Friday, December 13, 2019
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My Friend Is Engaged But She Is Trying To Steal My Crush

Dear Jzhane,

I need your advice. My friend and I were coming back from work last week Tuesday. It was around 7.40pm and I was the one driving. All of a sudden,I heard a loud sound,the car behind me had apparently hit us and I was in utter shock. Thankfully,I was able to stop mine without any further impact. We both came down and checked the damage and found out that the range rover that ran into us had completely damaged my bumper,pulled it out and caused some serious body damage to the car.

My initial reaction was to start shouting at the person who was driving. My friend had already started cursing the Driver who came down and was begging. I was just looking. The Driver’s boss got out and introduced himself as the owner of the range. He apologized for his Driver’s behavior and promised to fix the car. Right there,he offered us a ride to our destination while his mechanic and Driver will come pick ours.

As a Lagos girl,I did not trust that so I declined. The man stayed with us until my mechanic came and told him the cost of repairing the damages. He paid instantly by transfer.About 80k…he wired 100k to my account. We exchanged details and left that night. It was around 10pm. My friend and I talked about how cool the guy was. I mean,it was clear that the guy is rich.

Next day,this man calls me and says he would like to send me a car to use until my own gets fixed. I told him not to worry but he sent a Toyota Camry to my office that afternoon anyway and asked me to use it until my car is ready. Wow..when I told my friend,she became very interested. She wanted to know more about him but I told her to be careful. She has a fiance. Me,I don’t even have boyfriend.

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Two days later,I sent this man’s car back to him and he asks me to keep it. I was in shock. I told him I could not take it but he said the only way I would say no was if I went out with him. I asked him if my friend can come,he said fine (my mistake). I just did not want to be alone with this guy. At the restaurant he took us to,my dear engaged friend was visibly flirting with this guy. And the guy took note and took bait. There I was looking like the one that tagged along.

We left that evening and the guy was like,he wants to see me again but I said no way. He asked why,I said,its obvious he likes my friend but he said: No,your friend likes me,was it not obvious. Going home that evening,I could not but blast my friend for her behavior. She argued with me about minding my business. She said she likes the guy and she feels they have chemistry. When I dropped her that evening,we were still arguing.

So,when this guy calls me next day,I am confused. I really do not want him to cause trouble for me and my friend. We have been friends for six years. She likes the guy and he did seem to like her but here he is,coming after me. Ma,what do I do? Should I go out with this guy? He said he was just playing with my friend cos she was throwing herself at him,even already trying to send him messages on whatsapp but its me he really digs.If I go out with him,my friend will not like it.

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I got to work this morning…and I met fresh flowers sent to me by this man..with a card…saying: go out with me,be my girl…,I really want to give this a trial…do you think I should or is this complication already a mistake?Your kind advice ma.




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Uzzy,

    You need to talk to your friend. She needs to calm down and focus on her fiance and engagement. It does not speak well for her to be engaged and trying to get another man’s attention.

    You are single…if the man likes you,I do not see why you should not give it a trial….your friend should be ashamed of her behavior…maybe you should also be careful of her..did you know she could be like this?

    By like this…I mean,it would appear that she is the type that likes to take someone else stuff when she already has something of her own without considering how she would hurt peoples’ feelings.

    Pray about it…let God guide you.

    All the best.

  2. He says he likes you and it is you he wants. If you like him back, then I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t go out with him.
    However, let him that you won’t go out with him as long as he keeps flirting with your friend. He should man up and do the right thing. If he really likes you as he claims, he should stop flirting with your friend and he let your friend know that it is you he likes and it is you he wants to be with. If he cannot be straight with your friend by letting her know his stands, then I don’t think you should be with him.

  3. If decide to date Him, you should not have S.x with Him except He takes you to the altar and only after marriage for 2 reasons.

    1) Keep marriage bed undefiled.

    2) He may end up sleeping with your friend if He has her number already and that can lead to you breaking up with him so you don’t get hurt in the process .

    Otherwise it’s ok to go out and see what kind of person He is ( not carrying your friend along anymore).


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