Everything prayer, my dear feta male friend and rub it in his face. You’re a woman so use that power, both of you can have best friends. While at it, get ready to take a break from your nasty husband and his Jules

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