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My Husband Cheated With His Ex And He Blames Me For This

Good day Ma,

Happy Easter to you and all the members of LS. I dont know how to begin cos I feel like I am partly to blame for my predicament but I feel so sad and I want you to post this cos I need help to remain sane.

Peter and myself were working in lab in a manufacturing company four years ago. He had just been transferred from our lokoja branch to Lagos branch. The first day he resumed,I was responsible for showing him around to other staff member. As a thank you for helping him settle down.he bought me lunch. I think I began to notice what a nice guy he was when he helped me carry my food to my table. Over the months,working with Peter exposed me to this young,handsome,caring and good guy.

I began to fall for him.But Peter had eyes for another lady working in sales. kate was a pretty girl,every guy wanted to be her boyfriend. When she met Peter,she flirted with him and the boy boy fell hard for her. He used to gist with me how he liked Kate and wanted to date her. I couldnt tell him I liked him for fear of being embarrassed. So instead,I became his listening ear and actually helped him plan to toast Kate. It was painful but I didnt have a choice. After like a month of chasing Kate,they both started dating.

They became the talk of the company. The perfect dating couple. I had to try and bury my feelings for Peter which was not easy. It was really painful to watch and be around them. Anyways,after like five months of dating. Peter told me he was ready to propose to Kate. He asked me to help him plan a surprise engagement. I declined but he said you know you are my best buddy. I eventually yielded. I planned a romantic proposal for them ,the way I would have loved to be proposed to. It was at a five star hotel by the poolside. All our friends and colleagues came for the surprise proposal.

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When kate came in,she was totally surprised. But soon as Peter went on his knees to propose,Kate ran out!I mean,she refused his proposal. Peter was so devastated and embarrassed. Everyone was shocked. I helped Peter get up and told him it was ok. I comforted him and helped him get home cos he was in no shape to go on his own. When we got to his place,he asked me why Kate did that, he wanted to now what he did wrong.I told him I dont know but I know someone who would do anything to be the one he proposed to. He asked who and I told him me. Peter was shocked. I used the opportunity to tell him I am in love with him. He asked me why I didnt tell him but I told him I was afraid of being rejected. Right there,Peter kissed me and we made love.What made me happiest was that after making love,Peter asked me to marry him. I said yes without thinking.

And like that,we got married in a month’s time. I quit my job cos of company policy which does not allow married people work in the same department. I did get a job months later. Peter and I have been married for three years and we have an 18month old son. One day,my son was playing with Peter’s phone and somehow,he opened his sms. I tried to retrieve the phone but not after I saw an sms from Kate to Peter. She was begging him in the sms for a second chance. She stated that the fact that they are still seeing each other after his marriage is proof that they are still in love. I was dazed.

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When Peter came in,I showed him the text and he said,he was sorry. That he didnt mean to but Kate has been coming after him. Apparently,he still has feelings for her. I was too shocked. You mean after three years,you still want someone who dumped you? Peter begged me and said he didnt plan to but I rushed him to marry me when he was not yet over his love for Kate. He then promised never do it again. But my fear is, I dont think Peter is truly over Kate and as long as Kate is still working with Peter,they will still be seeing each other. I dont know what to do about this. Peter betrayed me but maybe its my fault for falling for someone who is in love with another person. I confided in a former colleague of mine who works in the lab to look out for Peter for me. She then told me that Kate is engaged to a Senior manager in the company in our ilupeju branch.

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With this information.I have been thinking of going to report to this manager. Perhaps,he would do something and make Kate leave my husband alone. I am scared of this but I cannot continue to share my husband with Kate. I know he promised to stop but I cannot trust kate to leave him alone. My husband is my life,my everything. Please ma,should I send an anonymous message to Kate’s fiance? Will that help? Or should I confront Kate and threaten to tell her fiance? Tell me what to do? I dont want to loose my husband.

M,

Isheri-magodo

Lagos

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. Hello M,

    I am sorry but I cannot honestly encourage you to confront Kate. Maybe you should send her fiance’s an anonymous message but would that change anything?

    What I do know is,you and your husband need to go to see a therapist/counselor. Clearly,there are unresolved feelings and you both need to address those feeling otherwise,your marriage may be doomed.

    Also spend time praying. Love is a choice,Peter may be in love with Kate initially but he can choose to love his wife instead of kate. Pray,God will guide you and preserve your home.

    God bless.

  2. Dear Sis, hmm before I start I will first tell you your fault so you can advice someone else. You were wrong to step in immediately the engagement went South. You should have at least know whey Kate left before coming in. As it now, they still have feelings for each other. Now the solution, erm sending an anonymous message to her fiance will not help. It may even do more harm than good. What if the man cancels the engagement because of your message or Kate comes out to tell the her finance that yes she still has feelings for your husband and they cancel the engagement. Then she will come full force on your husband. Marriage is on trust, take it that you rushed your husband, and trust what he told you. Take it to God in prayers and ask God to delete the remaining feeling your husband may have for Kate. There is nothing impossible for God. Peace

  3. @Mandy, i quite agree with you views. @M, you took advantage of Peter’s venerability and now you are been haunted. You should have been patients alittle while before rushing into an affair with Peter. We all understand you wouldn’t want to loose him a second time, but then….Well, there is no need for all the evil plans you are incubating cos it might boomerang. Commit it all to God and he will fight your cause. All the best

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