Saturday, December 7, 2019
Home Advice My Future In-laws Are Trying To Control My Fiance & Our Marriage

My Future In-laws Are Trying To Control My Fiance & Our Marriage

Good Morning ma,

Please I need the advise of the house. I have been in a relationship with a very nice guy. We dated for two years and have been engaged for one year now. When I met him,he was working in a company but the pay is not very big.

My fiance is the first son of his family and his parents put alot of pressure on him to take care of the younger ones. So,with his salary,he spends almost 70% on his siblings. He is 29 years old. We started dating when he was 26.

I work in a multinational and earn much better. To us,money has never meant anything. I am not the type of girl that demand for money cos I have my own. But I see how my fiance spends everything on his family but I try to mind my business.

So when we got engaged,I asked him how would we fund our marriage cos I know he does not make enough even with his responsibilities. He told me God would provide. By God’s grace,our wedding is coming up next month.

But I must say,its not been easy. I have supported him without complain. I can say,am doing 90% of the buying for our wedding. Without complain,mind you. I love his family and I think they love me,I just wish they would allow their son breathe a little. The demand on him is too much.

So,as it will be,my fiance’s rent expired 6 months ago. The landlord served quit notice 6 months ago and its time for him to move out. He stayed in a mini flat. I asked him what he will do,he kept telling me not to worry that he will sort it out. As it is,he just told me now that he may not be able to sort it out before the wedding.

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I was like,ok,let me give you some money at least to pay for like 6 months. He refused. He said,I have done enough with the wedding planning. That I should hold the money cos we may need it for the wedding and after the wedding.

So where do we stay after the wedding,he said we will move in with his parents. They have their own house in Ikorodu. First,I don’t like Ikorodu. Second,no way will I get married and be living with my inlaws. I told him that and he said its just temporary. This matter is not sitting well with me.

I see how demanding his parents are. Sometimes,they even demand from me too. Going to live with them after marriage will not be easy. They already see me as a threat. Cos,their son who takes care of their needs is getting married. They feel like I will be his first priority before them.

It even took a long time before his mother accepted that our wedding will hold this year. She wanted the wedding to be next year,saying we are rushing. Rushing what?after 3 years of being together?These people sometimes act very selfish. They are just thinking of themselves,not about their son’s happiness.

So this is my situation. Homeboy wants us to marry and move into his parents house after wedding next month. I have said no and that is bringing quarrel between us. He even insinuated that I don’t love his parents. We almost broke up over this quarrel. He had to apologize but insists we stay in his parents house after wedding.

Some how,I feel this idea is coming from his people. Maybe they are testing me. I love my fiance,he is a great guy …why can’t he see that this is a bad idea? I tried to talk to his best friend to talk to him but he said its just a temporary thing..that why am I so bent on not staying with his parents…

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Honestly,this is like a big test….should I compromise and go with the plan My parents don’t like the idea but they are trying to be respectful. Because,now its more like,eh…I don’t like his family much.

Why can’t we even move into a smaller apartment of our own?…he refused….he does not want my money. That is stupid ego as far as am concerned. I told him,he can stay with his parents after wedding,while I stay with mine until we get our own place…he said that means the wedding is off.

I have cried and begged him…he insists on moving to his parents place…please advise me…what should I do?…move in with them?….will they be nice to me?…will they mind their business?…will they allow us privacy?…will they expect me to be cooking for the house?

I asked him all those questions and he said I should not worry…what should I do? His sister wants us to postpone the wedding until we get our place if we insist. I don’t like that option…if that happens,this wedding may never hold.

Some how,I feel his parents are doing everything to make sure this wedding does not hold…they are trying this to make me angry and maybe call off the wedding…hmmm…maybe I should?

What do I do..please advise?

 

P.S: I heard rumor from one of his relatives that the parents do not want their son to go and rent another apartment but rather use the money to renovate their own house which is actually getting old…hmmm

 

Anonymous LS Fan

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Madam,

    This is a dicey one. Are you sure you truly know this guy you want to marry? Why will he refuse financial help from you to secure an apartment for your future home?

    One thing is clear…his family’s influence on him. I cannot ask you to call of the wedding. I only ask you to pray about this….let God guide you…

    Do you both go to church?Can a pastor or spiritual leader whom he respects speak to him?

    But if you look at it this way,there is really nothing staying with your in-laws…its just that they will probably poke their noses into your business…can you manage that?

    I honestly do not think this a good idea but that should not make you call off your engagement. Maybe you can wait a little before getting married…give him time to sort out the accommodation issue

    If he does not in a couple of months,then you know he is not serious

    The rumor from the cousin,can you confront it with him?

    This matter is something you guys have to resolve before you get married…except you are ready to stomach whatever comes out from living with his parents who are clearly not wanting to let go of their grip of their son.

    Take your fiance out to somewhere private…pour out your heart to him…

    If he insist,pray about it…whatever you decide,let God guide you.

    Cheers

  2. I will advise you not to agree to that arrangement. I feel like God is being faithful to you by giving you wisdom to understand his kind of family. Living with in laws is not advisable even with very understanding and accommodating ones much less very demanding ones.
    Wisdom is profitable to direct. Please don’t agree to it.

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