Monday, May 18, 2020
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My Future Wife Has A Different Idea On Marital S*x

Dear Jzhane,

I need your help and that of well meaning members of LS to help me look into this matter. I am in love with a beautiful lady. We have been dating for almost a year and frankly speaking,I was sure I was ready to take it to the next level until a recent revelation. Before this lady agreed to date me,I finished all the saliva in my mouth,I ran out of words to say,I mean,she was tough,she really played hard to get but that was what intrigued me about her.

Barbie (not real name) is a smart and intelligent woman. We met at a church program. She came with a friend to our church and her friend introduced her to me. From then,I started to chase her. Barbie is a very strict and spiritual lady. She made it clear that she does not do casual dating. She wanted a commitment that would lead to marriage eventually. She made it clear that she was hesitant to date me cos I looked like I just wanted fun not marriage…It took a while for me to convince her that I wanted what she wanted.

I love Barbie. I mean who doesn’t. For the first time in my adult life,I felt I made a very perfect choice until now. We have been talking marriage and plans to go see her people. We were just having our usual conversations of ”when we get married” (we do that a lot,we discuss our marriage and our future together). This time,we were talking about s*x. We have been celibate which I must confess has made the thought of getting married exciting to me. I mean,I cannot wait to legally make her mine.

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As we talked about sx and positions and stuff,I asked her about Oral sx and that’s where she dropped the bomb. She said,she does not like it. She in fact condemns it. She went on to explain how it is a sin and so on and so forth. I was surprised because I as an individual,I love oral sx. I love giving and getting it. I believe in the excitement of it,I do not want a boring marriage or sx life in my marriage. I know there may be health risks associated with oral s*x but I believe that good hygiene is what matters.

The way she reacted when we talked about it has been giving me serious second thoughts. To some,this might be a minor issue but the way its bothering me makes me scared that marrying  her might be a mistake. I do not want to be unhappy later. I feel I need to let her know that this is a huge matter for me but I am also scared that this will make her turn away from me or she will see me as a bad guy as she had always feared.

What is the best way to resolve this…maybe I should just break up with her without telling her? What do you suggest? I know myself and most men in my generation want to be able to enjoy a healthy s*x life in marriage. I do not want to have any reason to look outside once I am married. Please advise me…

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From Kingston (Not real name)

Ajah, Lagos


Photo Credit:Atlantablackstar

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Kingston,

    As it is,you need to be honest with her and yourself. If this is a big deal,then tell her. There is no need to be afraid…its better you address it because I think she will appreciate it if she knows what her options are when you tell the truth.

    Again,you never know,people make compromises for the one they love…some people do not like oral s*x but make compromises for their spouses…once in a while.

    Of course,they are health hazards involved and she may be very concerned about that …all the same,discuss with her,if she can,maybe both of you can work it out..if not,at least you know you tried and then,you can decide to move on.

    I also recommend that both of you read more about oral s*x,the risks involved before making your decisions.

    I wish you all the best.

  2. Hello Kingston,

    This is not an issue at all. I will like to be frank with you on this matter.

    Sex and its fantasies does not determine the Success of Any Marriage: Is all you want in your Marriage Is sexual fantasies?

    There are many beautiful things in marriage than sexual fantasies…. Love, Peace, Joy, Faithfulness, Respect… etc

    Give her time !

    In life, people tends to change their ideologies, perception of things, and many other things as they grow in understanding with time.

    So, the point Here is Patience !!

    She may not see this sexual fantasies as something that’s NOT offensive/sinful as she believed for now, but her time and Do Not raise the issue for a while now.

    If from your heart you really love this Christian Lady as you said, I will counsel you to excercise a little bit of patience and give her time: except there are other things you observed that doesn’t gel with your dreams of marriage.

    Pray more for your babe for mutual understanding and true love from both end.



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