My Husband Wants A Male Child And I Want A Divorce

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Dear Jzhane,

It is good to always listen to your parents when you want to get married. I wish I did. Eight years ago,my mother warned me about getting married To Mikey. According to her,she sensed he was a very proud and arrogant man. When she met him,she asked him a few questions and my mother was not satisfied about his answer. But to me,all those were just inconsequential. I was in love. Plus,I was already 31,I was not ready to be choosy with husband at this age. With my mother’s reluctant blessing,I got married to Mikey.

Getting married was ok. I mean,Mikey is not perfect neither am I. We have had our differences along the way. Mostly because,Mikey actually is the type of man my mother dreaded. He was the typical average Nigerian man. What I mean is that,he is not the type that believes in females as anything. In fact,he made sure I was submissive to the core. He would not tolerate my trying to argue with him or disobey him even if he is wrong on any matter. His decision was always final.What pained me most was that he was not even making enough money so I was a co-bread winner and he still would make life difficult for me. He never provided for the kids. Most times,I had to borrow to pay school fees. Our rent was always late. The care taker would have embarrassed us for moths before we managed to pay half and half before the end of the rent tenure and the cycle continues year in year out.

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Of course,we had quarrels when I close late from work most times. I had to be at home latest 6pm. I was let go at a job once cos I couldn’t work a few extra hours. With the meager money we made,he would insist on eating fresh soup everyday so I was always cooking. His food had better not be delayed one minute else,all hell will break loose. I dare not say I am not ready to do my ”wifely” duties anytime he wants else he would deal with me. He would not hit me directly but he would punish me severally by locking me out of my house. Many times I have slept by the veranda. All of these I took as normal cos I wanted my marriage to work and I wanted to stay because of my children. So all that he did to me,I took all in good faith. So I became a typical wife,just enduring and praying for my husband to change. I prayed,fasted and prayed even more.

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However,the one thing he is doing that I can no longer bear is that,he cheats on me every time. I just used to ignore him but recently,he brought the woman into our house. Both of them now flaunt their foolishness in my face. He says because I have refused to give him a male child,so he is looking for a male child. I have four girls. The last pregnancy was hell for me. I had to deliver by CS and the doctors have warmed me about further pregnancies. Besides,it is so difficult to feed and raise four children as it is. I look at my children and they lack so many things in life.

My monthly salary of N67k is not enough to do anything for us. My husband gives us less than N6k in a month. After my fourth child,my parents warned me to stop cos it will be too much for me to bear. Most times,I rely on my parents but they are retired and cant do much. My husband’s people are the stingiest people. So no help from any where.

The latest girl my husband brought home,made my husband drive me out of our bedroom. I had to sleep with the children in their room. I feel like my girls living in this kind of environment is giving them a bad example. The next day,I had to clean up a room filled with semen all over the bed. I cried my eyes out. That was the point I decided I would leave this man. However,I am also scared,I know me and my children will be fine eventually cos I have been more or less the only provider but I fear that being divorced with four children will be hard. I am only 39 years. Will I be single all the rest of my life? Will any man love me enough to marry me with four children? This is something bothering me and the only reason I am yet to leave. My fellowship women have advised me to keep praying for my husband to change. That most marriages go through infidelity but later in life,the man comes back to his senses.

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So here I am,being ridiculed by my husband cos I cannot give him a male child. What do I do? My girls are constantly unhappy about this…Do I remain in the marriage and continue to endure this humiliation or should I quit?

 

From Mrs Disturbed Woman,

Asaba,Delta State.

Photo Credit:TNMCouple

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22 COMMENTS

  1. Good Morning Madam,

    I am so sorry to read about your situation. Reading your story already has shown how hard it is for you to remain in that marriage.

    My advice for you on this would be: focus on your children. Leave the husband to his ”foolishness”.

    Do not divorce him cos indeed,he might come to his senses in future.

    But for your children not to be witnessing this kind of lifestyle,get an apartment for yourself and your children or move to your parents place. And continue to pray for your husband from a safer environment.

    Staying apart will also give you time to figure out if this man will truly change or not. Its tough,many will advice you to remain and continue to endure but what you should be conscious of is the emotional and physical well being of your girls and yourself. That environment is by no means an ideal one for you or your girls right now.

    Give it time and more prayers,God is not sleeping,He will surely see you through….

    Stay strong and stay blessed.

  2. Dear Pretty woman ,

    Thank you for entrusting us to provide you counsel but always know that the Holy Spirit is the best counselor. My dear, This is not the type of life God wants for you.
    You dont deserve such a man who wont take you as you are .

    My advice for you is to leave the house first with your kids before thinking of ,if any man will come for you.

    To save yourself, please leave immediately.

