My Husband Wants Me To Have Another Son But Is This A Trap?

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Dear Ma,

I need your advice and that of the house. I have been married for over 13 years . Unfortunately,I have not enjoyed my marriage. I married someone who I thought would be able to take care of me and love me. But since we been married,its been one problem or the other.

I have tried all kinds of intervention,none worked.Our families have tried to intervene,our church sef. Now,every body have left us to our fate. I have forgotten about trying to make my marriage work. I will say I am just in a relationship,not marriage. Just answering wife but nothing is going on here.

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The last time my husband made love to me was in 2016. That was after lovemaking was like once in 6 months. The main issue is that my husband is hot tempered. Uneducated and hot tempered. He does not listen to any body’s opinion on anything. He feels he knows everything.

And me,I am not that type of woman who will just keep quiet when something is wrong. To him,that means I am proud. Well,I tried to be submissive like they say but all it brought me was more pain. My husband never talks to me about anything. His plans or business or anything at all. He just provides monthly allowance and that is all.

Of course,he cheats on me. With everything in skirt. From the little girls in my neighborhood to olosho ladies. A man with money never lacks women. Initially,we will quarrel and fight over his behavior but he would say I should mind my business because its his life and as a man,he can do anything.

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I stopped sleeping with him so that I will not catch disease. Eventually,I left him to his foolishness to try and get happiness for myself. I miss s*x but I hold myself cos I am not yet ready to leave this marriage. I want my two children to enter university before I do that. I am 31 years old,my children are in secondary school. In a few years,they will finish and I will leave this prison called marriage.

So that is how we have been living o. Until this year. My husband just came to me and said he wants another child. He said he wants a male child. I already have one girl and one boy. He says he needs a second son. Me,I told him I am not having any babies as this marriage is not conducive to have another baby.

What my 2 children have been through is bad enough. Bringing a 3rd child,I cannot do that.He now said that if I do not give him another child,he will divorce me and marry a new wife. Well,I am not afraid of divorce,after all,what am I even enjoying in this marriage?Nothing!,…my only concern is that he says that he will make sure I do not see my children again if we divorce.

I love my children to death. I will do anything for them. I know this man can do and undo. He has money and can buy justice even if I take him to court. So I am confused as to what to do. My children need me now. Should I have another child just to stay close to my children? Would that not be tying me down further in this marriage? What if I get pregnant and its not a boy?

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My family thinks he is trying to make peace with me by asking for another child. That the child will bring us closer together again. But I am confused. I cannot forget the pain this man has caused me in a hurry. I know he does not respect me. He wants me for just s*x which I am sure he is not getting good quality outside.

What can I do? What will be the best option for me. Will another child truly bring peace?Please house,guide me.

 

Thank you.

 

Mrs IH

Port Harcourt

 

Photo Credit:Marriage Registration Portal

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Madam,

    Take a deep breathe. This is a tough one. I think you need to turn to God and ask for intervention in this matter.

    This marriage needs healing. Maybe the child will bring the desired healing but your husband must be willing to be a better father and husband.

    Why not try and reach a compromise with him. Let him know you are happy to have another child but he has to promise to be a better father and husband.

    Use this request for another child as a bargaining chip for truce,for love and respect and peace.

    He may or may not agree but you need to open communication lines with your husband. Get to know what his real intentions are. Maybe he really wants to make an effort to change…if you see hope…then give him a chance…

    You are the only one who knows what is best for you really…will another baby make you feel tied down? You may just find more happiness with a baby around…

    You have to let him know though that there is no guarantee that the baby might be a boy except you want to have an IVF.

    Take your time…spend time praying,…and talk to your husband…

    Maybe its time for peace to return to your home…dont see it as a trap…be open minded…some men become wiser as they get older..they see the foolishness of their actions but pride keeps them from apologizing…maybe that’s his style of apologizing…because he can get a son from a mistress but he asked you…don’t you think he is trying to make peace?

    Like I said….pray and pray and pray some more…let God guide you.

    God bless you.

  2. If you decide to have the baby, be sure he carries out medical test to be sure he doesn’t have any disease that he wants to pass on to you.
    Personally I feel your husband is up to something that will not turn out fine. So you have to be careful. You have to decide whether you want to stay in the marriage and have a son or leave.
    Bit if you are going to have the son, ask him to go and do medical test to be sure he doesn’t have any disease. Go with him to do that test so you can be rest assured that he doesn’t want to transfer any disease to you.
    Some people can be very wicked.

  3. Hello,

    A marriage is between a husband and wife only, that way, each party is not to deprive the other their body except for mutual consent etc. But external partners introduce new risks and your decision to protect yourself seems sensible until He honours His wedding vows and you are sure He is still ‘clean’.

    Personally, I don’t think having a baby stops the fundamental problem of a cheating husband. On the contrary , when you fall pregnant, during your uncomfortable days when you don’t want s.x / in hospital for delivery / soar after delivery, He could fill those gaps up with his mistress(es).

    Again, when you resume s.xual activity with him and active, You’ll be at his mercy, if He has not dealt with the issues He’s having, it exposes you to STD’s.

    I’ll say remain as you are for now, pray for him , empower yourself financially, if you have a Business and it’s something He set up for you , because of His utterance to ensure you don’t see the children , ensure you have full legal rights over what you are doing , you are young enjoy your hobbies , seek help for him eg. coercing him to join you to attend Christian couples conferences that strengthens couples , encouraging him to join a living church with a vibrant men’s group and possible mentors, discussing the dangers of extra marital affairs calming , show him videos etc., respect him.

    If he decides to take another wife, it’s up to Him , He cannot stop you from seeing your Children, empower yourself financially and seek legal advice .

    If you decide to have another baby that’s ok , children are always lovely but that decision should not be made because of threat of being pushed out of your home. What if you have a girl ?

    If He changes before You start off again, go together for medical checks , go again after 3 months to a centre you choose, ask the Doctor to explain some likely consequence of having multiple partners. It may make a difference coming from someone else .

    May God bring speedy healing to your home .

    Amen

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