We received the story below in response to a story that we ran a few days ago. Please click here to read the story if you missed it. Also,share your thoughts and advise after the reading the response below.
From what I understand,my girlfriend got advice from this place to breakup with me because I said we should move in with my parents when we get married next month. Well, she broke up with me yesterday. Just like that…..a relationship that has been on for several years is broken just like that.
I was shocked when she told me she was breaking up with me since I have refused to heed to her suggestion of taking money from her to rent apartment when we have a free place in my parents place .
What I want to say is, people who advised her,did they bother to ask for my own side of the story? How can you advise someone to leave a relationship that is going to be legalized the very next month just because of accommodation issue?
It was during our quarrel yesterday that she mentioned that she wrote to a group that advise on relationship that she decided she can not go on with our wedding. I feel very hurt. I feel angry cos she was not advised well.
I told her to let me share my own side of the matter. And if after I tell my own side,people still advise her to breakup,then I am fine. So this is my own:
When I met Sara (not real name), I told her I was the first born of my family. I told her that my dad lost his job due to stroke. My mother is the bread winner ,she is a petty trader. That I struggled to finish school and now that I have finished school,I want to help my parents train my younger ones.
Sara agreed and even said she loved how I take care of my younger ones. Sara is a true friend. She never asked me for money cos she knows my situation. My salary is 60k from which I send almost 40k to my parents every month.
I love Sara and I thank her for her understanding. She is the kind of woman I want to marry cos she does not give me problem. When I engaged her,I let her know that things will not be easy at first but I am determined to work hard and I know things will change in a few years.
My parents were not really happy I was getting married . Not because they do not like Sara but because they knew the responsibility of getting married. They were concerned that I will not be able to shoulder the responsibility. If course,they maybe also worried that I will not be able to support my 3 siblings that are still in school.
But I convinced them that Sara is very understanding and that they will love her. So when the issue of accommodation came up,I was going to renew my rent but my parents have been discussing that they will soon relocate back to the village.
They suggested I use the money for rent to renovate our family house so it can be comfortable for me and my new wife. They will move back to the village next year. It will be just me and my wife and my siblings. And my siblings are in school,they only come around during holiday.
So I tried to tell Sara about the plan but she did not even let me finish. She said she cannot get married and move in with my parents. She did not even let me explain that they will be moving next year. So,Sara concluded even though I told her it was going to be temporary.
This made me see another side of Sara that I had not known. I mean,I thought she was a considerate person but this accommodation matter is making me have second thoughts. My parents raised me to be the man she loves why can she not stand living with them just for a short while?
I still have responsibilities towards my family. I told her that from the beginning. If she knew she could not accept that,why date me for more than two years now?…I feel hurt by her actions. I tested her with this accommodation matter and she failed me.
Like I said,I love Sara…I will do anything for her. All I want is for her to accept me and my family cos without my family there will not be me for her to marry. How have I done wrong in this case? Do you know how much it is to rent even a self contained in Lagos,Surulere where we stay?
Why can’t we use that money to make my parents place comfortable. A place they will eventually leave for us and we will be on our own? If it was her parents,will she treat them like this? I have not told my parents that Sara broke up with me. If I do,they will say:we told you….
This is not fair. I am a young struggling man. I never force Sara to be with me. I love her so much and will do anything for her. Why will people ask her to break up with me when all am thinking of is our future?
Nobody is trying to control me or her or our marriage. My family does not mean any harm or ill. She just needs to free her mind and get to know them better….
Now…tell me where I was wrong…..
God bless you
Tony (Not Real name)