  3. Please move out, your girls might hate men or believe it is ok for them to be treated the way their dad is treating you if continue leaving with him. Pray while you are away if he is yours he will change if not God will bring you the man that completes you and will make you happy. Note it is not ok for a man to treat you this way…stay strong

  4. Your story is really touchy. My advice is this, do not divorce him but you can leave his house with your girls and go to somewhere else you can have peace. I would suggest that you should go and stay with your parents but if your parents do not live in the same state as your job then you need to look for a small apartment you can afford the rent. Another thing you need to do is to find the courage to face your husband. Not in his house but when you leave cos am sure he would want to come find you and make life miserable for you. You need to have some sort of security so that he will not be able to try nonsense when you leave. The only thing that can change him is if you take the bold step of leaving him. It will either change him or drown him. But run for your safety and that of your girls please.

  5. I think you should leave with your kids and trust God because He makes everything beautiful.Be strong.

  6. When God wants to bless and lift a married man, He looks at how He treats His helpmate, the wife He promised before the altar and God to love on the couples wedding day.

    Ill treatment from men results to closed heavens and unanswered prayers.

    ‘In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an understanding manner, as with a most delicate partner. Honor them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may interfere with your prayers’ . 1 Peter 3:7

    My Sister, God sees your tears and has heard your prayers. Please find it in your heart to intensify prayers for your Husband, He can change, He may need to learn a bitter lesson first but be rest assured that God sees.

    Please keep your daughters and yourself safe.

    Your Princesses are a great blessing.

  7. Madam u need to divorce him and move on with your life. If you don’t divorce him now he might divorce u later. Your life ain’t tied to any man. That’s why we have high rate of women killing their husbands. You better leave now it’s early

  8. Why should u care about what people would say except for ur life and future of children cos both is at stake here, the man has gone beyond redemption by bringing women into ur matrimonial home.
    Pls, leave such union cos it cannot yield any fruition except ruins to ur emotional lives. If u leave that is when u will know the next line of action not by been stagnant cos people will think u’re happy in such marriage, my sister take a bow while the podium is still loud cos delay might be deadly.

  9. Madam at this point in life I do not expect you to be thinking about being married again with 4kids. I expected you to be thinking about how to raise your kids to be useful to you. Do you think that life is all about being married no no. Pls do yourself a favour by separating from your hubby cos I believe that one day he will come back to his senses and besides how are you sure that the next man will be better. Pls concentrate on your kids OK. May God be with you.

  10. Why should u care about what people would say or u should care about ur life and future of children, the man has gone beyond redemption by bringing women into ur matrimonial home even such union cannot bring any fruition except ruins to ur emotional lives. Dont be stagnant cos people would think that u’re happy and wouldn’t know that u need help. Pls, leave the podium while the ovation is still loud cos delay might be deadly, take action ur children are ur sole responsibility they migh not forgive u later in live. God bless u as u do the needful

  11. Leave him. You need your sanity. It is only a sane person that will be desired by someone else
    This is not marriage but slavery and if you want to alive to see your children married, leave please.

    • Sister how can you thinking if another person will marry you or not. You are already married to your four daughters by the time you finish training to adulthood you sure will not be look for any man. Leave now before it becomes late, Save your life and the future of your children God bless you while you are doing that.

  12. Leave the house for the sake of your sanity. Rent a very cheaper house. One room will do for a start. Your girls can not grow up in that kind of enviroment. Believe me, it will cause a deep scar in their hearts. They might hate men or might believe that it is ok to be treated like shit by men. Leave first before thinking of another marriage. At this point, marriage should be far from your mind for now. I feel your pain. Stay strong.

  13. Please leave for the sake of your children, thank God you already have a job regardless of how under paid it looks. You’re beautifully and wonderfully made by God, your life doesn’t revolve around a man and your happiness is paramount in life. God would open up unimaginable doors for you,just take a bold step. It is well..

  14. That home in the first place is a very bad environment to raise your children,they might grow up with bad childhood memories, he has traumatize u emotionally beyond limit this alone can cause sudden death and when u die he moves on while ur children suffers,take a bold step give him a break and walkout then u will realize that life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured but always remain steadfast in prayers

  15. I advise that you get a lawyer involved as u leave the house incase your husband tries to fight for the children, your girls don’t deserve the live with such man. Start life afresh, let go of the pain, forget about him, focus on your children and work.
    Stay in Gods presence most importantly, let him guide you through….
    Sincerely, that man doesn’t deserve you. You are created with sovmuch worth and value, u are priceless, you are great. Don’t let the situations around pull you down!

  16. Separation is allowed for Couples to have a rethink at least for 2 years.Pray from a safe distance. he is abusive. A man who married a cousin of mine brings girlfriend into the house after 3 boys. Eventually he beat the woman and incapacitate her before Government intervene. Don’t let it happen to you. Since he didn’t value the girls, soon he will start molesting and sleeping with them. You should know your rights as Nigerian citizen..nobody i say nobody has the right to treat you as slaves..God will provide for you, birds don’t work but He feeds them..Where is your faith?

  17. God has given you many signs about the kind of Man this is. It is about time that you divorce him. Living like this is not healthy for you and your children. Do not forget that your daughters watch every move you and your husband make. If you don’t leave now, your children will grow up with the mentality that it is acceptable for a man to treat a woman like this. You need to break this cycle now before it passes on to your children.

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