Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Home Advice My Friend Broke Up Her 7 Years Engagement & Married By Mistake

My Friend Broke Up Her 7 Years Engagement & Married By Mistake

Hello Ma/House,

Please advise for me,well for my friend. She was in a relationship for 7 years with this guy. They love each other so much and everyone around them loved them together. I mean,it was only a matter of time before we knew they would be getting married.

We all have been friends for a long time. My friend and her guy are like family to me and many people in our space. But then,something happened last year. Around July I think. My friend got pregnant.

It was not a planned pregnancy. They were shocked and confused. But they wanted to keep the pregnancy. So they informed their parents. They decided to get married,afterall,they loved each other,they have known each other for years and they ok financially.

The only problem was that,the guy’s mother was not happy the girl got pregnant. She is one of those religious people. She said she will be suspended as a Deaconess if her church found out about the pregnancy. She wanted them to abort.

That did not make sense because,you say you are head of something in a church,pregnancy before marriage is not good but abortion is ok? My friends ignored her and went ahead with planning their wedding.

My friend however started having night mares every night. She would see evil things attacking her and she was struggling. This happened for months. Everyone was praying for them.Their wedding was like in two weeks and she had another nightmare. This time,she saw her mother-in-law to be,telling her to remove the baby ….and that the baby was conceived in sin.

My friend woke up in fright,to see she was bleeding. They rushed her to the hospital and she lost the baby. That was when the real problem started. My friend was so distraught. She could not hide her feelings. She accused the guy’s mother of killing her baby and that led to her and her guy quarreling.

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The guy is close to his mother. The guy’s mother raised them as a single mother cos their father left them when they were small. This led to so many accusations and misunderstanding. Long story short,wedding was cancelled.

My friend and this guy were heart broken. Those of us that were close to them tried everything to reconcile them but it was impossible. Their pain and hurt was so much.

The boy’s mother too did not try to call for peace. She became emotional,that her daughter inlaw is calling her a witch,saying it was God’s will that they lost the baby …that pregnancy before marriage is a sin,bla bla bla…that she had nothing to do with it.

That did not make things easy for my friend. Of course,people talking and giving all sorts of advice. Which she believed some,that if she went on to marry this guy,the mother would make things difficult for her or that she is a witch or something…

But before now,this woman liked my friend o. They never had an issue until she got pregnant. So,even me,I found it hard to understand why the woman did not support their marriage cos they got pregnant.

My only understanding is that,this woman is one of those over religious people that see position in church as everything. She just did not want to loose her position in church. The disgrace was what she was avoiding. But does that mean she killed her future grand child?…I don’t know.

My friend and her guy separated. She was hurt. We did everything. The guy was begging but she refused. Like less than 4 months,my friend started dating someone else. As a friend,I was happy for her cos I wanted her to be happy again. Her breakup  really messed her up.

As her friend,I asked her if she was sure she has gotten over her guy. She said yes. I was not sure but I supported her.  They just did their introduction and court wedding. White Wedding is the last Saturday of this month ma.

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This last Sunday,my friend came to my house on Sunday,crying,saying she is miserable without her former fiance.

She is very scared of going ahead with her wedding to this new guy. she was crying hysterically. She went ahead to call her fromer fiance who came down immediately to my place,both of them crying hysterically and making up and all.

I just sat down there,crying with them. They want to get back together. They cannot do without each other. They dont care about the guy’s mother’s approval anymore. I think it took the girl getting married to another person to make them realize they need each other.

But ma,the reason I asked for advise is this: my friend is scared of telling her new husband and her family. She just wants to run away with her guy. But legally,she is married. Her parents may never agree to her going back to her former guy cos of how she lost her baby. They still suspect the mother in-law has something to do with it.

Please I need your advise. I have been hiding this heavy secret since Sunday. My friend has been staying with me,lying to her husband that I am sick and she came to take care of me. What do I do…how do I help them…I told her to tell her husband,she said no…

That she will not…but just tell him when they have arrived where they want to go to…they are thinking of going to like Ghana for like 6 months so that everything can cool down before they return.

Please house,please ma…advice me …advise my friend…my major fear is,how they are going to go sort all these problems. I do not know if they are doing the right thing…

From Anonymous LS Whatapp member

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello dear,

    This is a whole level of situation. Where do we begin?

    Your friend needs to do the right thing. She needs to be 100% sure she wants to go back to her former guy. So,beyond the crying and all…lets her take some time,maybe weeks or even months to pray and think about this.

    Its necessary to do this because,she needs to be absolutely sure that she is not missing her ex temporarily. She may later regret breaking up her marriage.

    Besides its not advisable to make a life changing decision when one is emotional. I think she already made that mistake by marrying this dude…if she decides to leave this one now,her emotions may be clouding her judgement…so let her give it time.

    Do not forget that the mother in-law and the suspicions have not been addressed. Is she convinced now that the mother in-law is no longer a witch? Will their union divide son and mother…remember this woman raised her children as a single mother…its not nice to separate her from her children cos of marriage.

    A lot of prayers and thinking needs to go into this before your friend takes her decision.

    And of course,her current husband needs to be told. She owes him that much. Only cowards run away from hard decisions. If she is ready and sure …then she must tell her husband and file properly for divorce before she can run off with her ex.

    I honestly pray she is making the right decision…this seems so messy and emotional. I figure she needs time for herself too.

    Time to think and ask herself what she really wants…she needs to discover herself and love herslef before she can love anyone..either her current hubby or her ex…she needs to be 1,000% sure

    No need to hurry this one…let her stop crying and perhaps take a trip by herself to go do some praying,soul searching and planning.

    I wish her all the best.

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