It is good to always listen to your parents when you want to get married. I wish I did. Eight years ago,my mother warned me about getting married To Mikey. According to her,she sensed he was a very proud and arrogant man. When she met him,she asked him a few questions and my mother was not satisfied about his answer. But to me,all those were just inconsequential. I was in love. Plus,I was already 31,I was not ready to be choosy with husband at this age. With my mother’s reluctant blessing,I got married to Mikey.
Getting married was ok. I mean,Mikey is not perfect neither am I. We have had our differences along the way. Mostly because,Mikey actually is the type of man my mother dreaded. He was the typical average Nigerian man. What I mean is that,he is not the type that believes in females as anything. In fact,he made sure I was submissive to the core. He would not tolerate my trying to argue with him or disobey him even if he is wrong on any matter. His decision was always final.What pained me most was that he was not even making enough money so I was a co-bread winner and he still would make life difficult for me. He never provided for the kids. Most times,I had to borrow to pay school fees. Our rent was always late. The care taker would have embarrassed us for moths before we managed to pay half and half before the end of the rent tenure and the cycle continues year in year out.
Of course,we had quarrels when I close late from work most times. I had to be at home latest 6pm. I was let go at a job once cos I couldn’t work a few extra hours. With the meager money we made,he would insist on eating fresh soup everyday so I was always cooking. His food had better not be delayed one minute else,all hell will break loose. I dare not say I am not ready to do my ”wifely” duties anytime he wants else he would deal with me. He would not hit me directly but he would punish me severally by locking me out of my house. Many times I have slept by the veranda. All of these I took as normal cos I wanted my marriage to work and I wanted to stay because of my children. So all that he did to me,I took all in good faith. So I became a typical wife,just enduring and praying for my husband to change. I prayed,fasted and prayed even more.
However,the one thing he is doing that I can no longer bear is that,he cheats on me every time. I just used to ignore him but recently,he brought the woman into our house. Both of them now flaunt their foolishness in my face. He says because I have refused to give him a male child,so he is looking for a male child. I have four girls. The last pregnancy was hell for me. I had to deliver by CS and the doctors have warmed me about further pregnancies. Besides,it is so difficult to feed and raise four children as it is. I look at my children and they lack so many things in life.
My monthly salary of N67k is not enough to do anything for us. My husband gives us less than N6k in a month. After my fourth child,my parents warned me to stop cos it will be too much for me to bear. Most times,I rely on my parents but they are retired and cant do much. My husband’s people are the stingiest people. So no help from any where.
The latest girl my husband brought home,made my husband drive me out of our bedroom. I had to sleep with the children in their room. I feel like my girls living in this kind of environment is giving them a bad example. The next day,I had to clean up a room filled with semen all over the bed. I cried my eyes out. That was the point I decided I would leave this man. However,I am also scared,I know me and my children will be fine eventually cos I have been more or less the only provider but I fear that being divorced with four children will be hard. I am only 39 years. Will I be single all the rest of my life? Will any man love me enough to marry me with four children? This is something bothering me and the only reason I am yet to leave. My fellowship women have advised me to keep praying for my husband to change. That most marriages go through infidelity but later in life,the man comes back to his senses.
So here I am,being ridiculed by my husband cos I cannot give him a male child. What do I do? My girls are constantly unhappy about this…Do I remain in the marriage and continue to endure this humiliation or should I quit?
From Mrs Disturbed Woman,